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5 Reasons A Man Falls Out Of Love & Leaves
It’s happened. The man in your life left you. Your head is spinning and you’re spending all of your time trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Christian Carterauthor of Catch Him & Keep Him, says there are 5 reasons men fall out of love and leave.
You may read this and think that Christian is putting all of the blame on women. It’s important to remember, however, that it takes two people. After my break up last summer many people, including some readers, got on me because I accepted some of the responsibility for the break up. The truth of the matter is that to learn from our experiences and grow, we have to hold ourselves accountable. We do not live in a vacuum. We have to understand that what we do, or don’t do, affects other people. So, while we aren’t responsible for other people’s actions or reactions, we may still have had some part in the demise of the relationship.
REASON #1 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS: The Pleasure Principle
Christian says, and I agree, that men and women want to feel good in their lives and in their relationships. No one wants to spend their time in a relationship that feels like nothing but work. We want to spend our time with people who make us feel good and who make us smile. I remember Kira telling me at one point that it wasn’t supposed to be so hard especially in the beginning of a relationship. She was right. It isn’t.
It’s about enjoying each other’s company. It’s about having fun with each other. It’s not about sucking the fun out of the relationship.
REASON #2 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS: Emotional Experience and the Future
According to Christian, “The way a woman acts in “little” situations become indicators to a man about how she’ll respond when things REALLY get tough in the future.” So, if you’re constantly negative and emotional even when he’s doing his best to reassure you, he’s going to wonder what the future will be like with you. He’s not going to think about a future that might be an emotional roller coaster. In fact, no one wants to live life like that.
REASON #3 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS: Lost Feelings of Attraction
Men, and women for that matter, are addicted to those exciting feelings of connection and attraction. When those feelings dissipate, it’s hard to want to stay with someone. On the other hand, when a man feels an intense connection and attraction, he becomes addicted to you. He thinks about you, he wants to be with you and he’s completely willing to work on those little things that crop up in relationships.
If he loses those feelings, though, the whole relationship begins to feel like a whole lot of work and you’re back at number one. Creating and sharing that attraction is one of the powerful reasons a man wants to be with a woman.
It’s important to point out that this is NOT about physical attraction. It goes beyond that. It’s about the “EMOTIONAL and INTELLECTUAL attraction that comes from a deeper, more subconscious place.”
REASON #4 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS: Neediness
Ugh! Is there anything that’s less attractive than someone who’s needy and clingy? I don’t think so. If you’re looking to your man to make you happy and you have no life outside of him, he reads that as neediness. He can’t be everything to you. He shouldn’t be everything to you. He sure as hell doesn’t want to be everything to you…unless he’s a control freak and a manipulator.
What a man wants is a woman who is whole and complete and who is living and enjoying her life. He wants someone who has interests outside of him. Otherwise, you’re really bringing nothing to the relationship. You’re not interesting.
Wondering if you’ve ever come across this way? According to Christian one way to know is if you’ve ever said these things to yourself after a break up:
“I can’t believe how I lost touch with my friends while I was with that guy.”
“I can’t believe I let him control me like that.”
“Where did my life go?”
“What happened to the REAL ME? I wasted so much time in that relationship, when I could have been doing things for myself or my future.”
You need to be you. You need to live your life for you…not for some guy. Period.
REASON #5 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS: “She’s Trying to Fix Me”
Ladies, if you want a fixer upper, you’ve got more problems than you know. I recommend reading Natalie Lue’s Mr. Unavailable & The Fallback Girl. That being said, no one wants to be someone who wants to make them over. It’s like being told you’re not good enough the way you are.
The bottom line is that people change when they see a need for change not when someone else tells them they need to change. If a man sees a need to compromise and change for the woman in his life, he’ll do it on his own. He needs to see how it affects him and him alone.
Here’s what Christian says:
People are motivated by things THEY WANT, not by things others want. If you want a man to change, you have to try to show him how it will benefit him and him alone, not you or your relationship.
Just remember, if a man is deeply committed to you and your relationship and he isn’t feeling or experiencing too many of the above “reasons”for leaving, then any issues you have will feel like small bumps in the road to him.
He’ll feel confident, open and secure and that can only bring good things.
Thoughts?
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