Take the Pain Out of Breaking Up With the Universal Break Up Card

Breaking up is hard to do. Or is it? According to Brandon Mendelson, author of Dracula And Kittens, all you need is the Universal Break-Up Card. We’ve all been told that breaking up via text or email is a “no, no.” Yet, there are those of us who just can’t find the guts to do the deed. So if you can’t face ‘em or don’t want to deal with ‘em, simply print off the Universal Break-Up Card, check off the box or boxes that apply and give to the dumpee.

Here’s the card. Happy breaking up!

Dear ________________________________________,

____ 1. I’ve seen professional wrestlers more sensitive than you.
____ 2. You’re too sensitive, stop whining.
____ 3. You remind me of that guy / girl from (insert name of horror movie here: _____________ ).
____ 4. I have to break up with you because I slept with your best friend / dog / sister / neighbor.
____ 5. I’m actually not straight / gay, fooled you!
____ 6. We can’t have sex because I keep thinking about your mother / father / friend /cow / neighbor.
____ 7. I’m prejudiced against __________________, so this isn’t going to work.
____ 8. I now hate men / women because of you.
____ 9. You told my parents we mate like orangutans.
____10. You’re cheap, I don’t want much, but c’mon!
____11. I have to leave, I pissed off the mob / government / terrorists / rap musicians.
____12. You’re leaving for college / the military / prison, and I don’t feel like waiting.
____13. I’ve been indicted for war crimes.
____ 14. This sleazy guy /girl convinced me you’re a waste of time. I’m going to hook up with them.
____ 15. You’re from New Jersey.
____ 16. I love my cats / dogs more than you.
____17. I was blind when we started dating but now that I can see? Eeeeewwww.
____18. I rather make out with a sock.
____19. I’ve heard of sexual deviancy, but that’s too much.
____20. _________________________________________________________________

Eat It,

(Sign your name here: ___________________________________ )

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Posted by lisaq on Friday, November 13th, 2009 and is filed under Featured, Latest Headlines. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.