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5 Dating Mistakes You May be Making and How to Undo Them
In a recent article at the Huffington Post, dating coach Jag Carrao, details the 5 biggest dating mistakes women make and how to fix them. As she says, nowhere are mistakes more prevalent than in our dating lives. Not surprisingly, Carrao also says that the biggest underlying reason for making those mistakes is self-esteem issues.
The good news is that not only are you not alone, there are tons of resources out there to help you learn about and avoid the mistakes you make because, let’s face it, we all make mistakes.
Dating Mistake #1: Approaching Him First.
While Carrao admits that approaching first in the norm and is even encouraged, she asserts that doing so will come back later to bite you. She explains that while, “A man may date and even marry a woman who approached him first, but there will likely be consequences later on…when he approaches the girl he really wants.”
Carrao’s quick fix advice for this mistake is to back off a little and become a little less available thus making you a little more mysterious. Doing so, she says, will restore a little of the “feminine mystique you forfeited as the initiator.”
Dating Mistake #2: Acting overly chummy.
If you find yourself constantly spilling your guts about your colleagues, your family, and your recent trip to the dentist on the first few dates, it’s time too stop. In the beginning stages of a relationship, it’s best to keep those details to yourself. Too much too soon makes you look desperate and needy according to Carrao.
Her quick fix advice for this mistake is to understand that more you are talking on and on about yourself, the less you are paying attention to whether this guy is even the right guy for you. In addition, it’s probably a sign that you need to take a step back and figure out why you feel the need to disclose so much so soon.
Dating Mistake #3: Accepting last minute dates.
It’s all about walking the walk rather than just talking the talk. Show him that you have a full, busy life. Accepting last minute dates, on the other hand, makes you look as if you’ve got nothing else going on in your life. It makes it easy for him to let you become an option rather than a priority which sets a dangerous precedent in the relationship. Carrao says, “Let a man treat you like a fast food drive-thru (put his order in at the window then pull up to get his grub) and that’s how he’ll view you. Fancy restaurants – and fancy girls – require reservations made well in advance. What you reward you encourage.”
To fix this dating mistake, implement a three-day rule. In other words, never accept a date invitation that isn’t offered at least three days in advance.
Dating Mistake #4: Jumping into a “whirlwind romance.”
Carrao says, “If your love life looks a bit like Jennifer Anniston’s, your 0-to-60 relationships might benefit from a judicious application of the break pedal. Yes, speed bumps can be annoying, but without them you’d end up driving too fast, without adequate time to observe, maneuver and react.” Slow down and remember that white hot flames burn out quickly.
To fix this dating mistake, slow down the pace of your relationship. Begin seeing him once a week, limit phone conversations to 10 minutes and don’t introduce him to your friends before he introduces his to you. Carrao includes this quote, “It’s the spaces in between seeing you when a man falls in love and discovers the true depth of his longing.”
Dating Mistake #5: Wasting Time.
Let’s face it. You know when a relationship isn’t going anywhere. So why are you still there? Life is too short to be wasting time with a man you’re not really into or vice versa. Grow a set, break it off and get on with your life. You also need to get over that break up and move on. Wasting time wallowing over a break up is going to get you exactly nowhere. Get over it already!
Whether you’re wasting time in a dead end relationship or wallowing in the aftermath of a break up, it’s time to do something about it. If you’ve been together forever and dude isn’t busting a move, it’s time to move on. If you’re drowning in a pity pool over your break up, get over it and get out there.
Jag Carrao is a relationship coach and dating expert who trained with The Rules
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Honey November 2nd, 2009, 4:07 pm
I think that the message about respecting yourself, living a full life, and paying attention are all good things, but I don’t necessarily think that adhering to these sorts of “rules” is always the best way to do those things.
Alex Kindle November 2nd, 2009, 6:02 pm
I think every one of these points is valid and extremely well written. They may sound a bit old-fashioned but they are tried and true. What they really boil to is that you should go out and get yourself a full and satisfying life and then you won’t need to make rules about dating. You SHOULD always be busy for the next two or three days. You SHOULD be more interested in him than in talking about yourself (since you know all about yourself already, the former is a lot more fun). If you’re full of energy, enthusiam, and ideas then you will naturally attract men to you – you won’t need to go after them. And as a great fringe benefit, you’ll be having so much fun doing the things you love to do that you won’t mind being single. That’s when you’re sure to run into the right guy for you.