What Is Commitment Really?

In a recent episode of NBCs Mercy, Veronica and Mike go to marriage counseling with their priest. During the counseling session, the topic of commitment came up because, well, Veronica is clearly not committed to the marriage. Here is the exchange between Father Gus and Veronica.

Father Gus: “Are you committed to this marriage?”

Veronica: “Look, I’m here.”

Father Gus: “Is that what you think commitment is? That’s not commitment. You commit by opening yourself. You by letting him in and accepting his apology. You commit by accepting as an undeniable fact that your future is intertwined with Mike’s. You commit by utterly and completely surrendering otherwise you have one foot out the door.”

As I listened to the exchange, I realized that part of the problem with commitment is that many people share the same view of it as Veronica does. They think just because they’re there and maybe even verbally commit, they are committed to a relationship. The truth is that it’s more than just saying you’re exclusive or that you’re not interested in seeing other people.

It truly is being in it 100%. It’s opening up and letting someone into your life. It’s sharing it with them and being open to the possibilities that the relationship could bring. It is utterly and completely surrendering yourself which is, understandably, utterly and completely terrifying because it’s being vulnerable and opening yourself to being hurt. Scary.

If you’re going to say you’re committed yet have one foot out the door, if you’re just going to show up, you really aren’t committed at all and maybe it’s time to examine what you really want out of the relationship. Do you really want the relationship to last or are you just marking time until something better comes along? Or maybe you know that the person you’re with expects exclusivity and, while you’re not really quite ready to give it, you don’t want to risk losing that person either.

The truth of the matter is that, whatever the reason, having one foot out the door is unfair to both of you. And, if you think your significant other doesn’t realize you’re already gone, you’re sadly mistaken. One way or another you owe to yourself and to your partner to commit one way or another. Either commit to them and to the relationship or commit to walking away. Give both of you the opportunity to find someone you can commit to.

Thoughts?

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Posted by lisaq on Monday, October 12th, 2009 and is filed under Featured, Latest Headlines. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to “What Is Commitment Really?”

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts October 12th, 2009, 3:52 pm

Wow! I could not agree more!
Honey October 12th, 2009, 4:02 pm

While I agree in principle, the thing is that what external, observable measure do you use to determine if you are meeting that level of “committment”? While I agree that the wife’s answer was flip, she has a point in that how can an outside observer objectively determine whether someone has “truly” committed – the measure that she offers is the only one I can think of.
SaneAndSingle October 12th, 2009, 4:04 pm

Haha! Stalker needs to read this, pertaining to his ex!
lisaq October 15th, 2009, 5:57 am

Thanks Tee!

At least in my experience Honey, people know when they’re not committed Honey. Even Veronica, in the situation above, knows she’s got one foot out the door. The difference is that she wants to be committed and she’s working towards that. Many people stay out of comfort or of obligation or of a feeling that trying to find a new relationship is too hard. They don’t necessarily want to commit but they can’t commit to leaving.

Haha! Yes, saneandsingle. He definitely does!