How NOT to Pick Up Women in a Dive Bar

Dear Dirty Gray Haired Mullet Man in the Awful Hawaiian Shirt,

All I wanted was a nice lunch and good conversation with my friend. Granted, we chose to do that in a dive, but we can all agreed that, dive or not, the food is to die for. I did not go on a Sunday afternoon to try to pick up men who spend their Sunday afternoons in such a dive. I just wanted lunch. Period.

Now I realize that you probably girls like us there but we like to eat good food too regardless of where it might be prepared and served. Yes, I know we are an anomaly. Still, that really doesn’t mean you should try a Sunday afternoon pickup not just once but twice.

No. I don’t know you. No. My name is not Melissa. And really, should I have to tell you that twice? Because yes, I am sure. I think by now I have a pretty good idea what my name is. Besides, my friend G verified that it’s not Melissa, right?

Seriously dude, if you want to want to be successful picking up women on a Sunday afternoon in a dive bar, interrogating them about their name and whether or not they know you is probably not the best approach. Why not try a new hair style, one from this decade maybe, and some Grecian Formula for Men? I hear it works pretty well.

And, while you’re at it, it might not be a bad idea to do something about that damn shirt. Seriously, who picks up women in a God awful Hawaiian shirt? I understand that stylists are expensive and all, but even Walmart carries some pretty fashionable stuff. You should check it out. They’ve even remodeled the store. It’s nice.

If you’re still having trouble picking up women, I suggest checking out Love Systems. They’ve got some great material for men like you. They can help you with opening women as well as with style. Because, well, a pickup artists you’re not.

Good luck in the future. Remember, you’ll never be successful if you try to convince a girl she doesn’t know her own name.

Sincerely,
lisaq (not Melissa)

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Posted by lisaq on Monday, September 14th, 2009 and is filed under Featured, Tips & Tricks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

6 Responses to “How NOT to Pick Up Women in a Dive Bar”

Honey September 14th, 2009, 1:55 pm

Eeeewwww.
wingman September 15th, 2009, 12:18 am

Such a shame.
Lance September 16th, 2009, 2:05 pm

What? The mullet doesn’t do it for you ladies? Business in the front, party in in the back.
lisaq September 17th, 2009, 6:11 am

Definitely eeeewwww Honey. It was just gross!

Oh wingman it was such a shame.

Haha Lance. No. No mullets for this girl!
Tina t September 17th, 2009, 10:19 pm

I have a good friend who handles the “don’t I know you guy” perfectly. She just tells them, “that wasn’t me, the sex change wasn’t complete until last month.” I’m sure they know she’s lying/joking, but it seems to scare them off for good.
Bernie Frank September 29th, 2009, 12:03 pm

Dive bar with food to die for? Isn’t that a rarity? The only dive bar that I know of with food to die for is Mikes Chile Parlor in Ballard, in Seattle. After eating that chilie you wished you would die!