10 Post-Break Up Decisions You’re Sure to Regret-Part One

There’s just no doubt about it, relationships are complicated. Break ups can be, not surprisingly, even more complicated. Months later, I’m still struggling. And, when I read Paige Parker’s recent newsletter containing the what not to dos of break ups, I knew it was high time I get myself together because, yes, I’m guilty of more than one of these.

1. BEGGING HIM NOT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU

Thankfully not one of the bad decisions I’ve made, it’s still one of the things that is serious cause for concern. It’s very hard, I know, when you’re the one being dumped but, sadly, many women actually beg their men not to leave them.

This seems to me to be more than just a break up issue. Is your self-esteem really so low that you want to be somewhere you’re not wanted? Besides which, as Paige says, it comes across as needy and pathetic. The best course of action if you find yourself in this situation is to take some much needed time for you and fall in love with yourself. It really is true that no one else will love you if you don’t love yourself first. Why not start now?

2. CALLING HIM

Now is the time to institute and stick to the No Contact Rule. Period. Paige says:

In order to have the clarity you need right now, you’re going to have to stop communicating with your ex. That means no phone calls – initiating or returning. That also goes for emails, text messages, instant messages, and ESPECIALLY seeing him in person.

Yep. I broke this rule. Three times. And we’re not even going to talk about the times I thought about contacting him…still think about it. Girls, this may very well be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, but you have to do it. Why? Because breakups kick your ass physically, emotionally, and mentally. You don’t think clearly, your decision making skills suck and, let’s face it, 9 times out of 10 he’s not going to tell you what you want to hear…even if he answers your call. Besides which, doing so puts you back to ground zero. You’ll have to start your healing process all over again. And that sucks. Hard.

3. SLEEPING WITH HIM

No matter what you’re told, ex-sex is never, never, never a good idea! First of all, it’s not going to bring him back. It’s only going to make you a booty call. Secondly, talk about starting at ground zero!

It’s crazy, self-destructive behavior that you are sure to regret. It’s not going to bring him back, make him wonder why he let you go, or any other romantic nonsense. It’s only going to hurt you. Period.

Paige says this:

Please love yourself enough to realize that your ex forfeited his right to be intimate with you the moment he said he can’t be in a relationship with you.

You are way too precious to give that much of yourself without a loving commitment.

She’s right. Value yourself, love yourself, heal yourself. Sex with him is not the answer.

4. STAYING CONNECTED TO THE WRONG PEOPLE IN YOUR COMMON CIRCLE OF FRIENDS

This one’s tough. It’s a kind of a “who gets custody of the friends” thing and it’s hard. After all, they’re your friends too, right? The truth is though that it can actually sabotage your progress. It’s hard not to ask how he’s doing. It’s hard not to pump for information. It’s hard not to ask if he’s mentioned you. But it’s making contact without actually making contact and it’s not good for you.

On the flip side of the coin, you also have to watch out for those who might pump you for information just to satisfy their own need to stick their noses into everyone else’s business. And, really, do you need friends like that?

5. KEEPING A SHRINE

Okay so it wasn’t a shrine exactly, but there was a picture of the two of us together that stayed by my bed much longer than it should have. I even slept with it a few times. Pathetic, I know. Honestly though, when I finally put it away, I actually slept better.

According to Paige:

Though it may be tempting to slip on his sweatshirt, crack open one of his beers, and lay on his pillow breathing in his scent while you look at photos of him and cry, this is not the healthiest choice for you if you want to get over him.

It doesn’t make you feel better either girls. In fact, it only makes you feel worse. No one’s saying you have to burn all of his pictures, though there are times when that’s hella cathartic. Just put them away. At least for now. At some point, you may want to make them go away permanently, but for the time being attempt an “out of sight, out of mind” tactic.

Be sure to tune in Monday for Part Two and check out Paige Parker’s Dating Without Drama for yourself in the meantime.

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Posted by lisaq on Thursday, September 3rd, 2009 and is filed under Featured, Latest Headlines. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.