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When Relationships Become Too Much Work
You hear it over and over….relationships take work. But I was catching up on the shows piling up on DVR and Ben on “The Secret Life of an American Teenager,” said something pretty smart. He doesn’t understand why relationships have to be work and I have to say that I agree with him. Why can’t you simply love who you are with and enjoy their company?
So it made me think.
I would love to believe that there are work-free relationships out there but I have to venture that they are extremely few and far between. In fact, I think compromising and communicating and having a healthy level of give and take are necessary for a relationship to work. But at what point do relationships become too much work?
The Ex-Factor
Getting back together with an ex is never easy. Obviously, you broke up for a reason so not repeating past mistakes isn’t always easy. You have to re-evaluate and reinvent your relationship or you will end up in a rut. I know, I’m there.
My ex and I got back together at the beginning of this year and things were going great for quite a while. Now, however, things have become a little less than sweet. We don’t get to see each other much which aggitates me and then there is the small matter of the girl that slept on his couch last week- while he also slept on his couch. I wasn’t mad at first because it is an enormous L-shaped couch and it is quite possible to have two people sleep on it without touching. But is it probable? That’s what I’m battling with.
I talked to a couple people at work about it and one girl dropped her jaw and said “you broke up with him- right?!” I told her it was more complicated than that. I soon as I said it, I realized how stupid I sounded. More complicated than that? No it isn’t. He slept on a couch with another girl. Oh- did I mention that he went out with her a few times and screwed around with her while we were supposedly working things out last fall?
The jealously factor makes me crazy also. There are guys he doesn’t want me talking to and girls (such as his psycho ex that stalks me) that I don’t want him talking to. I oblige and yet he still answers Hollie’s calls. Talk about lop-sided.
The more I type, the more I’m convinced- this relationship is too much work.
Married with Children
My boss is an awesome guy with a seemingly awesome life. He has a cute wife and a crazy adorable daughter and a step son. His office wall is plastered with their pictures. They bring him lunch frequently. He is on the phone with his wife constantly. But it is also insanely obvious that he is unhappy.
He and his wife, fight and bicker constantly. I hear them on the phone all the time and I have never heard a single conversation where they weren’t fighting. He used to say, “I love you sweetheart,” at the end of every phone call and now he barely says goodbye before slamming down the receiver. He said one time, “we have to work at it a lot.” Again, I wonder, at what point is it too much work?
I realize that divorce isn’t ideal- especially when there are kids involved. But who really deserves to have to tirelessly work at a relationship to only end up miserable anyhow?
Keep Working or Clock-Out?
I don’t expect relationships to be easy breezy but I don’t think it’s fair that they have to be so damned difficult either. When you are unhappy more that you are happy, it isn’t worth it anymore. There is no reason anyone should have to be miserable in a relationship and when you start to look at a relationship as work or as a chore, then you are bound to end up disappointed, frustrated, and possibly bitter. I don’t know about you, but I don’t find bitter to be an attractive trait in anyone, including myself.
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auntiegwen August 10th, 2009, 6:17 am
I don’t want you to think I’m an interfering or bossy kind of auntie but your mom (get me going local) and I have been cross blogging for the last few years and she’ll tell you I never tell others what to do.
You’ve got to have read NML and baggage reclaim ? and you have kind of made your mind up that his behaviour is not good for you ? and you know what to do next ?
Good, just checking
love from your auntie over the pond
Honey August 10th, 2009, 12:29 pm
I’ve been there, Kira. It’s tough.