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Why Men Don’t Love Women Who Love Cats
You may remember that Auntie Gwen, in her guest post last week, said it’s a bad idea to tell men you have cats as some men think women who have cats should be avoided. It made me wonder. Why is it exactly that men have a problem with cats and do they really avoid dating women who have cats?
David Graham maintains that men don’t like cats because they are too much like men. In an article titled Why Men and Cats Clash he explains.
Folk wisdom has it that guys like dogs and women like cats. Why? A man will tell you with satisfaction how his dog craves his love to the point of desperation. Cats, on the other hand, exhibit aloofness and independence. When they do give you affection, it is likely to be only on their terms.
Does this description of cats sound familiar? It should, because it’s also an apt description of men. Men pride themselves on their independence. And what major complaints about men do women make? Men don’t show enough affection. Men don’t talk about their feelings. Men don’t call back.
Okay, that makes some sense to me. Still, it seems there’s more to it. I once had a guy tell me that no man would ever date me because I have 3 cats. I responded, not too kindly I might add, that he had 3 huge, slobbery dogs and he got dates. What, after all, is the difference? I decided to go to the source to try to get to the bottom of this men vs. cats phenomenon.
To do so, I posted a note and bulletin on Facebook and MySpace respectively and asked the following questions:
- Do you like cats? Why or why not?
- Would you date a woman (or man) with say 3 cats? (married guys, would you have when you were single?)
- Why do you think men prefer dogs over cats?
Okay, so it’s not 100% scientific and, though it cleared some of my questions up, it also became clear to me that some of the guys’ reasoning was based on assumptions that are not necessarily valid.
Five out of the six men who responded said that they do like cats. The sixth said he likes them sometimes. CK said, “I like cats because they take care of themselves and are not ‘needy’ like dogs.” I actually think that this may be why women like them. In fact, two women (including Kira) responded to my questions. Kira pointed out that cats are actually require much less work. She said, “I have had both cats and dogs and must say that cats are way less maintenance. True, you have to take out their litter every few days but I would rather do that then have to take them out to pee every hour. Plus if I leave town for a couple days, all I have to do is set out an extra food bowl. Easy.” Backs up CK’s point very well, doesn’t it?
One of my favorite answers and, of course, one outside the norm was this one:
I actually prefer cats to dogs, which I realize is probably not going to match up with many of the responses you get, but whatever. I’m allergic to both cats and dogs, so I grew up keeping a healthy distance from both. This was always more difficult with dogs, who always jump on your or lick you. In college, I decided to get a cat when I found a hypoallergenic one. I like how it keeps to itself and seems to pursue a hidden agenda, but other times loves to be held. It’s a clever, secretive animal. It’s also small enough to not cause damage to my things and rarely chews or claws my possessions. Also scientists just proved that cats are using us. I should be more upset I suppose, but their evil nature is kinda adorable.
The link BW talks about is quite interesting. The lead reseacher in the study, Karen McComb of Centre for Mammal Vocal Communication Research at the University of Sussex, says, “I think most cat owners would agree that they like to have things their own way – and usually get it. More so than dogs I think, who are usually more subservient.” Perhaps that’s the key to the whole thing.
One guy, SS, said he thinks cats are good judges of character and that, if your cat doesn’t like a guy, that might be a red flag. There is some truth to that in my experience. My cat hated assclown #3 and rightly so. On the other hand, my ex b/f is a huge cat lover owning 2 cats himself. My cats loved him and he once said that he doesn’t trust people who don’t like cats. We all saw how that turned out.
Question #2 actually surprised me the most and was the one which I think had answers based on assumptions which may not necessarily be true. When asked if they would date a woman with three cats, all six men said probably not, but it was the reasons which blew my mind.
KP said that a woman with three cats would have a stinky house. Not necessarily true. It’s a matter of keeping up with the litter guys. My cats’ litter is in the basement and I empty it on a very regular basis. When you walk into my house, you don’t smell cats. As Kira said, “The smell….I see this buuuuut this depends on the owner. My sis and I live in a small apartment and have two cats. The litter gets ridiculous pretty quickly. But we buy good quality litter and I do my best to change it out every 2-3 days…and use febreeze very liberally.” This, I really think, is a reflection of the owner. I knew a woman once who had several cats and her house stunk to high heaven. Then again, her house was disgusting in general. The cats pissed everywhere and she obviously did not empty the litter on a regular basis. She was gross. She didn’t train her cats. That says more about her than it does her cats.
BW said,
3 cats? 3 of any animal seems a little much. Culturally there’s obviously a stigmata that that many pets denotes loneliness and desperation. Personally, I wouldn’t get involved with someone that had more than 2 pets, because it seems like a lot of extra work. Pets bring a lot of responsibility and I don’t want to cancel plans because a partner needs to feed her pets or find care for them.
Okay. I am neither lonely nor desperate. I have 3 cats because I have a compassionate heart. I got the first one from a Siamese cat rescue center. The third I took in because her owner was neglecting her horribly and I couldn’t stand it. I gave them a good, loving home.
I’ve also never, ever had to cancel or even change my plans because of my cats. Remember what Kira said? If I’m leaving town, I simply put out an extra food bowl. Simple. If I’m gone for more than a day or two, I have friends to take care of them. Again, simple. It’s never been a problem.
KP also said that a woman with three cats probably treats them like kids and talks to them all leading him not to want to go to her home. Okay. I can see that in some ways. My girl G talks to her cat in baby talk. It annoys even me. Then again, I’m annoyed when people talk to babies in baby talk. I’m sure the cats, and the babies, want to poke people’s eyes out when they do that shit. Yuck!
Question #3, why men prefer dogs over cats, was meant mostly with, “Duh. They’re man’s best friend.” Well, okay. But why? They require way more work than cats, are harder to potty train, and hump your leg. Assclown #4 had 3 black labs. They were the biggest pain in the ass I’ve ever dealt with. We certainly couldn’t leave town without finding a dog sitter because, with dogs, you can’t just put an extra bowl out. They don’t understand pacing themselves like cats do and will eat it all in the first hour. Never mind he had to go out to the yard on a regular basis to scoop poop. That’s just disgusting.
Okay. Obviously, I’m not a dog girl. Still, it boggles my mind that women with cats get such a bad rap. I think I’m going to start a new policy of not dating men with dogs. A little tit for tat if you will.
Maybe SS hit the nail on the head with this, “Dogs growl. Men growl. Cats hiss. Women hiss.” Either way, give me my cats any day. Somewhere out there, there’s gotta be a man who will love me….and my cats.
Thoughts?
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Honey August 3rd, 2009, 11:17 am
I’ve often wondered about this phenomenon as well, though FWIW, Lance loves cats (in fact he has one), and the BF hates dogs (except his) and LOVES all cats. And even his dog that he loves, he now says is annoying and he might not have adopted her if he’d realized how much work she was going to be, and how needy.
She is like an insecure, neurotic 18-year old girlfriend. It’s pathetic. Both of my cats are lovers but they never come across like that.
Now as far as expenses/traveling…I can see it more than most, since I had a kitty who died in February who was diabetic. When going out of town I had to hire a professional to come in every 12 hours and give her a shot (which worked out fine actually, since she could walk the dog at the same time). This was very expensive (though easy to arrange, you just give them the key after the interview and then anytime you’re going out of town you let the person know when to start and stop coming by, and they leave you a bill at the end). I also spent THOUSANDS of dollars just on her general care. But there’s nothing that says that a dog couldn’t get the same type of illness, or a person. Shit happens.
I think it’s just something else that somehow got feminized and now it’s really hard to undo it. There’s no logic anymore, though guys will try to convince you otherwise.
kira August 3rd, 2009, 2:40 pm
“I have 3 cats because I have a compassionate heart. I got the first one from a Siamese cat rescue center. The third I took in because her owner was neglecting her horribly and I couldn’t stand it. I gave them a good, loving home.”
You forgot to mention the 2nd one…which you got by guilting your daughter into leaving her with you!
lisaq August 5th, 2009, 9:41 am
I think you’re right Honey. It’s one of those misconceptions that isn’t easy to undo.
Haha…yeah, maybe, but Andi loves me!
ginnywp October 8th, 2009, 6:56 pm
I have 3 cats as well and it has also been a problem for me sometimes with men. I have had a couple guys say that hate/don’t like cats right to my face. One guy who didn’t call me again after finding out I had 3. A lot of men on dating websites also don’t list cats as pets they like or have. I too keep my apartment clean and smell free and am an animal lover in general and would have a dog or other types of pets (a reasonable number) if I had a house and could afford them. I guess if a man won’t date us because we have cats we should take it as a sign that he is undateable not that we are undateable. I mentioned this problem in one of my blogs as well. Good luck ladies!
Sabine December 29th, 2009, 4:00 pm
To me this is always a red flag if a guy doesn’t like cats and owns or loves dogs. Dogs are easily controlled and learn to jump on command. I have found that guys who prefer dogs tend to be quite controlling and don’t like independant girlfriends. I don’t really see the difference between owning one or 3 cats though.