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Same Shit, Different Wedding
When I was 4 my best friend, Tristan, and I decided that we would get married. I would wear a dress like the one in this coloring book we had and he would wear a pair of pants that we also saw in the coloring book. Strange, yes, but we were only 4! Well, we aren’t getting married because he is in love and has a new baby on the way and I am in love with my beau. At least we are still friends over 20 years later.
Anyhow, I digress…
The wedding day is said to be the most special day in a couple’s life. The bride and groom to be and their families shell out thousands and thousands of dollars and devote hundreds of hours all for one day. There are caterers and wedding planners and cake decorators and photographers, each contributing to the special day. Every detail is accounted for so that the day goes off seamlessly.
There are many definitions for the word “special.” Words used to describe “special” include: unique, individual, distinctive, exceptional, extraordinary, distinguished. So if weddings are supposed to be so “special” then why are they all the same???
I understand that the day is special for the couple no matter what. They are celebrating their decision to be joined in matromony for the rest of their lives (unless they are the 50% who end up divorced but that’s another post for another day!) and are excited to share that with all of their family and friends. It isn’t the cake or the dress that makes it special, it’s the union.
Ok fine. But if it is the basics of the day that make it special, then why spend so much money and so much time on something that is exactly the same as every other wedding in America right now?
Here’s the breakdown:
The Ceremony
Whether indoor or outdoor, ceremonies are getting shorter and shorter (which, as a spectator, is fine by me!). You have your traditions in the ceremony such as vows, exchanging of rings, lighting of the unity candle, kissing the bride and the presentation of the couple. Fine. Tradition is expected for the ceremony, especially if it is a religious ceremony.
Everyone then gathers outside to blow sticky bubbles on the couple as they leave the ceremony as husband and wife. If you’re me, then your bubbles never work and the cute ribbon that someone spent hours tying on always falls off.
The Reception
Guests file in and seat themselves at whatever table they find as seating arrangements are increasingly becoming a thing of the past. There are finger foods and a couple kegs available to graze as you wait for the couple. The couple arrives and dinner is served…sort of. Guests parade through a buffet in an unorganized, barn-like manner. The menu? Usually BBQ brisket and potato salad served out of aluminum trays. Then comes increasingly popular slide show of the couple from the day the were born to the day they met and so on. Next is the sweet, tearful toast from the maid of honor and the funny, albiet inappropriate toast from the best man.
The dance follows. First we have the couple’s dance. Then she dances with her father and he dances with his mother. Then we do the bridal party followed by a dollar dance and or a snowball. The cheesy ones such as the chicken dance, bunny hop, and the cotton eyed joe. Nowadays, the cuban shuffle is thrown in there. Then comes the free style dancing for those still up for it. Finally, guests start to file out because, really, they don’t know anyone but the bride and groom. The few people they did know either skipped the whole damn thing or have already moved on to a more exciting party.
The Aftermath
Eventually, the bride and groom take off for their oh-so-romantic honeymoon and all that’s left is the family’s clean up duties. What began as a very expensive, very beautiful special day is reduced to half empty beer cans and the potato salad and cake some drunk slopped on the floor.
Oh sure, there are pictures. Horribly, expensive but very beautiful pictures and, more often than not, a memorial DVD. And across town, another family of another bride and another groom are looking at exactly the same pile of rubbish.
Upon their return, the newlyweds update their Facebook statuses and order their exquisite thank you cards graced beautifully with a wedding picture on the front.
Seriously? If this day is supposed to be so special, so unique, then why is it that every wedding I attend is the same cookie cutter wedding with a different cast of characters? Where is written that we must all spend a million dollars on one day and have it all reduced to a slide show and a pile of garbage?
The reality is that the focus, and even the money, should be on the marriage and not on having a wedding just like every other person on Earth is having. Think of the money spent as money that could go toward a down payment on the couple’s first house or a savings account for when the babies start coming. And really, if we spent half as much time focusing on our marriage and our relationship and making sure they are both happy and healthy as we do on just picking out the damn dress, wouldn’t we all be better off?
Thoughts?
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Hot Alpha Female July 24th, 2009, 9:11 am
I totally agree. Weddings are becoming just that little bit cliche and repetitive. Somehow the message and the meaning behind the wedding gets lost in “what colours should the flowers be?”, “my dress needs to be versace”, “make sure my wedding is better than so and sos”, “who cares about the groom, will he look good in that latest fashion suit”.
I mean you can push it as far as it will go.
But somehow I think there should be a way where a marriage stops being a circus show and the meaning and the coming together of two people very much in love and wanting to commit to each other for a VERY long time .. is of the most paramount importance.
Maybe Las Vegas … isn’t such a bad idea? lol
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