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How Facebook Can Help You Catch a Liar and a Cheater
Gone are the days of finding lipstick on his collar to catch a cheater. You no longer have to listen in on phone calls or follow him to catch him in a lie or another woman’s bed. Hell, you don’t even have to hire a professional. All you need is a good eye and a Facebook profile–and a boyfriend who thinks he can stay ahead of the game and remove incriminating wall posts and comments.
There’s little doubt that Facebook has complicated dating for some. First, there’s the whole status business. Are you single, in a relationship or is it complicated? Changing your status from one to the other can sometimes be like walking a tightrope. There are all kinds of stories out there about people changing their status to single before an official breakup causing all kinds of problems even one about a man who murdered his wife over it.
On the reverse side if you start seeing someone and change your status to in a relationship before both of you have agreed to do so, it can stir up trouble as well. One couple changed their statuses to engaged before telling their families and the surprise announcement they planned was ruined when someone saw it and spilled the beans.
Times have changed. No doubt about it. For those not so familiar with FB, once you confirm someone as your friend, you can write on their wall, comment on their status updates and even send them cute little bumper stickers. It can be a fun flirting tool, but it can also cause a heap o’ trouble.
If you’re less than honest or trying to hide something, Facebook can become a problem especially since you can’t always control what people post on your FB. Oh sure, you can remove things in an attempt to head off trouble at the pass but there are cases when that may not be enough. Or maybe, you just won’t be quite fast enough. It’s also good to think about email notifications to those who comment on your status update or wall posts. A girl with a little common sense and a good working knowledge of FB will bust you faster than you can answer the question, “What’s on your mind?”
I had been seeing someone a few months. We hit a couple of speed bumps but had worked through that and things were going pretty well. Though we had agreed to be exclusive, we had not yet changed our Facebook statuses to ‘in a relationship’ and, for the most part, I was okay with that. We had a great time together and I’d known him for years and trusted him. Right up until things started getting hinky with his Facebook profile.
About 3 weeks ago, he told me he was going out of town for the weekend. He called me from the road on Friday and said that he would call when he got home. On Sunday afternoon, a wall post appeared on his profile from a girl. we’ll call her The Nurse. It read “The margaritas, food, music, and friends were great. Thanks soooo much for a wonderful time.” About an hour later another appeared. It was along the same lines except that it included much more detail about cooking together and drinking together, yada, yada. Almost as soon as it appeared, it disappeared. I had a WTF moment, but trusted him and gave him the benefit of the doubt sure there had to be a reasonable explanation.
A few days later, conincidentally, the night before I was to leave for vacation, he canceled our date via email. (Yeah. I know. That’s a whole other post!) The next day, when I logged on to Facebook from my hotel room, I found this from The Nurse, “Thank you for a rather enjoying relaxing evening. I must say ‘here’s to you Mr. Professor’ LOL.” Again, I thought it odd, but since he had responded with, “Not sure what that means…but okay!” I again gave him the benefit of the doubt.
The third time there was no way around it. There was no wiggle room, no room for ambiguity. I had invited him over for a movie since he was taking his dad to have surgery the next morning. I thought a distraction was in order. He begged off saying his back was hurting and he was going to take a hot bath and go to bed early. About an hour later, he updated his status to reflect the fact that he was taking his dad for surgery the next morning. I posted a comment on his status wishing him well.
Now, in case you don’t know how FB status comments work, when you post a comment on someone’s status, you get email notification of other comments left after yours. Late that night, while fighting to stay awake while waiting for Kira to arrive, I logged onto my computer to check my email and there it was, a comment on his status from The Nurse.
The Nurse also commented on The Professors’s status:
“Tell your daddy I will be thinking of him. I hope everything goes okay. Call me in the a.m. if you want. I had a good time with you tonight. I must say the Passiontini’s were great.”
Excuse me? I quickly went to his FB profile and, of course, the comment had been deleted. Apparently, he had not given thought to the email notification I would receive. Notice it says tonight. As I said, no room for ambiguity. He had obviously lied to me in order to spend the evening with her.
When I called him on it the next day, he continued to try to lie his way out of it, instead turning it on me saying I had jumped to conclusions. Please. Just because the evidence had been deleted, does not mean it never existed.
The long and the short of it is this. If you’re dating, the person you’re dating has access to your Facebook profile, and you are being less than honest, you may be setting yourself up to get caught. In fact, it’s probably a good idea not to have the person you are cheating with as one of your FB friends. Oh or maybe, just maybe, it’s best to be faithful and honest or, at least, have the balls to break up with one girl before taking up with another.
Thoughts?
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Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts July 2nd, 2009, 11:00 am
Oh boy! People will still try yo lie even when they are caught. There was a guy that tried his best to et me in bed…..I refused because he was NOT THE ONE and come to find out on his FB he was seeing someone the whole time and tried to deny it….! LOL
Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts´s last blog post..Can I have Some Consistency Please?
searchingwithin July 2nd, 2009, 11:26 am
My the tangled web we weave. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Great big hugs you have coming your way.
searchingwithin´s last blog post..The Love Triangle – The Ugly Side of Human Nature
lisaq July 2nd, 2009, 11:34 am
Honestly Tee, that was the part that hurt the most…that he lied and tried to put it on me even when there was evidence to the contrary. We had known each other for years and I thought I knew what kind of man he was. Obviously, I was mistaken…
Thanks searchingwithin. I appreciate that so much.
auntiegwen July 2nd, 2009, 3:21 pm
I don’t have a facebook account, don’t think I’ll bother now, how many times have I said it ? men, assholes the world over !
Sending you heaps of love from over the pond
xx
auntiegwen´s last blog post..The Last Lesson
lisaq July 3rd, 2009, 7:03 am
Haha…yes they are Gwen! Thanks girl! Hugs!
Me Thinks July 6th, 2009, 11:51 am
I have been dating the same guy for 15 months now. We are both on FB but haven’t ever added each other as friends (I only started using it about 5 months ago). I haven’t added him as a friend because I think it might breed jealousy/insecurity when none exists as he has a tendency towards jealousy. He doesn’t use it that much and has his friends list hidden and has said things before so I know he’s looked at who is on my list.
So now I wonder – should we keep it this way? Advantage is no misunderstanding but then again not seeing each other’s pages might be bad.
For what its worth I also have NO relationship status, its just blank.
Honey July 6th, 2009, 3:14 pm
The BF doesn’t have a facebook…he said that if I wanted him to have one (so I could “link to”his page under “in a relationship with…” that I could make one for him. Haha, wouldn’t that be the ultimate! It doesn’t matter to me, though, so I haven’t made anything
Sorry to hear about your fella, LisaQ! I’ve been there before (pre-facebook) and it sucks.
Honey´s last blog post..Good News Follows Good News: Or, LinkedIn Works!?
lisaq July 7th, 2009, 7:27 am
Me Thinks there are pros and cons both ways. If your relationship is solid and there is trust, you should be fine. If you are concerned that it might cause problems, that in itself might be something worth examining.
Thanks Honey. I appreciate that. You should make one for him and then leave yourself little love notes!
Honey July 9th, 2009, 11:31 am
Hahaha, that’s funny LisaQ! I could also friend request all his exes and spy on their pages. Don’t think I haven’t thought about it!
Honey´s last blog post..Summer Lovin’…or Not
carol July 11th, 2009, 8:58 am
funny how social networking sites like Facebook can cause so much trouble but yes, that’s true. and even if you don’t catch him or vice versa, I’m sure somebody else within your network would and eventually the word will come back to you. I say, Facebook hookups are very lethal especially if you are already nurturing a relationship.