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3 Tips to Find Summer Love
I love summer. It’s my favorite time of year, but the truth is being single in the summer can suck. You’re invited to bbq’s and picnics and weddings. There are outdoor festivals and concerts all over the place. People are hanging out at bar patios. And everywhere you go, there are couples while you’re flying solo. You’d rather poke your eyes out than go to cousin Betsy’s wedding or this year’s family reunion alone, but here you are…alone.
Fortunately for you, Paige Parker and Dating Without Drama have some great tips for finding summer love.
*STEP 1: TALK THE (SELF) TALK*
It’s no secret that the messages we give ourselves are the most important and, many times, those messages are negative ones. We give ourselves self-sabatoging, self-defeating messages almost at the blink of an eye without even realizing we’re doing it.
According to Paige:
“You may not realize it, but all day long, every day, you’re having a conversation with yourself. You make sense of the world around you, process information, and make decisions all with the help of the inner-dialogue in your mind.
This is commonly referred to as self-talk.
Your thoughts may range from neutral observations “That wall is bright red,” to extremely positive “Today’s going to be a great day,” to very negative, “I’ll NEVER find a boyfriend.”
Changing your attitude to stop those negative messages will go a long way to helping you find love this summer. And, while our thoughts often run on “autopilot,” it is possible to control them.
If you’re walking around every day telling yourself you’ll never meet a man, guess what? You won’t. Your brain starts to believe your words. And when your brain believes them, that’s the vibe you’re going to put out. You frown, you look unhappy, and you become unapproachable.
But what if you continually told yourself that today might be the day you’ll meet someone great? You’d take care in your appearance, have an inner smile and a confident walk. When you accidentally bump into that hottie at Starbucks, things would take a very different turn.
Reprogramming your self-talk is not as difficult as it sounds. It just takes a little practice and self-awareness.
*STEP 2: WALK THE WALK*
Once you’ve convinced yourself that this is the summer you’re going to meet that great man, you need to carry yourself accordingly.
Think about all of the great summer fashions out right now. Do a wardrobe makeover and create some killer summer looks. Summer fashion is all about fun and flirting, so use that to your advantage. Be careful though. You don’t want to cross the line between fun and flirty and slutty. If that cute skirt at the mall shows your ass, it might not be the best choice. Be mindful of what you’re trying to attract.
Grab some great sundresses and skirts. A great pair of capris or bermudas and a crisp white T paired with some flip flops is a great summer look. You don’t have to spend a million dollars. Just grab some basics. And don’t forget the pedi!
Remember that confident walk in step 1? Use it. Straightening your shoulders and walking with your head up will instantly make you look 5 pounds thinner and 5 years younger. Your walk will become tons more confident. You’ll be turning heads all over town.
*STEP 3: GET OUT THERE*
Okay. I get that you don’t want to go to the neighborhood bbq or cousin Betsy’s wedding alone, but if you’re curled up with a book on your couch, you’re not going to meet anyone. Seriously. The new attitude and your great new summer look may impress your cats but, the truth is, your cats already love you and it’s all going to be lost on them.
Accept every single summer invitation you get. According to Paige, season specific events and gatherings provide opportunties to meet great, quality men more than hanging out at the bar does. They also provide built-in conversation starters. For example,
“So, how do you know the host of this party?”
“Are you a friend of the groom or the bridezilla – oops, I mean bride?”
“You’re not REALLY going to take the last hot dog bun, are you?” (she jokes flirtatiously to the cute man at the grill…)
This is the perfect time of year to strike up fun, flirty, low-risk conversations.
But be careful and remember taking the pressure off of yourself to find a boyfriend and find him now is the key here. Open yourself up to meeting and dating great men. I’m not saying one of them won’t be the man you’ve been waiting for, but relaxing a bit will have phenomenal results. Men can read desperation and, if the vibe you’re putting out is, “I need to find a boyfriend NOW!” you’ll be doing yourself more harm than good. Instead, If the vibe you’re putting out is, “Yay summer! I’m so excited to get out there and have a great time! If I meet someone and it turns into something more, that’s a bonus,” you’ll be surprised at how men respond.
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searchingwithin June 5th, 2009, 8:02 am
Great advise. That darn self talk can be a killer. I call it the nasty voice, and sometimes my “bad twin”, cause it sure can get me into a lot of trouble sometimes. LOL
I for one am not at all self-conscious about being single, and I don’t hesitate to go ANYWHERE alone that my little heart desires. Movies, bars, out to eat. I love to take myself out. People sometimes have a hard time understanding that, any sometimes it give off the wrong impression, if you know what I mean, even though I dress to accent my assets, I do not by any means dress or act slutty.
Whenever I am about to enter someplace, I always give myself some positive self talk, straighten up, plant a big smile on my face, and strut on in.
Have a wonderful summer!
searchingwithin´s last blog post..How Will We Love?
Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts June 5th, 2009, 9:41 am
This is really great advice!
lisaq June 6th, 2009, 9:55 am
Ugh. I know searchingwithin. Negative self-talk is one of those things for me that takes continuous work. Great plan for when you are entering somewhere!
Thanks Tee!