What Counts As Cheating?

How would you feel if your partner chatted up an ex on facebook? Or grabbed drinks with a sexy someone they met in the airport? What about kissing someone of the same sex when you are in a heterosexual relationship?

In the June issue of Glamour, Laurie Sandell polls readers to find out what they consider cheating. It made for an interesting read, although, I’m not sure I agree with the majority on some issues.

Glamour asked:

1. Is it cheating if the relationship isn’t official?

75% of readers said yes and I agree. Some people don’t like to put labels on relationships for whatever reason but there comes a point where there has to be a line drawn or someone is bound to get hurt. If you don’t want to call each other boyfriend, girlfriend, or whatever, that is all fine and dandy but, at some point, there needs to be a discussion about exclusivity. Leaving it open ended is a recipe for disaster.

2. Is it cheating to go on a “pseudodate”?

55% of readers said no and I’m inclined to agree. While I would be way less then happy if my boyfriend went out with someone he randomly met and was attracted to, if there was no physical contact other than a handshake or small hug, I wouldn’t say it is cheating. Giving out your phone number while conveniently forgetting to mention your relationship, holding hands, or kissing, however, is crossing the line.

3. Is it cheating if you just sleep in the same bed?

68% said no and, again, I agree. Sometimes there is just nowhere else to sleep. It is possible for people to sleep in the same bed and be adults about it.

But what if they cuddled?

70% of Glamour readers said this would qualify as cheating and I would sort of agree. It is definitely NOT ok to cuddle with somebody else but I wouldn’t say it has to be the end all for a relationship.

4. Is a girl kissing another straight girl cheating?

63% said no and I flat disagree with this one. Unless you have an open relationship of sorts, kissing someone else is kissing someone else. Trust me. Been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt. If you are in an exclusive relationship, your lips should be exclusively reserved for your partner.

5. Is it cheating to exchange steamy Facebook messages?

80% said yes. I agree. The keyword here is steamy. If the messages are steamy, they are most likely private messages. This is emotional cheating that could later escalate. Now, if your partner is casually chatting up an ex or a friend on their public profile rather then sending private messages, there is likely no cause for alarm.

6. Is it cheating to have a “work spouse”?

Most, 73% to be exact, say no. My first thought was, “what the fuck is a work spouse?” Apparently it is someone at the office who is also married or in a relationship but that you have a special bond or connection with that you don’t have with your other co-workers. You go to lunch, workout together, and flirt shamelessy. You may have even “joked” about hooking up with each other.

I wouldn’t say this is cheating. The above perfectly describes my favorite co-worker and I, with the exception of talk of hooking up- mainly because she is a chick and I’m not a switch hitter. So if she had a penis would it be different? No. As long as the relationship doesn’t interfere with work or your life outside of work, who gives a shit.

7. Is getting a private dance at a strip club cheating?

I agree with the 84% that said no. Sleezy? Yes. Cheating? No. She is doing her job as a stripper and he is thinking withed his one-eyed head, as usual. And while he might enjoy her dancing, he doesn’t necessarily want to hook up with her.

8. Is it cheating if your boyfriend fools around with his gay best friend?

95% agreed that this is cheating and I am no different. Fooling around with someone else, no matter what gender they are, is cheating. End of story.
Anyone having differing opinions??

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Posted by kira on Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009 and is filed under Featured, Latest Headlines. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to “What Counts As Cheating?”

Honey June 2nd, 2009, 11:56 am

I am going to write a sort-of post on this later today…someone myspaced me about how he wished we had dated in college…we both started reminiscing a little, and then he said something that led me to believe that he hasn’t read my profile in oh, the last THREE years and didn’t know I had a boyfriend. I thought we were just talking, but he was flirting!

I guess it’s been awhile since someone really flirted with me other than the BF, or I would have known it was going on

Honey´s last blog post..Vegas, Baby, Vegas!
Holly Page June 2nd, 2009, 5:57 pm

Interesting post! My guess is that it’s more important that couples discuss, and agree upon, the many interactions that could be considered cheating, even if their agreed upon definition isn’t what the majority thinks. It seems that most couples talk about it after the fact, though, after the facebook flirting or work crush has begun.

For me, it’s hard to come up with hard and fast rules about cheating sometimes, though. It can be contextual, like “I don’t care if you flirt with other women, but don’t flirt with that bitch.” It can be complicated, for sure.
Tina T June 3rd, 2009, 10:56 pm

I hear women complain all the time about men getting too chatty with women over the internet. I think that this is definitely a form of cheating. Plus, everyone is so pressed for time these days, if you have time to “chat” it should be in person and with your significant other.

Tina T´s last blog post..Whose Opinion Matters When You’re In Love?
SomethingSomething June 12th, 2009, 8:27 am

Getting a lap dance from someone of the opposite sex while you are in a relationship or married should be considered a form of cheating and I very much consider it so. Why? Because it seems like people are going to no end with irrational technicalities about what counts and doesn’t–it’s like a point system. So, for example, “It’s cheating if lips are involved but it’s not cheating if there’s no intercourse of any sort.”

The lap dance thing is like a teaser–”But baby, it’s not like I kissed her or screwed her, she just danced in front and around me in the most sexual manner she could have possibly maneuvered her body to move.” LOOK, GUY, IT’S CHEATING! I don’t know about you ladies, but I sure as hell don’t want to think about my man voluntarily approaching another woman for some sleazy sexual arousal. That’s just gross.