Why His Bad Behavior Is Actually Good For You

I’ve mentioned Paige Parker’s Dating Without Drama before. Paige’s e-book and newsletter are full of dating tips that are based on experience and common sense. Yet many of us, yours truly at times, seem to get caught up in dating drama and wind up shooting ourselves in the foot.

In a recent newsletter Paige addresses why a man’s bad behavior may actually be a good thing for you. She makes a very good point. Here’s scenario:

You meet a great new guy. Things are going well. You have a great time together laughing and flirting constantly. He’s calling and you are seeing each other on a regular basis. You have an amazing connection and great chemistry. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, he does something completely horrible seeming to you as if he’s shown his true colors.

So what do you do? Shake your head to try to clear the confusion all the while doing everything you can to hold onto him? After all, he was incredible! There has to be a way to turn this thing back around right?

Or do you celebrate? Yes, celebrate. Why? Because he has indeed shown you his true colors. He has actually done you a favor. He has shown you that you had a narrow escape, that he was only putting on a front for you. Apparently, now he feels like you’re hooked and he can let his guard down. I don’t know about you but that’s not the kind of man I want in my life. It’s time to cut your loses, breathe a sign of relief and get on with life.

Let’s be honesst after all. It’s better now while it’s still early in the game rather later when you have completely fallen for who you thought he was. Imagine if it was 6 months or a wedding ceremony later when he decided to reveal his true self. Not nearly as easy to disengage then, is it?

This is exactly why it’s so important in the beginning of a relationship to watch for signs and red flags. It’s very easy to push them to back of your mind when you’re all caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, but it’s exactly then that you need to have your wits about you and be paying attention. Remember, you deserve someone who values and respects you. You deserve someone who is their true self all the time and who, during that time realizes how incredibly incredible you are.

If you find yourself in just such a postion, check out Paige’s Dating Without Drama now!

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Posted by lisaq on Thursday, May 14th, 2009 and is filed under Featured, Tips & Tricks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

8 Responses to “Why His Bad Behavior Is Actually Good For You”

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts May 14th, 2009, 9:33 am

A great post! Really great advice here.

Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts´s last blog post..Caught Between a Rock and A Hard Place
Thomas May 14th, 2009, 10:45 am

Can I assume that this “bad behavior” is something that’s he’s done that’s terrible?

The reason why I ask is I’ve made my own fair share of mistakes in my relationship and they were simply hiccups really. Nothing terrible at all. I feel like if it’s very small it can be given a pass (but remembered for future reference) as opposed to a deal breaker or a severe red flag.

Do you get what I am saying here?

Thomas´s last blog post..Elements of Communication: Element #5: Actually Communicating
Open Your Heart to the Love May 14th, 2009, 5:24 pm

It would be so nice if they showed you at the beginning, but this isn’t always the case. It took my last ex 1 1/2 years to show his true colors. There were small red flags, but not deal breakers. Looking back, I should have kept a closer eye on those small red flags, and some of the off handed comments he made here and there, because when you patch them together and form flag, they added up. He changed when something didn’t go just the way he wanted it to, and he changed overnight. I could not believe this was the same person. I would never in a million years have believed those opposite identities could possibly live in the same body.

Open Your Heart to the Love´s last blog post..Love Is In the Air – Lovebugs
lisaq May 15th, 2009, 5:18 am

Thanks Tee!

Yes Thomas. I was thinking something terrible. Many times we let even the big things pass and do everything we can to save something that shouldn’t be saved. Hiccups are very different. Hell, even I hiccup now and then.

You’re right Open Your Heart. Sometimes they’re so good we don’t see it for a very long time. My ex-husband was as good as your ex. I think that’s a master manipulator and very different yet at times I think if I had, as you said, pieced together the small red flags, I’d have saved myself a hella lot of heartache.
saneandsingle May 15th, 2009, 11:02 am

You know I think this is great advice, but lately I’ve been thinking that maybe I give up too early at times.

saneandsingle´s last blog post..I’m back, bitches!!!
SINgleGIRL May 17th, 2009, 6:27 pm

It’s definitely good advice. Although some of us have a hard time telling the difference between a little hiccup and a big horrible thing. Like saneandsingle, I think I’ve given up too early at times. Maybe.

But I like the idea of reframing the way you look at these things.

SINgleGIRL´s last blog post..Loved & Lost Guy
lisaq May 18th, 2009, 5:49 am

I think, saneandsingle, that sometimes, if we’ve had a lot of bad experiences, that giving up too early may be a defense mechanism. We do before they have the chance.

Thanks SINgleGIRL. I think it’s always good to look at things with fresh eyes.