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Love Lessons From VH1’s Tough Love Boot Camp
It’s been just over three years since I began my journey of self-disovery and growth. The truth of the matter is that The Secret
I’m not necessarily proud to admit that I am completely addicted to VH1’s ridiculous reality shows, but there you have it. When Tough Love began, I watched the first episode unsure if I liked it or its host, matchmaker Steve Ward. What put me off was Steve’s rule #19, don’t be hypocritical. Now, on the surface, that seems a good rule, but the context is what put me off. The context was older women dating younger men. His rule is that it’s hypocritical to date younger men because if you won’t date guys older than you, don’t expect them to date women older than they are. Obviously, not something that went over too well with me.
Yet, the more I watched, the more I realized that Steve did indeed have some insights worth paying attention to. I actually learned a lot about dating and relationships and, maybe more importantly, men’s perception of women. And, it was touching to watch the women as they learned the lessons and began to fall in love with and value themselves.
The finale yesterday contained the greatest challenge of all, an overnight getaway with a guy. One girl, Taylor, left bootcamp before the date realizing that she still had a lot of work to do on herself before she would be ready for a relationship. As I watched her explain her reasons for boot camp and Steve’s response, something clicked for me. Steve explained that love is lowering your ego boundaries and not believing someone is going to hurt you. I think this is something that I do. It’s a deeply rooted belief that is the next hurdle in my journey.
The good news is that, at this point, this is really not a daunting task. I’ve learned along the way that change is not so scary. In fact, I’ve come to welcome it because I know that it will only enhance the quality of my life and my relationships.
A couple of other things struck chords with me as well. First, and maybe related to the not believing I’ll get hurt thing, is that when I worry about being judged for my past, I am the one being judgmental. It’s a tendency to prejudge that a man will judge me.
Next, and also related, is that I don’t always realize that there is value in who I am and what I bring to the table. That’s huge and a sign that even though I have come a long way in learning to conquer my demons and learn to truly love myself, there is more work to be done. And that’s okay.
Thoughts?
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~Lori~ May 4th, 2009, 11:45 am
I had never watched this show, until this episode you posted. I like the way it was done from what I have seen. Yes, the girls are ultra gorgeous, which you have to expect for TV, would be nice to see them work with more average looking folk. BUT, I was impressed, that it seemed they were trying to get these women to be more accepting of themselves and of men. I definitely want to watch the next season. We all have “baggage” that is hard to shake off, think the biggest step is acknowledging it, and working at correcting how we went about previous choices in our lives. Thank you so much for sharing.
Honey May 4th, 2009, 12:11 pm
I’ve been hurt pretty bad in the past too, as you know Lisaq. It IS tough to feel like someone would never hurt you…I still get doubts sometimes. But you have to let people into your life anyway…
auntiegwen May 5th, 2009, 2:23 am
Remember, we’ve got half our lives left and it’s good to be figuring out what we want and need in the first half.
auntiegwen´s last blog post..A Beginner’s Guide to Essex and Daawn Saarf
lisaq May 7th, 2009, 6:34 am
I was impressed too Lori. I thought it was well done & it seemed the girls really did learn some things along the way. Hopefully, those lessons stick with them.
Yep Honey, you do. You have to take the risk. Sadly, many people just shut down and use past hurts as an excuse not to let anyone in.
It true Gwen. And this half is bound to be better than the first!