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5 Dating Rules You Should Never Break
I am really not a huge fan of eharmony. The fact that people can actually be “rejected” because they can find a match for them is absurd. However, because I signed up for a trial membership a while back and even though I canceled it almost immediately, eHarmony still sends me articles and info in order to try and get me to become a customer. I don’t like many of the articles but the following one caught my attention and I thought that it was worth sharing. It was written by an eHarmony staff member who’s name was not disclosed.
When it comes to your love life, do you wish there was a rule book? While The Rules
So how do you know the dos and don’ts of dating? The truth is there are no hard and fast rules, but the following guidelines should help you navigate the tricky terrain known as your dating life.
Rule #1: Listen to Your Gut
Whether you’re on a date, communicating with someone you meet online, or flirting with a cutie you meet in the flesh, it’s important to pay attention and listen to your gut. If a potential date’s actions or words set off an internal alarm system, you owe it to yourself to pay attention and act accordingly. These alarms can be both good and bad. For example, if you’ve met someone online and they seem interesting, then you talk to them on the phone and they sound completely different (in a negative way), you may decide not to meet them in person. A positive example would be if you were on a date with someone and they seemed nervous but well intentioned, your gut might tell you to give them a second chance. By going on a second date, you’ll gain a better understanding of who they really are and if you’d like to see them again.
Rule #2: Pay Attention to Red Flags
Like those internal alarms that alert you to your gut feelings, you also have an alarm system to alert you to red flags. Oftentimes this alarm system is turned way down. As a result, we often ignore red flags and find ourselves getting involved with inappropriate partners because we’re not paying attention. To become a truly successful single in the new millennium, you owe it to yourself to become a red flag specialist. That means paying attention to red flags as they are presented to you on dates. An example of a red flag would be if you found yourself on a date with someone who could not stop talking about their ex. They may be a fantastic person, and eventually make a great partner, but right now they’re not ready. Your job is to pay attention to that red flag and not pursue them.
Rule #3: Actions Speak Louder Than Words
During the course of your dating life you will most likely find yourself on a date with someone whose actions speak much louder than their words. Maybe they’re attentive and chivalrous to you, but treat the waiter, bartender, and/or valet poorly. Or maybe they claim they’re ready for a long-term relationship, but their wandering eye tells you otherwise. To get the most out of your dating life, it’s important to understand that actions speak louder than words. When someone’s actions are contrary to their words, this is not only a red flag, it’s gut-check time. By paying attention and screening out potential partners whose actions don’t match their words, you cut down on wasted dating time and make it that much easier to attract potential partners worth your time and energy.
Rule #4: Don’t Play Games
Successful singles know what goes around comes around. They also know the importance of being honest and well-intentioned with the people they date. As a successful single, you owe it to yourself and the individuals you date not to play games. Call when you say you’re going to call. Do what you say you’re going to do, and be honest when the other person asks if you’d like to go out again. If you don’t want to see them again, say so in a kind and considerate way. By being honest and letting them down easy, you avoid playing games. Expect the same in return. If you don’t get it, don’t play games by taking that out on the next person you date.
Rule #5: Know When to Say “Game Over”
Just as you should not play dating games, you will want to avoid getting played. Like it or not, there are plenty of players on the dating scene. It’s up to you to know the signs of the player, know their game, and be confident enough to say “game over.” Here’s how to spot a player: When they approach, they’ll take you off guard with a backhanded compliment/insult along the lines of “you’re too cute to be wearing that” or “I’d buy you a drink, but you probably wouldn’t talk to me.” These tactics are known as The Game. The player’s motive is to take you off guard so that you’re on the defensive and try to make up for it by engaging in their game. The problem is, these players aren’t genuine. Instead of falling for their tactics, simply smile, say “game over,” and walk (better yet, run!) away.
While there are no hard and fast dating rules, there are definitely guidelines to follow to make your dating life more enjoyable. By listening to your gut, paying attention to red flags, and understanding that actions speak louder than words, you cut down on wasted dating time. In doing so, you not only avoid getting played, but you also greatly increase your chances of relationship success.
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~Lori~ April 24th, 2009, 10:00 am
Following your gut is the only way to go. I dislike all these games people play when dating, I’m real straight forward and don’t pull any punches. Needless to say, not many guys know how to handle me. How hard is it to treat a person with respect and be honest, if I can give that, then I expect it in return. Nothing pisses me off than disrespect.
searchingwithin April 24th, 2009, 10:42 am
They are all common sense, and excellent rules to follow. The problem lies, I believe, when our head knows and is determined to follow these rules, however, our heart, emotions, and hormones have a complete different agenda, and all that common sense and determination goes right out the window. Also, second guessing yourself, which is one of those problems that trips me up more times than I would like to admit.
Best Wishes
searchingwithin´s last blog post..Seeking Validation and Love Through Men’s Approval
Sharon April 24th, 2009, 11:11 am
What amazes and fascinates me about online dating is that with the vast numbers of men and women on so many sites, one is bound to have to heed the rules mentioned here on multiple occasions. A person can say a lot in a profile but we have to keep in mind that this is THEIR perception of themselves…oftentimes so very different from reality. We meet dates through online venues that we never would have met otherwise, but that doesn’t mean that the good old fashioned rules of commonsense should be tossed to the wind…:)
Sharon´s last blog post..IWWG Conference AND Memoir Writing
Honey April 24th, 2009, 11:28 am
How are these not 5 different versions of the exact same rule?
Honey´s last blog post..My Game Sucks Ass Right Now and I Got Rejected 3 Times Because of It.
SINgleGIRL April 26th, 2009, 5:06 pm
As much as I hate eharm (big waste of time and money IMHO) I would have to agree with everything in these rules. And yes, Honey, they are a bit repetitive. Nothing new or earthshattering here, but it’s all good. Too bad so many people think they’re above basic, old-fashioned commonsense and courtesy.
SINgleGIRL´s last blog post..SFSingleGuy – The End