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Reader Question: How Long Do I Continue Being a Booty Call?
A reader asks:
I have a booty call relationship with this guy. I want it to be a relationship; he tells me he wants a 100 pound blonde. I’ll never be that. My last boyfriend left me for the same reason…because I’m not a skinny little thing. Anyway, this guy treats me like crap and my friends are always telling me to walk away from him, but I don’t want to be alone. How long do I continue to give it up to him?
lisaq says:
Oh sweetie run, don’t walk, run away before this man tears you down any more! He is not worth the time of day. In fact, I’m pretty sure he qualifies for the douchebag of the year award! I mean come on. He’s straight up telling you he wants something you’re not, and you’re still hanging around?
A couple of things strike me here. Let’s start with you feeling like you need man in her life. You don’t. There isn’t a damn thing wrong with being single and enjoying it! It’s better to be alone and be happy than to be with an asshole who is using you for sex all the while putting you down.
That brings me to the second thing which is insecurities and self-esteem. It sounds to me like you don’t like yourself very much. So what you’re not 100 pound blonde? You’re you and that’s more than enough. What you have to do is learn to love yourself just as you are. This guy, and the last one for that matter, are idiots and have you believing you’re good enough to f*ck but not good enough for a relationship because you’re not a skinny minny. They’re wrong girl!
Here’s my suggestion. Walk away now. Don’t give it up to him one more time. Then take a break from men…all men. Spend some time getting comfortable in your own skin. Make a list of all the wonderful things about you. Start your days with positive affirmations and start falling in love with yourself. Right now you are attracting all of your worst fears. You are attracting men who are validating exactly what you are insecure about. Time to put that shit away and learn to love you for you. You’ll be amazed at the quality of men you’ll attract and how much happier you’ll be single once you do.
kira says:
So basically, if you continue on with this dip wad, one of two scenarios will play out.
Scenario One: You keep coming to his beck and call until one day he meets this skinny blonde he thinks of when he jacks off. He shrugs you off and runs off into the sunset with Miss Barbie. You are left alone and miserable. What a way to be.
Scenario Two: You keep coming to his beck and call and he never meets this skinny blonde he thinks of when he jacks off. He keeps calling you and you keep going (or coming, whatever the case may be), all the while knowing you aren’t what he really wants. You are just something that will do for the moment. What a way to be.
The answer seems clear to me. Drop this loser and find someone worth your time. There are many guys out there and many that would love you exactly the way you are. Who knows, they may even hate skinny blondes.
Can’t find anyone worth it? Well, get a dildo for the orgasm and a dog for the companionship.
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searchingwithin April 3rd, 2009, 5:55 am
Sometimes, it seems, we enjoy being a total douchbag to ourselves. More so than any guy could possibly be, by allowing these types of people into our lives. No man can possibly see in you something that you don’t see yourself.
Best Wishes
searchingwithin´s last blog post..Love Means Never Having to Say Your Are Sorry, Or Does It?
Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts April 3rd, 2009, 10:01 am
Great advice lady’s.
Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts´s last blog post..I Just Can’t
Honey April 3rd, 2009, 2:50 pm
Yes – this person is allowing herself to be treated this way, seeking out those who will tell her the negative things she believes about herself.
The key is to consciously decide on positive self-talk and to eliminate people from your life who mistreat you. It IS conscious, and therefore awkward, in the beginning – but eventually it becomes innate. And then, look out!
Honey´s last blog post..Spring Chicken: Birthday Celebrations!
ben April 3rd, 2009, 11:40 pm
In what way is this guy being a douchebag exactly? From the information provided, he’s been quite upfront with what he wants. (sex: no relationship). (other than the vague ‘treats me like crap’, with no examples)
It appears that it is the woman who is out of line here, pushing for a relationship when he has clearly stated he does not want that. If you know that, then why are you with him? Grow a spine.
shawn April 4th, 2009, 12:10 pm
Your a very beautiful women firstly.
and also I think you are skinny, another thing you have to think about it do you love being used for one thing and hey alot of people out there are driven on sex so maybe you are a little.
today i think you need to think about it do you want someone to respect you for you or do you want to just have sex, i know you dont just want to have sex so id from today on id always make sure he respects you and you guys can have sex and you can hope he ends up respecting you.
if he can respect you, he can one day be with you. see with you making him respect you he will either keep messing with you or he will say i need to go find another cuddy buddy.
shawn April 4th, 2009, 12:17 pm
and ben after reading your post. you are right so, back to you beautiful hes doing nothing wrong.
You need to decide what you want todo. theres alot of guys.
lisaq April 5th, 2009, 8:25 am
You’re completely right searchingwithin. We teach people how to treat us. By allowing this kind of behavior, we are saying it’s okay.
Thanks Tee!
You got it Honey! She has to see herself as worthy before anyone else will and that IS a conscious decision.
I disagree Ben. It sounds to me like you are saying that it’s okay for us to disrespect others as long as they allow it. I’m certainly NOT saying that she doesn’t bear responsibility, but I don’t think it’s okay to excuse his behavior simply because she lets is happen.
You make some great points Shawn and I think you have hit on something important here. I think she is somewhat driven by sex. I also think that part of that comes from believing giving sex will get her the love she is so desperately seeking. Misguided for sure, but not I disagree that he should be let off the hook.
kira April 6th, 2009, 9:25 am
I have to say that I only partially disagree with Ben. He is being up front with her about what he wants. Because she knows the terms of the relationship up front, she has little room to complain about it if she chooses to stay involved with him. He is in no way, shape, or form, leading her on.
On the other hand, what does make this dude a total loser AND a total douchebag, is that he flat out tells her she isn’t good enough for him. She isn’t a 100lb blonde and that is what he wants. This puts him at douchebag status for 2 reasons: 1) If 100lb blondes are his thing, then why is he screwing around with someone outside of that box in the first place? 2) No one deserves to be told they aren’t good enough based on their looks or body type. Pure and simple.
There are plenty of awesome guys out there that aren’t solely looking for a tiny blonde, so why not go out and find someone that will appreciate you for exactly who you are and how you look?
Tom Bailey December 1st, 2009, 12:43 pm
When a woman says that a man says something like this I am suspect:
“I want it to be a relationship; he tells me he wants a 100 pound blonde”
I have been in relationships where a woman says something along the lines of
You want to be in a relationship with _____ dont you?
I answer no.
She says yes you do you want _______
I still answer no.
She says it so many times and so many ways it suddenly turns into something I said. LOL. There are VERY few men that would ever say such a thing this could be one of those very few but sometimes you do not get the whole story from either side. But it does make for interesting blogging.
I thought I was the only one… But I have had other guys that get asked the same question over and over and over and over and over… and change the answer once and that becomes what they said in the first place.
Great blog.
Best regards,
Tom Bailey
arnell johnson July 13th, 2010, 10:37 am
Relationships are tricky, especially for guys, we have a tendancy to be emotionally unattached and that makes us seem insensative to others. For your sake I would be completly honest with this guy and ask him, what he wants from you, and if it is not what you want than you need to move on.
arnell johnson´s last blog ..7 Steps on How to Save a Relationship