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Sometimes You Have to Be What You Aren’t to Get What You Need
As many of you know, I am a huge believer in the Law of Attraction. What you think, what you say, what you believe will come to pass. Over the weekend the importance of this really came back into focus for me. Even more relevant is that sometimes we really sabotage ourselves by what we think about and make our reality without even realizing what we’re doing.
My mini-journey began with a email newsletter I subscribe to from Anisa Aven. The part that got my attention was this.
When that doubt creeps in, put your foot down and fight it off with your intentional detachment. I will often have very adamant conversations with my doubts. I literally make a loud noise with my hands as I slap the table or clap loudly to make my doubts cease and desist. I’ll shake my fists at my doubts as I say, “That’s okay. If the worst that could happen, happens, so be it. I’ll survive. I’ve always survived before and I’ll survive this. Whatever happens, it cannot ever be as bad as what others are experiencing right this moment – so who am I to be so grim and doubtful. I choose to be grateful for this moment. I’m willing to trust in the Divine Order. I am willing to let go and let God handle my life and affairs. I’m willing to forgive myself for having these stupid doubts, for not being more certain and for getting in my own way. And, I let this go. I forgive myself. I ask for guidance and faith and I command my inner knowingness to trust in this process now. I am faith. I am a Divine Child of an all-providing father/mother/God and I allow my greatest good to flow to me now. I am certain. I am calm. And I am at peace. So be it.”
I began to realize that I was the thing that was getting in my way. A series of events in my dating life had caused me to not only lose confidence in myself, but also to put a big ass wall with a sign that said “Do Not Approach!” Worse, I was really unaware that I had done so. But as Secret teacher Joe Vitale said in a recent blog, “When your brain is trained to see specific things, your eyes will spot them easily.” I had trained my brain to believe that no men would approach me and that, if they did, they must only want sex from me. And sure enough what was circling around in my brain came to be.
At the club, I was rarely approached by men. Recently, on two separate occasions, when I was approached, it was with the goal of getting laid. Ironically, I had been unhappily celibate for almost 7 months, and was carrying around enough pent up sexual energy to power a small city. Yet, because I’m not a casual sex kind of girl, I was so stuck on the fact that all they wanted from me was sex, I didn’t stop to consider that I created quite the quagmire where sex and getting my sexual needs fulfilled had turned into a huge mess in my brain.
This weekend things changed. When my girlfriend and I walked into the club Friday night the first person I saw was a guy I had gone out with once a couple of years ago. It was one really bad date. When I saw him I thought, “F*ck him! I don’t need him! I can have any man in here.” As we sat down and I looked around, I began a little positive self-talk. I told myself I was confident, strong and desirable. Holy crap! What a difference! The men flocked to me like bees to honey. I spent more time on the dance floor than ever before. All because I changed my thinking. No, I obviously didn’t meet the man of my dreams in the bar, but I had a helluva better time than usual.
And that was just the beginning. Saturday night proved to be an even better one. My girl L and I had gone to a birthday party and then bar hopping. We had a running conversation about how badly I needed to get laid and why I hadn’t. By the time we arrived at the club, I knew that something had to be done. It was time to take matters into my own hands. And that’s exactly what I did. Not only did I not come home alone, my experience in the bedroom was quite different than any I’ve had before. My confidence transferred to the sex and it was incredible, new experience for me.
So, the lesson learned is simply this. Don’t paint yourself into a corner. Be aware of what you’re training your brain to believe. Sometimes you have to break out and be something that you usually aren’t to get what you need.
Thoughts?
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searchingwithin March 26th, 2009, 8:18 am
That little voice in our heads that seems to take great joy in saying some of the most horrible things about us, sure can reek a lot of havoc in our lives. It’s hard to quiet it down, and change it, when it has been around so long we don’t even notice it is there much of the time, but….when we do. whohoo, lookout.
Best Wishes
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auntiegwen March 26th, 2009, 11:36 am
Go you, I hope your new found confidence continues
auntiegwen´s last blog post..A Little Puzzle For me
lisaq March 27th, 2009, 5:55 am
Yes it does searchingwithin. Look out is right! I’m ready to go now!
Thanks Gwen! Me too!
Honey March 27th, 2009, 2:08 pm
Yay sex!
Honey´s last blog post..Moving Closer: Anger, Recession, and Relationships