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How to Manage Loneliness
I have a very full life. I have a great job that I love, an incredible family and awesome friends. Life is busy. I work hard and play hard. I’ve made a recent promise to myself to get out more and socialize more and have managed to do a fabulous job of doing just that. Time alone, especially on the weekends, has been cut by quite a lot, and I’m thrilled. I’m very happy with myself and with my life.
Yet, I admit, there are times when I still get a little lonely. Times when I’m lying in bed alone at night or curling up on the couch to watch a little TV when I think it would really be nice to have someone to curl up with. Sometimes it gets tough.
But according to Cyndi Targosz loneliness is normal. In fact, she says, everyone gets a little lonely sometimes. In her recent book, Dating the Younger Man: Guide to Every Woman’s Sweetest Indulgence
Remember-everybody gets lonely.
Cyndi says that it’s natural to get lonely. According to her, it’s your mind’s way of sending you a signal. Maybe it’s saying, “Hey, you have needs that are not being met!” Maybe it’s telling you that you need to make some changes. Maybe it’s time to make some new friends or find a new hobby or even to find better, more constructive ways to be alone without being lonely. Remember, only you know what your needs are and you alone are responsible for making sure that those needs get met.
Speak up!
People like to be acknowledged. Think about how you feel when someone you pass in the grocery store gives you a big smile and says hello. Feels good doesn’t it? Targosz says that psychologically speaking out and being the first to say hello can help you feel like you are a part of the race. “It may be a rat race, but at least you belong, and that’s not quite as lonely.”
Smile. Smile, smile, smile!
Smile at people everywhere you go. At the bank, in the takeout line, while waiting for appointments, even while driving. Smiling is energy–contagious energy. Smile and people will smile back. According to Cyndi, “studies show that a smiling person is perceived to be more attractive, sincere, competent, and sociable than a nonsmiling person.” It also releases endorphins that, in turn, make you feel better.
Be seen.
Get your butt up off the couch and get out there. Join clubs and organizations. Play a sport. Volunteer. Whatever. Wherever. But remember, life is about balance. Too much of a good thing often becomes a bad thing. If you overload your schedule, rather than feeling lonely, you’re just going to feel exhausted. And, oddly enough, if you’re schedule is too overloaded, you make actually feel more alone. Some people even over-schedule in an effort to cover up their fear of being alone.
Build friendships.
Some women think that once they find a man, they won’t need their friends and that the loneliness will disappear. This really couldn’t be further from the truth. If you wrap yourself up in a man and cut yourself off from friends, you may feel more lonely and isolated than ever. Build friendships. Be a good, kind friend. Fill your life with many different kinds of people and cultivate those friendships.
Don’t fake it.
Be you. Be real. Don’t fake an interest in people or activities. What gratification is there in that? Cyndi says that you should naturally gravitate to people and things that genuinely interest you. It’s all about being true to you.
Ditch deprivation.
Can’t find someone to go do what you wanna do? Do it anyway. There’s nothing wrong with going to a movie or that new art show alone though I’m the first to admit that’s sometimes easier said than done. According to Targosz, though, it can actually build confidence and bring you a sense of empowerment. She says that it’s a great way to meet people and can be a lot of fun.
The bottom line.
You are indeed responsible for getting your needs met. Meeting a man isn’t the answer. Neither is depending on your friends to keep you entertained. If you’re lonely, it’s up to you to do something about it.
Thoughts?
Order Dating the Younger Man: Guide to Every Woman’s Sweetest Indulgence
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searchingwithin February 25th, 2009, 8:23 am
Ditch Deprivation – I have notice throughout my life that this one seems to be one of the hardest things for people to do, especially women. I myself, do this all the time. I think nothing of taking myself out to eat, a movie, etc., but I have had more people comment on this. Either they act like they feel sorry for me when they see me alone, or they make comments that they could never do this. As far as myself, I find it quite natural.
Best Wishes
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auntiegwen February 25th, 2009, 1:34 pm
I’m working on this. Thanks for the reminder. xxx
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Honey February 25th, 2009, 2:37 pm
When I left the city I’d lived in for 5 years (and the job and friends I’d made there) to move in with the BF I was HORRIBLY lonely. It’s gotten MUCH better since I started working and participating in things like my sorority alum club, but it was VERY tough at first – I can totally relate.
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lisaq February 26th, 2009, 6:44 am
Yeah searchingwithin. That’s the one I struggle with. The last time I went to dinner alone was one of the most uncomfortable meals I’ve ever had. I’m working on it though.
Me too Gwen. It’s not always easy, but very necessary.
I actually thought of you as I was writing the article Honey. It’s really hard to move to a totally new place. Glad it’s better!
Cyndi Targosz September 26th, 2009, 2:12 am
Hi! It’s Cyndi Targosz. Just found your site today on Bing. Thank you for quoting from my book DATING THE YOUNGER MAN which is really about ageless love. I am thrilled that so many women are ditching deprivation. We need to encourage each other to be comfortable in our own skin. Congrats on your great site!
I am passionate about empowering women and building confidence. I invite you and your readers to visit my site http://www.starglow.com for a complimentary subscription to my e-zine Cyndi’s Secrets. I have also linked you on my FB page. Thanks again! Cyndi 20-forty.com rocks!
lisaq September 26th, 2009, 8:30 am
I’m so glad you found us Cyndi and I really appreciated your book. For quite awhile after reading it, I found myself quoting it to family and friends. You’ve done a wonderful job of empowering women! Thanks too for the FB link (BTW I just became your fan!) and for the complimentary subscription invite.