20-forty.comBecause love isn't always 20/20!
Managing Your Dating Expectations
You may remember that one of our 2009 dating resolutions was to raise our standards but lower our expectations. The truth is that isn’t always an easy thing to do. Expectations can really screw you up when it comes to dating. Many times they can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is you will get what you expect.
Over the past six months or so, all but one or two of my dates have been huge disappointments. There was the one who made me feel as if it was the Spanish Inquisition more than a date. There was one who reminded me physically of Kira ex-boyfriend and who lip locked me in the parking lot to the point where I wasn’t sure I could wrench my lips away from him. And on and on and on. It was staring to get ridiculous. I came to a point where I almost expected to be disappointed. And therein lies the problem.
Sometimes in dating, as in life, you get what you expect. Expect a crappy date and a crappy date is exactly what you will get. It sets you up for a fall before you ever get out of the gate. It becomes a cycle. You expect a crappy date, you get a crappy date. You’re fears are validated so you become sure the next date will be as crappy as the last so you expect a crappy date. Round and round it goes. You become your own worst enemy.
Over the weekend I met someone new. We had a mutual friend and I asked for an introduction. She set it up and we arranged to meet. The situation was a little different. He was planning to be in town to meet up with a bunch of people, my friend included, to have a little going away for a classmate about to ship off to Iraq. My friend was going to text me and I was going to meet up with them.
There was a difference here. I did not view it as a date; only as a “meet.” Without even realizing it, I vanquished all of my negative expectations simply because I viewing it in a different way. The evening was fabulous. The guy was great. We all had a great time. Just that easy.
Even so yesterday old doubts started creeping in. I kind of thought I might have gotten that old she’s good enough to party with/sleep with but not date vibe from him. And that’s when it hit me. I’m so afraid of that happening that I expect it to happen. Does he? I have no idea. I suppose you’d have to ask him. The point is my expectations are that guys will see me in that way. That’s on me; not on them.
My point is you have to not only keep your dating expectations in check, you also have to be aware of all of them because the truth is you may be expecting things you don’t even realize you are.
Thoughts?
Related posts:
- 5 Dating Rules You Should Never Break I am really not a huge fan of eharmony....
- Dating the Recently Divorced Man There are many things to consider when you make...
- All About Calling-Paige Parker Answers 5 Burning Questions According to Paige Parker and Dating Without Drama it’s...
- The Dos & Don’ts of Texting & Dating I love texting as anyone who knows me can...
- Why His Bad Behavior Is Actually Good For You I’ve mentioned Paige Parker’s Dating Without Drama before. Paige’s e-book...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
searchingwithin February 9th, 2009, 7:17 am
What’s worse is when you enter into a relationship doing the same thing, and we are all guilty of it at varying degrees.
~Best Wishes~
searchingwithin´s last blog post..I Did Not Realize It Was Strange
Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts February 9th, 2009, 9:25 am
You are so right about this. Our expectations becaome a self fullfilling prophecy if we are not careful.
Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts´s last blog post..Second Time Around
auntiegwen February 9th, 2009, 1:41 pm
Ah, the triumph of hope over experience ! Not quite so easy in practice though is it ? x glad you went out and had a good time x
auntiegwen´s last blog post..Valentine Schmalentine
lisaq February 10th, 2009, 6:25 am
That’s very true searchingwithin. Expectations can trip you up in just about any situation.
I think we overlooked the whole self fulfilling prophecy business Tee. It’s a good thing to always be aware of.
That’s the truth Gwen! Thanks girl. It was a fabulously fun night!
olderbutwiser February 19th, 2009, 6:26 pm
As a male reading this article, it does give some insight into what we are doing wrong when it comes to dating.I do believe there comes a time in dating when you have to change the old routine and also seek better quality people.
olderbutwiser´s last blog post..Dating Tips: Online Dating Scams
lisaq February 20th, 2009, 5:46 am
We definitely do olderbutwiser. You know the definition of insanity right? Continuing to do the same things, but expecting a different result. Changing up the old routine is a must especially if you’re attracting disappointment.