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Blind Date Hell!
I knew there was a reason I hadn’t been on a blind date in 15 years. A damn good reason. The last one resulted in a knock at my door at 6:30 a.m. It was the police with the dude in tow drunker than a skunk after walking into my neighbor’s house. After the initial date, we had gone out several times in the span of about a month. When he was arrested in my neighbor’s house, he had an engagement ring in his pocket. Yikes! Blind dates are bad. Very bad.
Yet, when my co-worker wanted to set me up, I stupidly agreed. Not that I wanted to, but because I knew her heart was in the right place and I felt bad saying no. Even so, I managed to put her off for several months before she finally pinned me down to a date and I spent the entire week dreading it.
The first sign that trouble lie ahead was that infamous line, “He’s really nice.” Not one word about how he looked. Nope. Just that he was nice. I had a bad feeling I was in trouble.
The other thing that made me nervous is the co-worker herself. Now don’t get me wrong…she’s a very nice girl. Uh huh, you see where I’m going with this. She is one of those girls who doesn’t wear makeup and doesn’t do anything but run a comb through her hair. I couldn’t imagine that our tastes in men would be anywhere within a million miles of each other.
So, I did the only thing I knew to do…research. I emailed G. Now G knows people who know people and she put out some feelers. The feedback was less than encouraging. Nice but nerdy. Shit! Nerdy is not my cup o’ tea. G tried to be supportive pointing out that at least there might be a free meal involved. Kira was more direct. I believe her exact word were, “Mom, you are the most retarded person I know.” She went on to point out that nerdy does not necessarily mean taped glasses and a pocket protector. Okay. Point taken. I’ll try to be open minded.
And I really did try. Right up until I walked into the restaurant. My heart sank. There he stood in his Bill Cosby sweater and loafers sporting a horrid bowl cut. At that point, the only saving grace was that it was a double date so at least I didn’t have to try to make conversation one on one.
As the evening progressed I reallized that even worse than the sweater was the fact that the man had the personality of a dead fish. If it hadn’t been for the fact that I had my co-worker to talk to, I would have had to drink myself into oblivion just to get through dinner.
After dinner, we went downtown to a club where I realized that blind date dude was completely socially awkward. It wasn’t just nerves that made him unable to converse with me, he just really had no clue how to interact with people period.
I thought that the evening would never end. My co-worker wasn’t at work today, but tomorrow I need to email her and thank her for thinking of me but tell her that, unfortunately, a love connection wasn’t made. I know I have to do this because she called and left me a voicemail thanking me for going out with them and saying that Mr. BDD said he had a really good time. I can’t risk him asking for another date.
A friend asked, “What’s the matter? You’re not looking for a project?” Ummm…NO! Even though I might be able to do something about the sweater and loafers, there’s not a hella lot I can do with the whole no personality thing. Besides, if I want a fixer upper I’ll buy a house; not get a boyfriend.
Thoughts?
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Seductress January 28th, 2009, 10:59 am
I’ve had a few of my own blind date fiascos in years past. But look at it this way, at least you have a funny story to tell. That is, after enough time has passed that you actually can look back and find it funny!
Seductress
Seductress´s last blog post..Are Negative Attitudes Blocking Your Seductiveness?
auntiegwen January 28th, 2009, 1:24 pm
Poor you, when will our Prince Charming hurry up and arrive ?
I’m fed up waiting
auntiegwen´s last blog post..PostSecret
Ben January 28th, 2009, 7:44 pm
I don’t understand.. why had you ” gone out several times in the span of about a month” if the first date was so awful?
Or are these different dates? Unclear.
Ben January 28th, 2009, 7:47 pm
Ah, i think i get it, the proposal-guy was your last one, this was your new one. Your writing is ocasionally a bit hard to follow.
I’d change this sentence:
“Yet, when my co-worker wanted to set me up (this time)”
Still, after the first date, you can’t blame “blind dates”, only yourself for agreeing to a second date. So proposal-guy has nothing to do with how you met him.
-Ben, free editing services.
lisaq January 29th, 2009, 6:16 am
Good point Seductress. Surely some day it will be funny.
Oh Gwen…sooner rather than later I hope!
Sorry you had trouble following Ben. I reread it and it makes sense in my head…then again a lot of stuff makes sense in my head that doesn’t in anyone else’s. hehe…I disagree though. I think blind dates by their very nature suck. And the proposal guy was a direct result of a blind date.
Craze January 29th, 2009, 4:37 pm
Sounds like blind date hell.
Craze´s last blog post..Dude
lisaq January 30th, 2009, 5:42 am
Oh it definitely was Craze!
Honey February 9th, 2009, 7:48 pm
The BF is kind of a dork, but definitely attractive and socially savvy! I feel ya, Lisaq!
Honey´s last blog post..Our Financial Philosophy: Or, Grocery Store, Part Deux