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Is This The Way Sex Is Supposed to Be?
Here we are. All of us basically alone. Separate creatures circling each other. All searching for the slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places. Some, they just give up hope because in their mind they’re thinking, “Oh, there’s nobody out there for me.” But all of us, we keep trying over and over again. Why? Because every once in awhile, every once in awhile, two people meet and there’s that spark. And yes, Bones, he’s handsome and she’s beautiful and maybe that’s all they see at first. But making love, making love, that’s when two people become one.
When we do it right, we get close…[to] a miracle. Those people role playing, fetishes, and all those sex games, that’s crappy sex. At least compared to the real thing.
-Special Agent Seely Booth, Bones
I’m not a big proponent of casual sex, never have been. Not that I have anything against it necessarily. Each to his or her own as far as I’m concerned. I just know it’s not for me. Because like Seely Booth, I’d really rather find the real thing.
How many times have you been in a FWB relationship or had a one night stand that left you feeling fulfilled? Have you ever woken up next to someone and wondered what the hell you were thinking? I mean sure maybe the sex was good but, even if it was good, wasn’t it crappy? Didn’t you feel a little like shit the next day?
Personally, I am looking for someone to grow with, to feel close to, to share hopes and dreams with. I’m not going to find that in casual sex situation. None of us are.
According to Dr. Sue Johnson:
Emotional presence and trust is the biggest aphrodisiac of all and the thrill can last a lifetime. When you can have this kind of sex, rejoice and hold your lover tight. This is the way sex was supposed to be.
That’s what I want. Not crappy sex. I want that real connection. I want to find that person who touches me emotionally. I want sex the way it’s supposed to be. I miss it. I miss sexual intimacy.
Thoughts?
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Seductress January 23rd, 2009, 8:25 am
I’m not a fan of casual sex either. Not because it’s immoral, or wrong though many arguments can be and are made for those positions; but because I hear time and again how empty and lonely it makes people feel.
Many people who’think’ they can handle it and do handle it for awhile find themselves regretting it years later when they find themselves in a different emotional place or finally in a committed loving relationship where they experience sex the way it’s suppose to be felt and shared.
That regret can be felt as mourning little peices of themselves that they feel they lost each time they laid down with someone they ultimately weren’t connected to, and didn’t have their best interests at heart. Not to mention the ramifications of failed birth control exposing them to disease or an unwanted pregnancy. Those things affect not only the people involved but society at large. Sometimes permanent consequences of a meaningless event.
You’re right, to each his own and grown concenting adults can do what they wish with their bodies. But sex is never ‘just sex’; we don’t ‘do it’ in a vacuum. There are always emotional, physical and societal consequences.
Seductress´s last blog post..What Does This Gift Say About His Feelings For Me?
auntiegwen January 23rd, 2009, 8:57 am
I’ve never had a FWB relationship and I’ve never has a 1 night stand. I’m far too much of a love junkie to cope with that, I need to be adored, my ego is way too fragile for that.
The most perfect love making I ever had was with the person I waited the longest to sleep with, I felt we had a real connection and maybe because the anticipation made the feeling more intense.
auntiegwen´s last blog post..When I grow up I want to be…
Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts January 23rd, 2009, 11:18 am
Casual sex does leave you feeling very empty. Not my cup of tea.
saneandsingle January 23rd, 2009, 7:04 pm
Where the hell is my real thing???
saneandsingle´s last blog post..Tomorrow
lisaq January 24th, 2009, 6:01 am
You make some very valid points Seductress. Every action has a reaction of some kind.
Yep Gwen. Those kinds of relationships can wreck havoc on the ego. There’s no doubt about it.
Me neither Tee.
Haha saneandsingle. Maybe he’s in hiding somewhere with mine!
Lance January 25th, 2009, 10:18 pm
Obviously, I love safe casual sex, but I’m a dude and that’s in my DNA. Intimacy and emotional connection is great and the sex there can be great too.
I think your audience would really dig this NY Times article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html?_r=1&em
Lance´s last blog post..Filthy Butt Sex On New Years Eve
lisaq January 26th, 2009, 6:34 am
I actually read that article yesterday Lance. It’s definitely an interesting one.
searchingwithin February 4th, 2009, 11:27 am
Excellent article, and I love the comment that Seductress left. Her statement, “mourning little pieces of themselves that they feel they lost each time they laid down with someone they ultimately weren’t connected to, and didn’t have their best interests at heart”, says it all for me.
Even though most everyone has at one time or another engaged in meaningless sex, I find it hard to believe that someone, even if buried deep inside, we are all left with a bigger hole than we were seeking to fill, when everything has been said and done.
I am much happier saving the gift of my body for the man who is going to grab a hold of my hand and heart, and never let go.
~Best Wishes~
searchingwithin´s last blog post..Difficulty in “Complimenting” a Woman
Honey February 9th, 2009, 7:40 pm
I had a lot of fun with NSA sex when I was younger, but I think that’s because, for a variety of reasons, I wasn’t with a person or in a place where I was capable of more. I don’t think I could go back to that if I were single again…a good relationship, even if it doesn’t stay good forever, changes your views forever!
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