20-forty.comBecause love isn't always 20/20!
Christmas Can Bite Me!
It was early December 2006. I had been in counseling since July for recurring, chronic depression. My brother was killed in August. Five days after the funeral TG left me for someone else. It was going to be the first Christmas Kira was only going to be home for a few days rather than a few weeks. I already hated Christmas. Had hated it since my divorce three years earlier.
Sitting there in my counselor’s office, I was hating the holiday at a level beyond a simple Bah Humbug. Then she said it. “Sometimes we just have to make new traditions.” WTF? We? Who the hell is we? You and I? Oh no. Just me. I’m not sure I can express the amount of anger I felt at that moment. She obviously had no idea what I was trying to deal with.
Because, let’s face it, I can establish all of the new traditions in the world, scour the web for advice for singles during the holidays and still, at then end of the day, go to bed alone.
Two years later, my hatred of the holidays is still as strong. Last year I tried. I really tried to find holiday spirit, to find some reason to be jolly. It just wasn’t there. It still isn’t there. I just want it to be over.
The truth is people who know me are surprised when I tell them I hate Christmas. Usually I’m so positive and upbeat. I try to always find things to be grateful for in every situation but this one…this one kicks my ass.
Last year Kaci was upset when I wanted to go with a little Charlie Brown tree instead of putting the big tree up. I just couldn’t do it. So the mini tree went up. This year I wasn’t going to put one up at all until Kira bought a cute little pink tree with black ornaments for our Pure Romance open house. It has a “naughty” pillow hanging from it. Seems perfect for me. But that’s the extent of it. I got the stockings out but can’t seem to hang them. There’s no nativity, no lights, no real decorations, very few gifts.
Is it over yet? I just really want it to be over. I want to go back to normal. I want to walk into the grocery store without the Salvation Army dude wishing me Merry Christmas. I want to turn on the radio without that damn Christmas music blaring at me making me want to throw up.
Here’s hoping that Christmas for you is merry and that your Christmas spirit is bringing you joy and happiness. Me? I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…
Related posts:
- Single for the Holidays? I don’t about you but I really do struggle...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
auntiegwen December 23rd, 2008, 11:49 am
I have had 3 friends say the very same thing to me in the last few days. I think because my children are still at home it makes it easier to have the festive spirit or go through the motions of it.
I always find it difficult not to look back through rose tinted glasses but never more so than this time of year, and I know many of my friends feel the same.
I wanted to go away to the sunshine for a week and say forget it to all the fuss and prep but the children really wanted it, so I’ll do it but like you, my heart isn’t in it.
Know you’ve got an open invite here anytime, and email as much as you like, I’m always happy to hear from you,
With much love, your friend
gwen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
auntiegwen´s last blog post..Being a Teenager again
lisaq December 24th, 2008, 8:31 am
Awww Gwen! Thanks girl! Love you!
saneandsingle December 26th, 2008, 11:03 am
Aww…I can understand why you hate it so much! I don’t like so much myself, but I don’t HATE it. I do get lonely. I know it’s got to be unbearable for you right now. It’s almost over though! If I was near, I’d give ya a hug and some margaritas!! Of course, I’d help you drink them!
saneandsingle´s last blog post..It’s Raining Men! Hallelujah!
lisaq December 27th, 2008, 8:55 am
Thank you saneandsingle. Thank God we’re almost to the end!