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Older Women, Younger Men Myths Debunked
There are many myths concerning older women, younger men age gap relationships. In fact, myths exist because many people don’t understand the dynamic. They jump to conclusions and assumptions because they don’t understand. And what they don’t understand, many times, they judge and consequently disapprove of.
The truth of the matter is that an age gap relationship is a relationship just like any other. It’s not about the year they happen to have been born, but about how they relate to and interact with each other. It is, for many, about the relationship, the person, the connection. No one’s saying that incredible sex with a young man in his prime or vice versa isn’t one hell of a bonus. It’s just not what it’s all about. In fact, many age gap relationships result in long term relationships and even marriage.
Myth #1
Younger men want older women because they have a “mommy complex.”
The truth is the younger man is attracted to the older woman’s ability to nurture. It’s not a mommy complex so much as an appreciation for what she can offer him that, perhaps, a younger woman can not. She, because of her life experiences, is more in tune with feelings (both his and hers) and can therefore empathize and relate to him on a higher level.
It’s more about her maturity than her mothering him. He appreciates her experience. He knows that in her he will find a woman less materialistic and less likely to play games than a younger woman.
The other side of the myth is that the older woman wants to mother him. Ummm, no. Many times we’ve already mothered. We’ve raised our children and have no desire to raise anyone else’s.
Myth #2
Older women who date /have relationships with younger men are predators. I.E. the “C” word..cougars.
Ugh. There’s not another word in the English language I hate more. It’s degrading and disrespectful. Not to mention it’s crap. That’s not to say there aren’t cougars out there. There damn sure are. But to lump all older women into this one category is stereotyping.
For many older women it’s not about sex at all. It’s about many other things. They see younger men as human beings rather than as prey. They are attracted to them for reasons that have nothing to do with sex at all.
Myth #3
Older women who date/have relationships with younger men are unintelligent or imature and can not relate to men their age on the same level.
The truth of the matter is that maturity has not whatsoever to do with age. I’m sure that you know older men (and women for that matter) who act 12 and younger men (and women) who are much more mature than their same age counterparts. There is no correlation between age and maturity. I’ve had just as intense, stimulating conversations with younger men as with older ones. Just because a person is younger (or older) doesn’t necessarily mean you have nothing, or everything, in common.
Bottom line, we’re all individuals with varying degrees of maturity and an even wider variety of interests. Age no more determines those things that hair color does.
Myth #4
Older women who date/have relationships with younger men fear aging and are going through a midlife crisis.
Oh please. Is there a more stereotypical statement out there? I mean seriously. How many of you just pictured an older man driving a red Corvette with a stunning blonde in the passenger seat?
Here’s what happens to women in midlife. They have had a wide range of experiences. Some have had a wide range of relationships. And through those experiences and relationships they have grown. Through that growth they have learned what they want in life. They have learned to love themselves and to pursue what makes them happy. They know that settling for less than that is not an option. Rather than fearing aging, they appreciate what their age and experiences have given them.
Myth #5
Younger men who date older women are only in it for the sex.
Sure. Just as there are cougars out there, there are cougar hunters as well. But again, you can’t lump younger men who are interested in older men into one category.
Believe it or not, there are a lot of younger men interested in more than just sex with older women. They appreciate the older woman’s maturity and experience. (See Myth #1)
These men know that an older woman not only knows what she wants, but is more up front about it than her younger counterpart. She will tell him unequivocally that she is looking for a serious relationship. Assuming she’s feeling that with him, he’ll know from the beginning without having to guess or make assumptions. If she’s not into him, he’ll know that too. There’s very little guesswork involved.
Thoughts?
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NookieNotes December 18th, 2008, 8:23 am
Interesting… The challenge I just finished (linked below) featured a photo of a very young-looking man, which at first made me feel uncomfortable. I ended up attempting to explore my own thoughts on the dynamic of older women and younger men in a way not quite as erotic as I usually do.
I have found that the younger men I have been approached by are NOT in it for the sex, but for longer term than I am often ready to give them, since I tend to prefer older men myself… but that does not blind me to the appeal of the younger man. No, it does not.
NookieNotes´s last blog post..Erotica Challenge 15: Awakening
Infinity December 18th, 2008, 9:02 am
This makes perfect sense. And as someone that loves to date older women, I have never believed in these myths. I have always been about making a connection with whoever I talk to on multiple levels.
I love older women for the very reasons you mentioned such as knowing what they want, being more mature, more aggressive, not being afraid to talk to me about many things, sharing passions and so much more.
I feel more fulfilled when I am interacting with an older woman, just because they have so much to share and I find it shame that not many older woman have already found someone to share those things with.
Infinity´s last blog post..Our Gift to You From Dominate Dating
Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts December 18th, 2008, 11:58 am
I used to avoid younger men. Now that I am “older” I actually find myself more willing to consider dating a younger man for many reasons. Hmmmmm….
Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts´s last blog post..How Do you Co-Parent When There Is A Disagreement?
Honey December 18th, 2008, 1:51 pm
I spent a lot of my “dating” life going for guys older than me, figuring they’d have their lives more together, but have really only ended up going for guys around my same age. I do think what dadshouse says is true…it’s life stage, not age, that matters!
Honey´s last blog post..I Gave My Boyfriend a Yeast Infection!
Kaci December 19th, 2008, 2:01 am
I guess that from a 20 year old’s perspective, we see it as these younger men should be wanting to date us not older women. I don’t believe age is an issue, I agree that age and maturity level have no correlation but when someone wants to date someone your mother’s age and not you, for whatever reasons, we take it personally. That, my friend, is where these rumors, myths, or whatever, come from…
auntiegwen December 19th, 2008, 4:36 am
I would date someone younger than me if I found them interesting and intelligent. No matter how pretty they were if I didn’t find them mentally engaging I wouldn’t go there, beauty fades dumb is forever.
auntiegwen´s last blog post..All I want for Christmas
lisaq December 19th, 2008, 6:18 am
I think, Nookie Notes, that younger men being in it for the sex is the biggest myth out there and it’s just so not true.
Thanks for sharing that Infinity! It’s nice to hear your perspective.
Time has a way of changing our perspectives Tee.
Yep, Honey there’s a lot of truth in that.
Haha Kaci, I was hoping one of you would jump in!
Here’s the thing, as I’ve said before, the guys that are interested in dating older women aren’t guys who would date girls your age. It’s about preference more than anything else. Would you take it personally if a guy preferred to date red heads over blondes or tall girls over short girls? It really boils down to the same thing.
Yep Gwen. You hit the nail on the head there. It’s all about the connection.
Barb January 3rd, 2009, 5:34 pm
I am currently dating a younger man by 10 1/2 years. I am 42. We have many common interests and have always had an attraction to each other. I enjoy the way he allows me to not be so serious all of the time. What is hard for me now that we are about 7 months into our relationship is where it can go. One…he still lives at home and although he has been able to a lot of travleing which has given him life experiences it is much different. I appreciate where he is in his life and of course he does have plans of moving out. At the same time I don’t know that I can wait for him. I know that I love him…he makes me feel amazing and he feels the same about me. Do you just follow your heart and how you feel, or do you put your head into all of this and do what you think is right and should do?
chinacat May 8th, 2009, 8:41 pm
I am happy to have found this website…it made me feel better. I am a 41 yr old woman who just started seeing a 26 yr old man from my gym. I do not look my age & when I tell people how old I am they can’t believe it. I have been into bodybuilding for 15 yrs & am all feminine looking. The guy I am seeing, I met while working out at the gym & we just had great conversation. I found out through another man that this young man was interested in me & wanted to know if I was single. At that time, I also found out this young man is a cop in the sheriff’s dept. When he found out I was single, we talked more. I have 2 children, 8yrs & 19 yrs. The 8yr old lives with me. We attempted to arrange a date last weekend but I had no one to watch my son. So we got together during the week on a day off from work & we went to the beach & then to the gym together. I enjoyed the entire day with him, we talked the whole time & just had a fun time. We also talk on the phone every evening.
Now, I have always been a woman who said I would never date a young guy or date a cop! And here I am years later eating my words! lol…There is one problem in this whole relationship that will scare me if it keeps going & gets stronger, & that is the fact that in my past I was buck wild & got into trouble with the law. I have a criminal background for possesion of drugs. That was years ago & I am a good person, I just made some bad choices in my past that I have & still do pay dearly for…I am no longer like that. This young man had got me an application for dispatcher position at sheriff’s dept because I was looking for another job in this horrible economy. At the time he gave it to me, I was not going to let it all out that I have a criminal background. But now I feel I will have to be honest with him about it in the days to come…the sheriff’s dept. will not hire me because of that! If I fill out the app. & hand it in, I feel the sheriff’s dept. will give him a hard time because he had put his name & badge number for a reference on it & he will end the relationship because of that. I would never do that to him! So now I am faced with being forward about my past with him if our relationship grows stronger. I feel that maybe he won’t want to continue it after I tell him.
Other than that, we are bonding so well….You wouldn’t even be able to tell that I am 15yrs older than him. He is such a nice person & I have really taken a liking to him. He is more mature than men I know who are older than me! So to me age makes no difference!
Why is it that society looks at an older man & a 20 yr old woman together as ok, but frowns upon us older women when we are with younger men? It makes no sense! What it comes down to is personal preference! Plus people should just mind their own goddamn business…That is what is & always has been wrong with this world….