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Weekly Roundup-Making The First Move
Thanks so much for your responses to our first weekly roundup! We received several great and varied answers to our first topic which was:
What is your opinion on making the first move? Is is ok for her initiate first contact, such as asking for his number, or should it be left to him? How about asking for the first date? Furthermore, is it ok for the female to initiate the first sexual contact? Why or why not? Guys, is it a turn on when she makes the first move? Ladies, do you enjoy making the first move, or would you rather he do it?
Bobby says:
Yes, I have always believed that it is ok for a lady to make the first move (date, number, sexual contact etc).
There are many reasons, although I believe the main one to be, as it pertains to the first contact, “the nice/good guy” situation. As we all know, a nice guy many times is also quite shy. He may be the ultimate perfect partner for a certain lady, but may be too shy to say anything to her initially. This being the case, what are we left with? A great, or maybe as great as can be, relationship that never was!
I know that there are those that believe in what are called, “Old fashion customs” and the like, but doesn’t gaining a great relationship trump this idea? I have nothing against these customs if men and woman choose to follow them, I just think the relationship is the more important between the two ideas.
I also believe that men these days, as well as woman, are more open minded. Personally, I haven’t come across a situation where a guy ever said, “Yeah, she approached me, but I’ll never call her because she made first contact.” I think this point is even stronger when it comes to a woman making first contact sexually, or the first move.
It’s hard enough to find a great relationship these days for so many, why drop the percentage even lower by having a “One sex only” contact rule?
Honey says:
I think it’s fine for women to make the first move as long as they are subtle about it…as I’ve shared before, I e-mailed the BF first but it was a one-liner of an e-mail, and while I led him to ask me out, he did the actual asking. At the end of our date when he was dropping me off at my place, I asked him to come inside…this is one place where I think the woman almost has to make the first move. It can give an awful vibe for the guy to say something like that or to just go in for the kiss (although I admit this can be hot if done right and if there is obvioius sexual tension implying that such an advance would be welcome). But once we were inside I let him take the lead once again…though in later discussions with him if I hadn’t asked him in he certainly wouldn’t have asked if he could, we never would have had sex, and we probably wouldn’t be dating now (since he was moving within a week of our first date, if we hadn’t had sex there almost certainly wouldn’t have been enough momentum to carry us through 3 months of living in different cities). So I guess ultimately, I’m going to have to vote for a back-and-forth of who’s making varioius first moves, and IMO that’s how it should be. After all, no one–man OR woman–wants to date a doormat, and making a first move of any kind is the best way to show that you’re no doormat!!
BradK says:
Nope. She should have a friend introduce them. Or he should. If he or she initiates the contact, they create he question about whether they have no friends who could make the intro – and act as assurance that he/she is respected.
Should she make the first move toward sex? Nope. Neither should he. After a public mating or marriage ceremony, ritual should carry both forward into consummating the union.
If you can’t tell whether your partner is getting aroused during social and less public contact, without engaging in sex, you need more guidance and instruction that advice about whether to make the first move. Ability to arouse your mate-prospect during courting should be sufficient, with a good read on their character and interactions with family, children, and animals, to predict a reasonable sexual relationship.
If both are reasonably honest,respectful, and engaged with one another, the sex should be OK at least, and get better with practice. It is seldom the sex that ends relationships.
SINgleGIRL says:
It is more than “ok” for a woman to make the first move.. Heck, I once called information to get my doctor’s home number, called him and asked him out (Long, long time ago, I was young and stupid. I saw him for an urgent/temporary issue and was never going to see him professionally again – for the record). We dated for months.
I don’t believe in waiting for good things to come to me. If I want something I’m willing to go after it, work for it. Why should dating be any different?
Jaime says:
For me, I don’t like to make the first move. Not an obvious one, anyway. I’ll be subtle and coy, but rarely ever will I make the first move. I think it’s sexy when a man takes charge from day one. It lets you know that he’s somewhat confident (or very cocky
) and he knows what he wants. If he just wants sex, you’ll find that out. If he wants more, you’ll find that out too. I never just want sex, so once I find out a man’s motives I know whether or not to keep him around.
I’m a traditional kind of girl. Not just because I was raised that way (which I was), but because I like the way it feels when a man takes care of me. It makes me want to reciprocate. On occasion I will initiate first sexual contact, but it’s VERY rare. It’s a turn on to me when a man makes the first move.
I’m not sure if I’m one to judge how it ’should’ be. If a woman wants to make the first move, I applaud it. It’s just not my style.
And here’s our two cents:
Lisaq says:
I think it’s absolutely okay. After all, we’re living in the 21st century. Long gone are the days of courting and chaperones. Men no longer have to ask daddy for our hand in marriage. We’ve come a long way baby!
That being said, as okay as I think it is, I royally suck at it. Once, I suggested meeting a guy I was talking to on MySpace. He ended up canceling on me a couple of times due to the weather and then sort of left me hanging with a vague next time I’m in town, yada yada. So much for me entering the big, bad world of asking someone out. Maybe one day. Obviously, it’s something I recognize I need to work on.
As for initiating sex, again I definitely believe it’s okay for the woman to initiate though normally I prefer my partner make the first move, there are times when a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do! Much easier for me in a well established LTR than in a new relationship or in a casual situation.
kira says:
Lisaq is right. We are in the 21st century and we should act like it! We are all about equal rights for men and women right? Ladies if we want to be equal to men then we need to step up to the plate and claim our place!
I have always thought it ok for the woman to make the first move, whether it be for a date or for sex. That’s not to say that I have always done so myself. It hasn’t been until recently that I figured out that I don’t really have anything to lose by initiating conversation or asking for his number or for a date. If you get turned down, shrug it off and move on. It simply means it wasn’t meant to be and better luck next time.
I also think it is more than perfectly ok for the woman to initiate sex. If you want it, go for it. The worst he can say is no and you simply find someone more worthy of your time. His loss.
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Jaime November 3rd, 2008, 7:12 pm
Yay for all the feedback!!!
lisaq November 4th, 2008, 7:26 am
Haha…Jamie. Yay is right! So glad you all participated! Be sure to jump in on this week’s topic as well!