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I Need a Dating Time Out!
I’ve realized in the last few days that it’s time for me to take a dating time out. Though I haven’t gone on tons of dates, very few in fact, it’s the process that has become wearing. Combined with other things going on in my life right now, it has just become too much.
Over the weekend I experienced the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. While the sex toy party was incredibly fun, things afterwards got a little out of hand. And by things, I mean me. The only good thing was that I managed to get a hold of myself and put a stop to it before it completely spun out of control.
Even so, Saturday, not only was I completely exhausted but I spent a good part of the day playing a little game of beat myself up. It wasn’t so much a pity party as it was an OMG how could I kind of party. Though neither are fun, I believe I’d take a pity party any day.
I felt like I had taken about a million steps back in time. Like everything I’ve worked for and gone through had been thrown away. It was a rough day to say the least.
Sunday, a little more rested, I was also a little more objective. Though I had let myself do a little back stepping, I also put a stop to the madness. That is something I would have never been able to in my past. So, for that, I am grateful.
I was also able to put things in perspective a little and to realize where all of the BS I was feeling was coming from. Though I could pin point the sources, there were two, I could not wrap my brain around how to deal with them. So, I did what we should do in such situations. I consulted an expert…NML.
As I told her, I’m completely weary of dating. From my email:
Since I found out TBID was moving out of state and lost that relationship, I just don’t have the desire to keep going. It wasn’t even the loss of him that was hard. The truth is that the connection wasn’t strong enough to really feel the loss. More devastating was the feeling of starting all over in the search.
Since then, I’ve met a couple of guys and both were so disappointing that I feel like just saying the hell with the whole thing. I’m sick to death of the process. Other than TDIB, I haven’t met a man in years, literally, that didn’t disappoint the hell out of me.
And yet, I’m weary of being alone. I’m tired of going to events and family functions…hell even eating dinner…alone. I feel as if I’ve lost all of my optimism and my sense of direction and I have no idea how to get it back. It’s very possibly what scares me more than anything else. I worked really hard to get that and, if I lose it, I have nothing.
And there you have it, Lisaq’s dating burn out. Of course, NML knew just what to say. Among other things, she said this:
I think you need to slow your roll a little and remember that emotionally and mentally you’ve gone through a hell of a lot and that life is just getting itself on track. Going to events and family things are a pain in the ass but the first thing you have to ask is what is the alternative? If you don’t go to events and stuff, how will you meet people? If there are other ways, look at other ways. Also, how important is it for you to meet someone right now? Could it wait 3 or 6 months whilst you just kick back and chill?
The truth? Damn straight it can wait. Though I admit the recent birthday did come with a little unwrapped gift all its own in the form of feeling a little pressure, it comes with the territory of aging. And, it beats the hell out of the alternative.
So, for awhile, I’ll just be here chillin’…slowing my roll and regaining my perspective, my joy, and my optimism. A small price to pay for a gift so great.
Thoughts?
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auntiegwen October 28th, 2008, 7:10 am
I try and remember that I see the grass as being greener on the other side but it still needs mowing. There are lots of pluses and minuses about being single but also about being coupled up.
Your objectivity and optimism will return, I know it will. I had a bad day yesterday myself, but today is feeling more like normal.
I hope your day gets better too, remember I’m always here if you want to offload, as always, sending you the love
auntiegwen´s last blog post..Well, that was the quickest week of the year !
Brad K. October 28th, 2008, 10:40 am
LisaQ, Sorry.
Blessed be.
Honey October 28th, 2008, 6:28 pm
There are pros and cons to each…and I think that if it is causing more stress at this time to try and date, a break is definitely warranted.
Sorry, Lisaq!
Honey´s last blog post..He Ripped My Clothes Off!
SINgleGIRL October 28th, 2008, 10:50 pm
I’ve been where you are now and come to the same conclusion. Sometimes it can be really healthy to just stop dating and spend some time alone (well, not ALONE – god bless friends). If you are feeling pressure and stressed about dating then a break sounds like the right thing. Good luck with it. Enjoy your time off!
SINgleGIRL´s last blog post..Date Machine
lisaq October 29th, 2008, 6:13 am
Awww Gwen. You are fabulous! Thanks girl!
Thank you BradK!
No need to be sorry Honey. I actually feel like a huge load has been lifted. The pressure is gone. That’s a good thing!
You got it SINgleGIRL. It definitely is the right thing right now. Thanks girl!
bobby October 29th, 2008, 12:12 pm
Well, first off Lisa I must commend you for putting this out there for others to read, understand, identify with etc.
The advice that NML and a few others here gave were excellent. I can tell by your ending thoughts that you have a good hold on the situation and will indeed be just fine! Remember, we all have our ups and downs with many different situations in our life journey, but recognizing them and dealing with them, as you are doing here, is really the answer to any of these problems.
I take my hat off to you Lisa and thank you for sharing with us. I’m actually inspired by your words
bobby´s last blog post..Cohabitation, is it right for you?
lisaq October 30th, 2008, 6:27 am
Thanks Bobby! I really appreciate your comments. I am in a good place with this and completely feel like this is right thing for me right now.