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Girls, Pull Your Heads Out! I Am NOT Your Problem!
A couple of years ago, I added a new ‘friend’ on MySpace. If memory serves, his status said single though he was in fact separated. We chatted back and forth for awhile quickly establishing that friendship was really all that was on the table. He was obviously going through some crap and really just wanted someone to talk to. After a month or two, he quit writing. I haven’t heard from him since.
About a year ago, I got a message telling me to back off and not to leave him anymore comments…apparently from his wife. I hadn’t commented on his page in over a year so I just blew it off. Yesterday, I got this:
don’t message my husband anymore you old ass twat!
WTF??? First of all, I am NOT an old ass twat! Secondly, get the hell over yourself. If you had a damn brain in your head, you would notice the last message in his damn inbox, if it’s still there, is over two years old. He is no longer even on my friends list…probably because you deleted me.
The Problem
The problem here kids is not me. In fact, it’s very likely that it has nothing to do with anyone else at all. The problem here is within the relationship itself.
Isn’t it interesting though that women strike out at other women when there are problems with their men? It seems it’s easier to place blame on another woman than to look at the relationship and work on it. It happens when women are insecure in their relationships and live in fear that their men will leave them.
Maybe he’s cheated and maybe he hasn’t but, for whatever reason, she thinks that other women are trying to steal him away. There is no trust and, very likely, the relationship has been on and off for an extended period of time.
What needs to happen here is that both parties need to take a good honest look at the relationship and either get serious about working things out or make the decision to walk away. Striking out at innocent women who have absolutely nothing to do with the situation only makes things worse. The relationship cannot grow and flourish under these circumstances. Whether he’s cheated or whether she’s crazy, the situation isn’t healthy for either one of them. It’s time to bust a move.
Thoughts?
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Brad K. October 26th, 2008, 9:47 am
LisaQ, what a horrible thing to say about you.
The most generous thought I had was that the wife is pursuing an inept and poorly thought out strategy for solving relationship problems – remove the distractions and hope the problem goes away.
Knocking down the tall pole in the tent – why there is a lack of respect, trust, and admiration between the two of them would be a much more effective way to start.
On the other hand, if he was going through crap two years ago, and she is still irrational, I have to wonder about his lack of intelligence, self esteem, and basic sense of survival has been mislaid. He should have run during that first separation, and been halfway to healing by now.
And I think you need to contact her ISP (email address) and MySpace about her threats and abuse.
Meghan October 26th, 2008, 9:56 am
OH MY GAWD, Lisa!!!!
Fuck her!
Ahem….as I was saying, yeah – Fuck her! She’s projecting her anger not even at the task at hand, but a social webpage from a year ago. She’s out of her damn mind and clawing around like a cat in a bag.
Meghan October 26th, 2008, 10:00 am
Weird…I just commented and it dis-a-peered!
Basically my comment was…FUCK HER!
She’s clawing around like a cat in a burlap sack about a social web page from a year ago. She’s lost her grip if she gets any satisfaction out of calling YOU names…she’s trying to piss circles around a man she clearly isnt able to contain in her own back yard.
She’s batshit…be glad she’s not local.
lisaq October 26th, 2008, 10:07 am
Thanks BradK. I think I have a bruise on my chin from when it hit the floor! I think you make many good points. I hadn’t even thought about contacting her ISP and MySpace but I will definitely give that some thought.
Sorry Meghan. For some weird reason your first comment went to spam, but it’s back now!
You’re right on target I think. These were pretty much my first thought…well, right after “WTF? How dare the bitch!”
bobby October 26th, 2008, 10:31 am
I never understood why woman have gotten in attack mode to the other woman, when in fact it is he that needs some attention. Even when the other woman is imagined, as is the case here. Men do this as well-just as confusing.
Side note:
I posted something on my blog recently about the “Status” on some profiles and what, “It’s complicated” means. Sometimes, “Separated” or other statuses aren’t available.
bobby´s last blog post..Cohabitation, is it right for you?
Susan October 26th, 2008, 11:22 am
That whole situation sucks, I just went through that myself a month ago. When my husband cheated on me, I didn’t blame the other woman involved, I blammed his ass. I know tons of women out there that blame the other woman, and they really need a good slap upside the head. I like the comment Brad made about checking her ISP and myspace thing, I never would have thought about that. Good to know if I’m ever in that position again.
CurvyGurl October 26th, 2008, 2:51 pm
You’re right, Lisa. Some women think it’s easier to blame the suspected other women for the man’s trangressions. I despise that passive-agressive nonsense. Talk about a waste of time and a free pass for the guy to repeat. Great post!
CurvyGurl´s last blog post..‘Til Death (Or An Argument) Do We Part
lisaq October 27th, 2008, 5:13 am
Me either Bobby. I think it’s easier to blame the other person rather than admit there is so much trouble in Paradise.
Haha Susan! A good slap upside the head is exactly what they need!
Definitely a waste of time CurvyGirl. And thank you!
craze October 28th, 2008, 2:04 pm
I had that same thing happen to me not too long ago. I’ve also had the new wife of a friend call me and ask why number is in his phone book. Uh.. why don’t you ask him? That is the sure sign of an insecure woman. I’d ignore her for now and if it happens one more time do what Brad said.
craze´s last blog post..Yes, Pedro there is a Santa Claus
saneandsingle October 28th, 2008, 6:11 pm
I’ve had this happen to me on myspace also! Usually, I would say something to the man. He would claim it was an ex or some obsessed girl. I just dropped both of them! Too much drama! Someone was lying, and they needed to work that out themselves!
saneandsingle´s last blog post..What’s your dating persona?
Honey October 28th, 2008, 6:26 pm
It is hard to blame the person you love and trust, but I agree, that is just what this woman needed (needs?) to do. Her husband betrayed her trust, not you!
Honey´s last blog post..He Ripped My Clothes Off!
lisaq October 29th, 2008, 6:14 am
It’s creepy isn’t it Sane and Single? Drama is definitely something I can live without!
Exactly Honey. Girlfriend needs to look closer to home.
Jaime October 30th, 2008, 8:25 am
“The problem here is within the relationship itself.”
You’re 100% right, but unfortunately the chances of getting someone to see that instead of blaming someone else are slim to none.
Jaime´s last blog post..You’re my boy, Blue! You’re my boy!
lisaq October 31st, 2008, 5:48 am
Yep Jaime. That’s where the problem. Sadly, you’re also right about getting someone to see that.