Control Your Kids!
We see it everyday. There are always children running wild through the lobby of the doctor’s office or throwing their food and screaming in a restaurant or throwing an all out tantrum on the floor of the grocery store. I don’t know about you but when I see something like this occurring, I want to walk up to the parent and slap them across the face.
All too often bad behavior in children is chalked up to “boys will be boys” or “the terrible twos” when really the finger should be pointed at the parents. Medical behavioral issues aside, children are disobedient and act out because their parents allow them to. Letting children have what they want is much easier then telling them no and having to listen to them whine. Too bad parents are royally screwing up their children by doing this.
Disobedience Knows No Age
I taught dance for a while and I had a four year old in the class who was one of the most wildly misbehaved children I have ever seen. She was throwing tap shoes one day and laughed when I told her to stop. I wasn’t going to let her keep the other girls from learning so I picked her up and proceeded to carry her to the lobby for “time out.” Halfway down the hallway, she pissed on me and then laughed the most evil laugh I have ever heard come out of someone so small.
When I told her mother about it later she shrugged and said “I guess you should have let her play with the tap shoes.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How sad is it that this mother lets her four year old control her? Unfortunately we can’t blame the four year old, she isn’t going to know any better unless her parents teach her.
Now I am in college and, while I am a bit older than most of the students in my classes, I am not so much older that our maturity levels should differ as much as they do. In my English Lit class, there are a couple of guys in the back of the room that just can’t keep their mouths shut. They consistently make rude and obnoxious comments that have nothing to do with the class discussion and are usually meant to poke fun at someone in the room.
There aren’t many days where they don’t have some sort of food to munch on; food that is usually in a crinkly bag that makes a lot of noise and disrupts everyone. To top it off they smack their food and speak out of turn while their mouths are full, spraying the backs of the people in front of them. They see their behavior as humorous.
I get really frustrated with people such as the guys in my class but then I try to remind myself that they were brought up to think their behavior is ok and now, even as “adults,” they may not know any better. Children of all ages act out and all too often the parents stand by and let it happen.
Social Skills
What ever happened to socializing children? When I was younger I knew every kid in the neighborhood. We went to the park, made mud pies, rode bikes, etc. Rarely did we spend time in front of the tv (there weren’t really video games and definitely weren’t computers at this point). However, it seems like today more and more children are parked in front an XBox or a Playstation and spend less time outside interacting with other children. Parents use electronics and technology as babysitters. What is so wrong with gathering your children and a few friends and taking them to play soccer in the park? They get exercise, social interaction, and a good time.
Here are some benefits of socializing your child and allowing them to make friendships with other children rather than with their video games:
- Social communication and cooperation. Such skills build a foundation for children to use throughout their lives.
- Psychological and emotional support. Interacting with others helps us to form bonds that we rely on in times of stress and emotional difficulty.
- Building block for future relationships. Social interaction early on can provide a foundation for how we act in our future relationships with friends, family, and lovers.
- Conflict resolution. Interacting with others at an early age helps us to develop vital conflict resolution and negotiation skills.
Other Factors
Besides it being just plain easier to give kids what they want so they will shut up, parents also feed into disobedient behaviors by what they feed their children. Soda and sugary drinks, especially those with caffeine, are NOT ok for children to have on a regular basis. Physical results of giving children soda include: tooth decay, obesity, and weaker bones. In addition, caffeine is an addictive stimulant that can cause children to have sleep problems, have headaches, and be irritable and nervous.
I have worked in a restaurant for almost ten years and one of the biggest things I have noticed is that parents no longer seem to think that teaching their children manners is a big deal. Children rarely say please and thank you and say “I want” rather than “May I have?” They chew with their mouths open, smack their food (I am a firm believer that eating does not have to require sound, aside from the natural crunch of the food) slouch in their seats, and make huge messes. Sleeves are taking the place of napkins, heads are laid on the table, and utensils are used as sparring weapons against their siblings, all while the parents look on.
Another huge factor is sleep. Kids do not need to be up at all hours of the night and should be on a consistent bedtime schedule. Children need an adequate amount of sleep to help them to remember what they’ve learned, to pay attention and concentrate, to solve problems and think of new ideas, and to stay healthy and fight sickness. Lack of sleep can cause children to become hyper and disagreeable. For children that have already been diagnosed with ADHD, lack of sleep can worsen the problem.
The Brutal Truth
The truth of the matter is that parents need to wake up and actually *parent* their children. As a parent, if you are too tired or too busy or too whatever to ensure your kid gets proper socialization, nutrition, etc., THEN YOU SHOULDN’T BE A PARENT. The attitudes and behaviors that children and adults exhibit are in direct correlation to the way they were brought up. It is beyond me how someone can claim to love their children if they aren’t doing absolutely everything possible to ensure they are healthy both physically, mentally, and behaviorally.
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About This Post
My, you’ve really made some very vaild points here and I so agree with you on every level.
Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts´s last blog post..I Start Tomorrow
40, 50 years ago much of the nation’s population was rural, or influenced by recently-rural people, and returned military after the wars. Discipline as a social convention grew from a necessity of surviving among armed peoples, from medieval times to present. “An armed society is a polite society.” Parents taught their kids how not to annoy, to keep them safe from those that were trigger happy or otherwise brutal.
Modern agriculture industrialized farming. The old book “Ten Acres Enough” claims that no man need farm more ground than he can adequately manure - except modern machinery and modern chemicals and modern seed corporations and modern banking and the social styles of the ‘elite’ with their cocktails and high fashion now favor farms of thousands of acres. Our society has become not just urban, but much slanted to ’sophisticated’ - and few adults, even as parents, have learned the need for safety let alone discipline.
One for-instance. Your kid wanders into the street, you see a car coming, and yell to the street. What are the chances that *your* kid will react immediately, without thinking, because you called? Discipline. Obedience. Safety. Your kid disappears around the aisle in a store, around a tree in a park or around a car in a parking lot. What are the chances they will ignore a call to bring them back? A kid old enough to walk unassisted knows enough to learn to come when called.
Parents that fail to teach their kids social skills, discipline, and good character traits by the age of 3 1/2 or 4, abuse their kids through neglect - usually because of ignorance.
Kira, check out a book called “Tools for Teaching”. I look at a tantrum in the grocery store. If the parent is screaming at the kid to shut up then you have two ignorant kids taunting each other. If the parent talks quietly so the kid has to get quiet to hear - if the parent is causing the tantrum to wind down - that is worth a cheer. Kids will act out as they learn, rebel, test the boundaries. Parents that get past the burbles, that refuse to ‘reward’ the drama, are teaching their kids - this is a kid that won’t be a terror for teachers the rest of their lives. This is a parent to encourage.
I am afraid that you are several generations past the point of rebuking parents about what they haven’t taught their kids - they are ignorant, mostly their parents were ignorant and still are.
The two incidents you mentioned - the disruptive four year old - you didn’t mention calling the parent to pick the kid up, or throwing the kid out of class, didn’t mention how the behavior was turned around. This borders on enabling the behavior to continue.
When couples form because they had (mostly) fun dating, they usually don’t plan to be parents. Pregnancy ‘just happens’ and they become parents without thinking past the miracle and trauma of birth. They may dream of little league and tea parties, but seldom about keeping the kid safe, disciplined, for later life - and let the opportunities escape, unnoticed, while the kid is young enough to form good character traits. That is, if the parents show good character traits around the home - such as discipline (the will to complete a task), honor, respect. I observe that too few families treat each other with respect and courtesy - how are the kids to learn to be polite outside the family?
Today there are mommy blogs that most women aren’t aware exist, or have access to them. And many of us no longer have regular community events to compare notes on child raising and family development. We are so unused to having someone to talk to about kids, as a community, that we all too often flounder on our own, or use incomplete, contradictory, or bad advice.
You mentioned seeing the kids run wild. On several occasions I was able to watch a yard ape (3-4 years) running across restaurant seats or climbing a store ladder, make eye contact from 20-30 feet away, and by watching, they calmed, returned to their parent. The girl in Lowes watched until I turned at the end of the aisle - when I walked back around to look at her again she was watching, on her way back to the ladder - and when she saw me went back to Mom and Grandpa for good. I checked. It can really be that easy. What bothers me is that in both cases, the kid responded immediately - but their parent never noticed the bad behavior *or* the fact that the kid interacted with a strange man. From 20, 30 feet away.
Brad K.´s last blog post..DB: Morality of Influence
Thank you very much, Tee
BradK, I will most definitely check out the book you mentioned and, in fact, am excited to do so. Your point makes a lot of sense. The reaction of the parent is what makes the difference. I realize that kids naturally throw tantrums and such, I just believe that many parents nowadays enable the tantrums to continue because they don’t handle them appropriately.
Let me clarify about the incident with the four year old. I did mention throwing her out of class. I was on my way to the lobby with her when she peed on me. What I failed to mention is that once we got to the lobby, I had the receptionist call the girl’s mother to come pick her up. Grace, the ironically named four year old, was left in the lobby under the supervision of the receptionist and was forbidden to watch television or play with the toys while waiting for her mother.
I like your point about how pregnancy “just happens.” Too often unplanned pregnancies catch parents unaware and unprepared. At the same time, I believe values of parenting and interaction with children should be taught throughout life. I am not yet a parent myself but believe that if I were to find myself in a situation where pregnancy “just happens,” I could handle it very well because I learned a lot from my mother’s parenting style. She has her flaws, as everyone does, but she is an amazing parent and I am very proud that she gets to pass her skills on to my sister and I. (It is worth mentioning that many of my points were based on how I was brought up; without caffeine and sugar, without electronics, without many toys, and with plenty social interaction.)
I really enjoyed the Lowes experience that you shared. It is amazing how receptive children really are. If that girl can calm due to a stranger simply focusing on her, imagine what could happen if her parents did the same on a regular basis. Your last statement, “their parent never noticed the bad behavior *or* the fact that the kid interacted with a strange man. From 20, 30 feet away,” is exactly the point that I was attempting to make. Parent’s NEED to be aware of their children’s behavior and all too often aren’t, therefore doing their kids a grave injustice.
[...] lamented today about “Control your kids” on 20-forty.com, about parents that fail to discipline their kids. Kids run amuck, [...]
I’m so with you on this post. I’m a teacher, and sometimes I just want to slap parents during a parent-teacher conference!! Here are some reactions I’ve gotten from parents:
“I can’t get him/her off the computer.” (Duh, take the crap out of the house!)
“He/she locks me out of his room and won’t let me in.” (Take the damn door off the hinges!)
“I’ve done all I can. See what you can do with him/her! (Are you serious??? I didn’t birth your child! Why don’t you become a parent?)
“All she cares about is chatting/texting/talking on the phone and/or computer. She always says she has no homework.” (Again, take all that crap away. And hey, why don’t you contact the teachers, instead of waiting for us to call you? You only have 1-4 children….I teach 90 a day!)
Okay, I’m done ranting. I can’t stand a spoiled child and seeing the parents blame it on everything and everyone else around them!
saneandsingle´s last blog post..Feenin’
Amen sane and single! I hear the same crap! What the hell do they expect US to do with them!
Kira, Speaking of kids - Brian Williams mentions a video on his Daily Nightly blog.
The blog
http://dailynightly.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/10/27/1598881.aspx
The video
http://release.theplatform.com/content.select?pid=x7aVOMrlfkkijQwcLllwk6WjB5JE0zrF
The video compares China’s population of English speakers - larger than in the US. India with more Honors students than the US has students. During the 4:37 video clip, 67 babies are born in the US, 300 in China, 400 in India.
As I recall, populations that grow either expand their territory - or catastrophically implode. Overpopulation often leads to poverty, starvation - and war. Note Pakistan and India building nuclear weapons, China has been selling them around the world for decades. We are entering volatile times - national security and child discipline may well determine whether we survive as a nation - or become the next Taiwan (outlier Chinese territory).
Brad K.´s last blog post..Loose Lips Sink Ships