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Are Different Political Views a Deal Breaker?
While we didn’t get any reader questions in last week, we did come across this one over at the Plenty of Fish forums and thought it worthy of our, and your, consideration.
If you believe those websites that gauge your political disposition then I am a moderate conservative. So my question is; if someone has different political views than you is it a deal killer?
Personally I do not talk about politics with friends and family because it is just too divisive, but I do like to hear and try to understand the other side of the political spectrum. When I do talk about politics with people I do it from a stance of trying to learn rather than setting people straight. I am not going to change anyone’s mind so it’s pointless to try. Learning is much more interesting to me.
As a Republican I have no problem dating a person that is a Democrat or Independent. Am I alone in this or do you ladies feel the same way?
Lisaq says:
I know that people with differing political views can maintain successful relationships. Just look at James Carville and Mary Matalin. Both are heavily involved in politics. In fact, it is their livelihood proving it can be done.
There are, however, many other factors to consider. I consider myself liberal though not extreme. I am a registered Democrat planning to vote that way in the upcoming election. I don’t have a problem with Republicans in general; only ones who find it necessary to jam their views down my throat or who continually forward nasty ‘jokes’ to me putting down or even downright slamming Democratic candidates. I find it distasteful and closed minded and I can’t see myself ever dating someone who engages in such behavior.
I also whole heartedly disagree with so-called Christian right wing extremists who oppose abortion, homosexuality, and such things. In my opinion, these are moral values and as such I can’t see myself having a civil conversation with someone with these views let alone a relationship. By the way, do you having any idea how much of Mapdot I just described?
All of that being said, someone who is moderately Republican but open minded enough to engage in healthy discussions and consider other points of views would be someone with whom I might find conversation stimulating. Just last night, in fact, I had a phone conversation with someone I am going out with tonight (first date…I’ll keep you posted), and we talked briefly about the upcoming election.
Though Republican, we had a nice discussion about Colin Powell’s endorsement of Obama and who we thought would come out the winner. Though a Republican, he believes Obama will win the election and said that he really only opposes him on one point. I told him why I am an Obama supporter and, overall, it was a pleasant, stimulating conversation. We’ll have to see where it goes, but I enjoyed having a conversation with someone about politics who was informed, willing to consider both sides and not all about converting me.
That kind of Republican I think I could date.
kira says:
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in this case (as in many others). I am registered Democrat and consider myself to be moderately liberal. I have done my research on both candidates and their running mates and have made the personal choice to vote along my party lines. That does not, however, mean that I am not open minded enough to see a Republican point of view.
When it comes to relationship, I don’t believe how someone is registered is a big deal. Let’s face it, living where I do, if I swore off Republicans I would never get a date! I think the issue lies within the personality of the individual because, while they don’t have to agree with my political views, I think it is important that they respect them. Having an open mind (in many areas up to and beyond politics) is key in any relationship.
Let’s take my boss for example. He is registered Republican and has very conservative views. What puts me off is not that he is a Republican, but that he constantly bashes the Democratic party and attempts to start political arguments with myself and my coworkers. He is not receptive to anything a Democrat has to say. I could never be in a relationship with someone like that. *I might add that I think it is highly unprofessional to discuss politics at work and I do my best to circumvent the discussions.
Whether you are Republican, Democrat, Independent, or whatever, you are entitled to your values, beliefs, and opinions. You are entitled to those same things in a relationship. As long as your partner respects those things (and you reciprocate), there is no reason why someone on the extreme left and someone on the extreme right can’t meet in the middle.
Ryan Hampl October 21st, 2008, 9:59 am
I think it is vitally important to be able to have political discourse with your dating partner. Not so much that the party is important, but it gives you a good insight into that persons world view. Which either needs to match yours, or be accommodating.
Ryan
Brad K. October 21st, 2008, 9:59 am
Politicians search for the ‘faith’ type issues, the ones that people believe - that hold and opinion they will *not* discuss, only explain how anything contrary is wrong.
Once a politician energizes a core of supporters around a few of such topics - from defending against communism to abortion, gun control to gay marriage - the energy tends to be self-sustaining. And the politician can then strive to pick up other supporters, knowing she/he has ‘poisoned’ their opponent for that group. The core group will tend to grow, as they gather people that know members of the core group and join in, just because they respect someone in that group.
Holding contrary ‘faith’ type views are usually deal-breakers.
People with a considered opinion, that understand the issue, and choose to hold a viewpoint unless they are shown a better way, won’t be a problem in a relationship unless their partner holds a contrary ‘faith’ position on that issue. Or if their partner holds a ‘faith’ position that agrees with them - but then they change their minds.
The issue is respect. When you choose a viewpoint after consideration, and you consider your view to be right for you, you can respect others that have access to different information, different experience - and disagree.
When what you know is right conflicts with someone, you know for dead certain sure they are wrong, and stupid or demon-ridden. There can be no respect for someone too stupid to understand what is right, or driven by demons or the devil and all that is evil. And there can *not* be a healthy relationship where there is disrespect over issues important to either partner.
Does differing political views pose a risk to a relationship? Well, I *know*, for dead-certain sure.
It depends.
Brad K.´s last blog post..DB: Why the US sucks at math ed.
Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts October 21st, 2008, 11:49 am
I could not agree more with you ladies!!!
Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts´s last blog post..I Have An Addiction And I Need Help
Honey October 21st, 2008, 2:13 pm
I think it’s easy to say that as long as there is respect, there can be compromise, and there are certainly many couples out there for whom that is a workable ideal. However, I think that people at least have to be fairly close on the spectrum in order to make that work. The BF and I are both liberal; however, we disagree on many things. If one of us was liberal and one conservative, but both moderate, that might work too. But as it is we disagree on so much when we identify ourselves in the same way that I can’t imagine a LTR being workable if we weren’t pretty similar.
It’s the same about being vegetarian. When I was dating I never made that a criteria because then, as Kira notes, I wouldn’t have dated much! However, now that I have been with someone for 2.5 years that is also veggie, I know that even if he and I broke up I could never live someone who didn’t also have that lifestyle. It’s just too hard to compromise on some things.
Honey´s last blog post..Falling Asleep While Having Sex?
Will October 22nd, 2008, 1:16 am
I don’t think Politcal Party Affiliation would matter
in a relationship. I’ve had some wonderful times with
Republican Women–(”Golly-gosh!!”) Believe me, when I say,
they are just as happy when they disagree, as they are when they are agreeable.
(I imagine having a sense of humor helps.)
lisaq October 22nd, 2008, 5:18 am
I agree Ryan. Having that conversation tells you a lot. So glad you stopped by and left a comment!
Nicely put BradK.
Thanks Tee!
Very good points Honey. I think respect is the bottom line.
Haha Will. A sense of humor definitely helps!
Catherine Behan November 10th, 2008, 11:15 am
Actually, I recently had the most interesting experience with my husband involving a political debate. He and I are on the opposite sides of the gay marriage debate.
He says Nay and I say Yea. Our debate got heated and it was quite energetic. Because we get along so well and rarely have conflict. I found the debate quite stimulating.
Having an outside issue to debate brought up unexpressed frustrations in both of us and we ended up feeling quite amorous afterwards!
Political disagreement as foreplay? Who knew?
Catherine Behan
lisaq November 10th, 2008, 8:31 pm
Haha…who’d have thunk it Catherine? Good for you! I hope you have many more ummm, stimulating debates!
Brian December 4th, 2008, 4:17 pm
I strongly agree that political views shouldn’t define compatibility. I am very interested in politics, and I am a registered independent. On some issues I am “conservative” and others I am “liberal”. In my mind no one side is always right, and thinking that one side is always right is both damaging and dangerous. Just look at what it has gotten our country recently, deadlock and hard times. One should always take all sides into consideration as no one knows everything. Like Kira, what bothers me is when people automatically think the other side is wrong because of their party affiliation. I live in republican central, and work with hard core “right wingers”. This election brought many heated discussions and even political propaganda into the office through posters and emails. It was very unprofessional and shouldn’t have been allowed.