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Polyamory
Recently added to Webster’s dictionary, polyamory is the practice of simultaneously having more than one loving relationship. Polyamory is more commonly referred to as an “open relationship.”
For many, a monogamous relationship can feel restricting and lacking, especially in areas pertaining to sex. Tired of the one dimension they feel monogamy has to offer, many turn to open relationships. Jenny Block, author of “Open,” found herself in such a situation.
Initially she resorted to cheating on her husband. After the cheating coming out in the open, something her husband said struck her. He said he was hurt that she lied to him. She thought it odd that he didn’t say he was hurt that she had sex with someone else. Lying was the key. So they opted to try polyamory and are the happiest they’ve been in a long time.
Jenny Block appeared on the Tyra Banks show on October 2 as did an extensive network of polyamorus couples, a woman who learned the hard way that open relationships were not for her, and a couple contemplating polyamory. I recorded the show in an attempt to learn more about the topic. I, as most, had the wrong idea about what an open relationship truly is and entails and watching the show helped to outline it for me.
Polyamory involves committed, loving relationships not random sex with multiple partners. Those involved in open relationships are usually in love with or care deeply about every one of their partners. Sometimes it involves married couples or simply people who began as good friends or both. One thing all polyamorous relatioships have in common is a well established set of rules. Such rules include having 110% open communication, being safe, etc. The rules vary from relationship to relationship based on the situation but in order for the relationship to be a successful one, some form of guidelines must be kept.
On the Tyra Show, not everyone met the idea of polyamory with open arms. Some of the audience members opposed for religous reasons, others opposed because of the way these types of relationships could affect children that may be involved. I don’t oppose because, while it isn’t for me, I believe it is to each their own.
I wrote this for two reasons; to provide brief education (as I understand it) about polyamory and in hopes of hearing everyone else’s thoughts….so please leave some feedback so we can get a good discussion going!
Thoughts?
Shawn October 6th, 2008, 7:02 am
During the BCE time of humanity, the women did enjoyed sexual relations with one another and the men had many wives, although the wives could enjoy each other, also. There were people that also had a monogamous relationships.
If a person looks at the subject, some men and women (not all) need more, the same partner can get boring and old.
Although each person is different and each situation is different, I have known happy married couples that would add another women or man for sexual gratification, but they are still committed to each other. Some men and women could not deal with any external side play in their relationship.
For the guy it seems like another women added would be more popular than an extra man, although I could be wrong.
saneandsingle October 6th, 2008, 8:35 pm
Nah, not for me man!
saneandsingle´s last blog post..Stress, Stress, and I Don’t Care!
kira October 7th, 2008, 1:50 pm
Shawn- Great input. It is definitely one of things that is perfect for some and couldn’t be more wrong for others. There was a couple on the Tyra show that participated in an open relationship introduced other partners, most of which were female. They mentioned that it depends on the sexual orientation of each individual. The female of the main relationship (I apologize but their names escape me) is bisexual while her husband is straight. This explains the addition of more females than males to the relationship.
saneandsingle- I am with ya! It’s not for me either!
Brad K. October 7th, 2008, 7:13 pm
This seems more like perpetual dating than building a family. A slick (as in, deceptive) way to avoid labels like polygamy. And a waste of resources, a way to avoid commitment.
Brad K.´s last blog post..Virginity - Gateway to love, or stumbling block to sex?
Honey October 7th, 2008, 8:46 pm
I dated a polyamorous man who was married to what he referred to as his “primary partner.” They had a committed and wonderful relationship, had lost their virginity to each other. I think he was more into having external partners than she was, but it was clear their relationship was rock solid. He and I didn’t work out, but it wasn’t because he was poly. We were just a bad fit in other ways.
Honey´s last blog post..Morning Sex (And Other Sex)
Honey October 7th, 2008, 8:47 pm
Oh, I actually forgot to mention…I dated two polyamorous men who were married. The second one, though, was kind of forced into being poly because his wife made it clear she would divorce him if the relationship wasn’t open. I only went out with him a couple times because it was clear he wasn’t really on board with what was happening with his wife and he had rage issues. Bad sitch.
Honey´s last blog post..Morning Sex (And Other Sex)
kira October 8th, 2008, 12:22 pm
BradK- Those involved in polyamorous relationships would very likely disagree with you, as do I. It is not a perpetual date but a committed relationship in every sense. There are married couples who have children that also participate in polyamory and consider every one of their partners to be part of their family. A common misconception is that polyamory is motivated by sex when in fact it is most often motivated by love. Those who practice polyamory believe it possible to love many people truly and completely and find it senseless to restrict that love.
Honey- Thank you for sharing your experiences! I think it is important for people to know that those involved in polyamorous relationships often do have very sold, committed relationships, as you stated the first poly man you dated had with his primary partner.
Honey October 9th, 2008, 11:27 am
Thanks, Kira! It was very clear that for the first couple I mentioned, their relationship would always come first unless they met someone(s) that they BOTH felt comfortable bringing into the mix on a permanent basis. They were happy and quite devoted to one another; I hung out with them together on numerous occasions and they were both very normal, natural people.
I think the other couple was just bonkers, but there are plenty of people (the vast majority, IMO) who are single and bonkers, so I don’t think it had anything to do with whether they were poly.
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