20-forty.comBecause love isn’t always 20/20!
Date or Spanish Inquisition?
Recently I had a first, and coincidentally, last date. Really, I should have known it was going to be one of those ridiculous dates from hell, but I let a something distract me. He was almost local. Since the dating pool here in Map Dot is ridiculously shallow, someone local sounded like a very good thing.
What I overlooked were the questions which started immediately and continued throughout the next few days and through the entire date. It was like 20 questions combined with a immensely long speed dating round.
Now, I get that you have to ask questions. That’s how you learn about someone, how you decide whether or not there is attraction and compatibility. Bearing that in mind, I didn’t really pay attention to the sheer number of questions asked in the initial emails.
It was during the first phone call though that my radar should have been alerted. Yep, you guessed it. During the very first phone call he asked that question I dread even over and above how old I am or how much I weigh. How many times have you been married? That question. Really? You’re going to ask that question already? During the first phone call? Uh huh. He was. He did.
And maybe that in itself wouldn’t have been so bad, but from that point on every question seemed like him trying to gauge whether or not I was worthy of his attention. Seriously. How much do you smoke? When are you going to quit? Do you know so & so and so & so? How can you give relationship advice when you’ve failed at so many relationships? And on and on and frickin’ on. All the way through the phone call and the next phone call. All the way through the date. I mean damn! Come up for air dude!
Before you say it, I know. Damn straight I’m worthy. The real question would have been was he. And, obviously since it was a first and last date, the answer would be a big NO!
That’s not what’s bothering me. What I can’t wrap my brain around is why in God’s name I agreed to a date with someone who continued to make me feel as if I needed to defend myself and my past. I have no problems with my past and who I am. I know I am better relationship material than a lot of people out there because of it. So why I agreed is very completely beyond me.
Thoughts?
auntiegwen October 3rd, 2008, 6:34 am
It’s because you want to see the best in people sweetie. A triumph of hope over experience.
My newly single friend M is trying to date like crazy presently. Every morning she texts me with a new plan to meet men. Speed dating was todays suggestion, can you imagine me at speed dating, thought not, me neither, it sounds like having 20 job interviews one after the other !!!
So keep saving your cents and I’ll keep saving my pennies and we’ll meet up and paint the world red ! xxxx
auntiegwens last blog post..10 Places I Have Never Been
Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts October 3rd, 2008, 8:56 am
Sometimes, we put on blinders and want to see the best in people and give them a chance. I thnk that is what you were doing. Just wanting to give the guy every opportunity to make sure he wasn’t the jerk he appeared to be and he proved he was unfortuntely.
Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughtss last blog post..No Post Here Folks, Move Along
craze October 3rd, 2008, 9:25 am
You agreed with hopes that you might meet a decent guy. Nothing wrong with that.
crazes last blog post..GO, GO, GO BIG BLUE
dadshouse October 3rd, 2008, 11:34 am
Oh, I hate interview dates. An inquisition like that would drive me crazy. The question I hate more than all others? “How do you make money?” Um, I work? If they cared what my interests or passions were, they could ask. The question seems more tuned to figure out how much I make.
dadshouses last blog post..Smashing Pumpkins, The Fillmore Residency
Honey October 3rd, 2008, 12:57 pm
Yuck, yuck, yuck. If you haven’t already made it clear to him that this was the last date, you could try and turn the tables a little…can you guess what would make him really uncomfortable? Then at least you can imagine how satisfying it would feel to do it…
Honeys last blog post..I’ve Had Sex With Three Virgins And I’m Gonna Tell You About It
SINgleGIRL October 3rd, 2008, 5:15 pm
You still have hope. That’s a good thing. Sometimes our hope blinds us to the most obvious facts. Cut yourself a break and continue to hope for someone/something better. You deserve it.
SINgleGIRLs last blog post..Don’t Be Shy
lisaq October 4th, 2008, 6:52 am
Yeah, I can’t see myself speed dating either Gwen. Saving pennies…
Maybe Tee. No more blinders!
Yeah Craze that may have been it…and especially one that was
local.
Me too Dad’s House. It was horribly uncomfortable. I kept expecting the cuffs to come out and cell door to slam. Ugh. How you make money? Really? I can’t even imagine asking someone that.
Yeah Honey. Yuck is just the word. I definitely made it clear it was the last date. I’ll remember your suggestion though in case, God forbid, I end up in another inquisition.
Hope. Yep, SINgleGIRL I definitely still have hope. Thanks girl.
lisaqs last blog post..Date or Spanish Inquisition?
Brad K. October 7th, 2008, 11:03 am
LisaQ, At some level, his questions likely felt like the profiles we fill out for online dating sites. And you likely had a bit of morbid curiosity to find out how the screening turned out - whether you respected his answer, whether the ‘test’ was well put together.
This likely wouldn’t have been such a negative experience for you if you hadn’t been thinking “this is supposed to be a date - where the hell is the mutual admiration, enjoyment, intimacy?” His biggest problem is lack of social network. He hasn’t learned to network at all. All the questions? Polite society expects us to use our family, our friends, our research skills to find out, quietly, about a possible mate’s background, temperament, hopes, fears, attachments and accomplishments.
Even a moron would know you have to have some basis for asking a bunch of questions - or you can’t tell the truth from the polite stories.
Have your crotchetiest (elderly if possible, maybe great-)aunt call Bozo and give him an earful about the role family plays in preparing for a life together. Show him there are consequences to dating someone past high school, in Map Dot.
I am sorry that your expectations of a date were different than his attempt to get ready for a ‘first date’. Better luck next time!
Brad K.´s last blog post..Family Music