Losing Your V-Card: Big Deal or Big Whoop?
You’re young, in love (or so you think) and most likely letting your hormones guide your actions. One night things get hot, steamy, and clothes go flying off. He gets out the condom but it is the first time for both of you and putting it on looks much easier in porn. The first one snaps and breaks, hitting you in the hand, breaking skin. Finally, the condom is on, although the success of the application is questionable.
Next you both fumble around attempting penetration; this also looks easier in porn. Then you smack your head on the window sill, furthering frustration. About to give up and swear off sex altogether, it finally happens. He is completely inside of you…for about 30 seconds. All of a sudden he panics, jumps up, grabs his clothes and bolts without saying a word. At this point, you think sex waaaaay overrated.
No, not everyone’s first time is this disastrous but it sure as hell was for me. That’s right folks, the above mentioned is the train wreck that was my first time. The good news? I don’t regret it and I didn’t swear off sex.
Big Deal?
So if it is so awkward and uncomfortable and potentially hazardous, why is losing your virginity made out to be such a big deal? Answer: Because it is a big deal!
As the old saying goes, there is a first time for everything. Take learning to ride a bike for example. The first time you take off the training wheels, it is crazy difficult to keep your balance. I was the cool kid who wrecked into a parked car but I eventually figured it out and learning to maneuver the bike. The same goes for sex.
Your first time is a stepping stone, a learning experience. If it was perfect the first time, then what would there be to look forward to concerning future endeavors?
Your first sexual encounter (your first several sexual encounters for that matter) are all about exploration. In the beginning, sex is unfamiliar and while practice may not make perfect, it sure helps to improve things. Your first time isn’t supposed to be a fairy tale with candlelight, rose petals, and champagne, and really who wants that anyways? My first time was ridiculous, and yet I have learned a lot since then and because of it. As an extra bonus, it makes for a funny story!
Maturity Over Age
So then the question becomes, at what point or age is giving up your virginity important, and are you really giving something up, or simply gaining new knowledge and experiences? Personally, I am not sure that age is a good determining factor, it has to do with maturity. With sex comes responsibility and having sex before you are mature enough to handle the responsibility can have serious consequences.
Most of us are aware of the physical repercussions, such as pregnancy and STD’s (thanks to sex education) but not being able to handle the responsibility that comes with sex can be harmful mentally. We all know that girls associate sex with emotion more so than guys. So taking that into consideration, a girl who hasn’t yet gained a certain level of maturity and gives up her virginity because she mistook infatuation for love, can seriously hinder her future sexual encounters and relationships (that’s just one example folks, I’m not saying is that way for all girls or even just girls).
Rather “losing” your v-card, I prefer to say that we trade it in. We learn a lot from our first sexual experience whether we realize it or not. We learn about our bodies, as well as others bodies, and what we do and don’t like. We are also able to explore a side of ourselves that we may not have known existed before. Behind closed doors is a perfect place to let go of our inhibitions and let loose. Realistically, this discovery isn’t likely to happen the first time, but the first time is a vital step in the process.
What About Waiting For Marriage?!
For some, virginity is sacred for religious reasons. They believe that sex is reserved for reproducing not for recreation and therefore should not be given up before marriage. However, because I am not the most religious of sorts, it is hard for me to understand this logic. My first thought is, if sex isn’t for recreation, then why is it so much fun? Fun and recreation go hand in hand. Secondly, we don’t buy cars before we test drive them, so why wait until after you are married to discover that you ended up with a lemon?
To Each Their Own
The meaning of virginity and the worth it holds is different for everyone. None of us are wrong and none of us our right in our opinions. When it comes down to it, we are the only ones who can and should decide when, where, why, and how we give it up.T
This post is part of a roundtable series on virginity with a group of fellow bloggers. The blogs range from career development to dating advice to pickup. The original subject was, “With Natalie Dylan auctioning off her v-card and The Virgin opting to lose it to a professional sex blogger, what kind of value does virginity have in our society, anyway? ” See the other great posts below, and watch this space as more get published in the next few days.
20-forty.com The Value of Virginity
Honey & Lance Natalie Dylan: Brilliant Capitalist or Expensive Skank Ho?
Honey & Lance Raffaella Fico: Yay! More Absurdly Expensive Virgins!
Honey & Lance Was Losing My Virginity Worth it?
Honey & Lance I’ve Had Sex With Three Virgins And I’m Gonna Tell You About It
The Virgin All good things…
Beauty of the Year Virgin Vendetta
Hot Alpha Female Lets Talk About Sex … Baby
Effy’s ‘lil Place on the Web Why wait? An argument against saving yourself.
Quest for T blog Virginity: A Girl and Moms Perspective
PUA Blogger Virgins For Sale
Dad’s House Virginity? It’s So Overrated
Evil Woobie Why is Virginity a Big Deal Among Filipinos?
Project Infinity The More “Touchy” Part of Dating: Sex & Virgins
The Modern Savage: Pick Up Artist The Dilemmas of Male Virgins
Single Mom Seeking Why I’m aspiring to be a virgin again
I Date White The Brotha Virgin
My Secret Hobby Virginity, what’s the deal?
The American Virgin Calling All Bloggers: Lets Talk Virgins
The Virgin Roundtable: Virginity
Yankee In a New World You Dragged a Rampaging Virgin Out of Me!
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[...] The Value of Virginity Honey & Lance Natalie Dylan: Brilliant Capitalist or Expensive Skank Ho? Honey & Lance [...]
[...] 20-40: Losing Your V-Card, Big Deal or Big Whoop? [...]
Great post! I agree with everything you said. Sorry your first time was so… strange. But glad to hear it didn’t turn you off from sex. Emotional maturity is key before someone starts having sex.
dadshouses last blog post..Rotten Eggs
I agree that maturity is definitely the key to good sex. Which means it just keeps getting better! (Hopefully, at least…)
Honeys last blog post..Say Yes! To Friends With Benefits
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[...] Kira - Losing Your V-Car: Big Deal of Big Whoop? [...]
[...] Kira - Losing Your V-Car: Big Deal of Big Whoop? [...]
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I do have to admit, in the western world test driving is important and kind of mandatory. It’s a cultural thing—taste to make sure you like the flavor.
I met a virgin Jordanian Girl and we went out for dinner in Amman, and I would not have sex with her before marriage—it’s a cultural thing, although neither cultural behavior is more “correct”, each culture there are positive and negatives qualities.
I have experienced the energy of the 23 year old Arab virgins to be desirable and captivating.
I thought of adding this other story.
I also met a 19 year old Virgin in Beirut, I house-sat for two months that allow me to get to know her. We “went out” and I have to admit if she would have wanted to fool around I would have been more then happy to have a nice cherry desert, although without intercourse.
The girl in Amman is just to sweet, the thought of sex never crossed my mind, I think the thought of marriage crossed her mind, lol.
This was a great post. My first time was so so. Not awful, not amazing but what I do know is that I was like a lot of teens who put myself under pressure to get it over and done with. I think emotional maturity is pivotal however people attach varying levels of importance to it and it’s either so much it creates to high expectations or so low, it fosters a likely interest in inappropriate relationships. When I was a teenager, people never used to talk about virginity anywhere near as much as they do now so I feel sorry for a virgin in today’s climate.
[...] - Losing Your V-Card: Big Deal or Big Whoop? - Kira offers her losing-virginity story, which by her own admissions was a disaster. Check it out [...]
[...] sex is a recent topic. At least at 20-Forty.com. Kira writes about her hasty first time, “Losing Your V-Card: Big Deal or Big Whoop?” and LisaQ writes about her loss “The Value Of Virginity”. Both write frankly [...]