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So, There’s This Boy-Guest Post
By Kaci
That’s usually how I begin telling this story. The rest goes like this- So there’s this boy…ok maybe I shouldn’t say boy…so there’s this guy I work with. He’s perfect. He’s cute, funny, a hard worker, nice body, an all around amazing guy. So what’s the problem? You probably could have guessed it. He has a girlfriend. It doesn’t surprise me, since he is so perfect and amazing. Men are like public toilets, after all. They’re either taken or full of shit. You might be asking yourself, ok Kaci…so there’s a cute guy with a girlfriend blah blah blah…get over it. Easier said than done, my friends. You might ask why.
Well, if his girlfriend knew half of the things we say and text to each other, I don’t think she would be too happy about it. Needless to say we flirt like a bunch of middle schoolers. People at work have even told us to get a room.
Here is my main problem. I have a huge school girl crush on this guy and maybe he feels the same way and maybe he doesn’t. All I know is that if I could break him and his girl up I would. But how do you break up a couple that has been together for over 3 years and just got an apartment together? You don’t. You just don’t.
I hate myself for even having that thought. I don’t even know this girl. I’ve had this talk with many different people and one person really put things into perspective for me. She said “If you did get them to break up, how do you know it wouldn’t be one amazing night and then be over with?” Smart girl, I knew she’s my best friend for a reason.
My roommate helped put this into perspective by telling me a story of a guy she had a crush on while she was dating someone else so she broke up with her bf for this guy, they hooked up once, and that was that. She ended it with her boyfriend of almost eight months for one great night. And although it was a great night, it wasn’t worth what she lost.
So for now, I guess I’ll just let things be as they are as much as I don’t want to. Things will work out how they are suppose to…everything happens for a reason…blah blah blah. Those clichés’ would sound a lot better if they were working in my favor.
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Brad K. September 26th, 2008, 9:51 am
Kaci,
First off, the guy isn’t perfect. The intimate – texting, flirting – stuff he does with you? Disrespect for himself, and for his gf.
Next, where is your respect? As long as you are aware he has someone in his life, you need to respect his choice – that the other girl has precedence.
Much of the lust (crush) you are experiencing is physical – hormones. This happens as people spend time close to each other, sharing breaths, eye contact, body language conversations. Our bodies adapt to those we spend time with. That is the reason a honeymoon – originally intended to exclude all other people, just so this physical bond develops, not today’s displays of conspicuous consumption at expensive tourist resorts – used to be so effective (maybe the reason marriages aren’t as long lasting?). Put at least two feet more space between you and him at all times, minimum, and avoid opportunities to get closer than 15 feet when you can. 15 feet – that is the distance between hash marks on the football field. In marching band, that is 8 regular steps, 6 big steps. Yes – back off.
Suppose he did leave his gf for you. You know, for dead certain sure, that he flirts with other women. And he would have left one woman for another, to your sure knowledge. How secure and happy would that make you feel, to have ‘hold’ of a drifter?
Then, there are all the stereotypes of office flings – from the bad jokes to loused up work to gossip to unfair treatment to loss of job.
It is better for you and for him that nothing happen, and less of what is going on, too.
Brad K.s last blog post..I got this spam – they sent it to the wrong guy
moody.bitch September 26th, 2008, 9:59 am
Yes, everything happens for a reason, and right now, the “reason” is so you can see exactly what kind of loser he is! He’s the kind of guy who would betray a girlfriend of three years by flirting and texting with another girl. And, what does it say about *you* that you would even *want* a guy who thinks this type of behavior is okay?
Who cares if you got one amazing night or even a dozen of them out of forcing them to break up, it’s BAD CHICK KARMA to jack up someone else’s relationship. Do unto others and all that: would you want some other girl flirting and texting with your BF behind your back? I think not!
Stop fantasizing about this loser and find a guy who’s not already in a relationship with someone else. There’s just no excuse for this type of girl-on-girl crime. Pffft.
craze September 26th, 2008, 10:08 am
This smells like trouble no matter how you look at it. Do you really want to go out with a guy that treats his girlfriend like that? Sure, flirting can be fun but it sounds like this has gone a little beyond that, right into inappropriate. He seems like such a great guy because you aren’t dating him. You gotta have the backs of women out there and end this flirty relationship.
crazes last blog post..Think Green
Kaci September 26th, 2008, 4:25 pm
Although you all have valid points, I think you are forgetting the most important thing- nothing has actually happened between us. I’m not trying to say that the flirting and texting is right, but it’s so easy to get caught up in something whether or not it’s the right thing to do. Brad K.- I’m not going to go out of my way to avoid him. In a small restaurant, running into each other is more accidental than on purpose. Moody- What this says about me is that I’m like any other normal girl who lets her feelings overcome her. And I have had a boyfriend texting another girl behind my back and I wanted to hunt her down and kill her…If I were his girlfriend, I’d want to kill me too. I’m not looking to be a homewrecker, I’m just human.
Meghan September 27th, 2008, 7:48 am
I sometimes abhor that ‘crush’ feeling as I wonder if I am too old for the crush! It is delicious though!
In this moment, it does seem it will be best to hold back and let the chips fall where they may…even though we edge them to our side of the table in our head!
Suz September 27th, 2008, 9:00 am
Kaci you are a smart girl! You have a good head on your shoulders! There is no harm in texting or flirting at all! Just please remember to guard your heart and don’t allow yourself to fall in love with this guy cause! Playing is learning about life! We can’t move to the next level until we’ve played the games as they come along! Plus its fun and exciting!
saneandsingle September 27th, 2008, 1:41 pm
I once met my “soulmate”, but…..he was married!! We worked together and developed feelings for one another. He had been married for a few years. We DID NOT get intimate, well not physically intimate anyway. Thank God he finally moved to another state…with his wife. Grrr…
saneandsingles last blog post..New Guy