Not Today…

Most days I embrace being single. I am happy and living a very full life. Today is not one of those days.

Today I am struggling. I feel alone and sad. I think it’s a combination of things. TDIB moving. Firing G as my BFF. People I care about struggling. Disastrous first dates. It feels very overwhelming and all I can think is how nice it would be to have someone to take me in their arms and just melt into them.

I try very hard to be grateful. You see I’m a very big believer in the law of attraction and am fully aware how important gratitude is. I can usually stave off days like today by thinking of ways to be grateful even when things aren’t good, when it feels like too much. But not today.

Four and a half years is a long time to be single and today I’m not sure that I can survive 4 1/2 years and 1 day. Yes, I’ve learned a lot and I am grateful for that. I wouldn’t change a minute of it. I certainly wouldn’t forsake the journey given the chance. And yet I feel very empty and sad. Tears have come and gone all day. I pick up the phone to call someone but there’s no one to call.

I am not a girl who whines. Not anymore. So even admitting that I’m struggling hurts. I want to be that girl I am usually am. The one who is happy and fabulous and optimistic and confident. But I’m not sure where she is. I think she’s hiding. She doesn’t know how to handle me today. I don’t blame her.

So, I’m having a pity party. It’s a big one. There are tears and Kleenex and maybe some Ben & Jerry’s later…if I can find the energy to go to the grocery store. The cats aren’t enjoying the party. They keep looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. Maybe I have. I can’t seem to find it anywhere.

The only upside I can find at the moment is that I get a new day tomorrow and I’m reasonable sure it will be better. Tomorrows are always better. But not today.

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Posted by lisaq on Monday, September 22nd, 2008 and is filed under Featured. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

15 Responses to “Not Today…”

Brad K. September 22nd, 2008, 7:58 am

LisaQ, It hurts to feel alone. Thankfully, most days it doesn’t hit home so hard. On those days, yuck. But look on the bright side – falling on a Monday, at least this one isn’t clouding up a weedend!

For today, perhaps a book that you enjoy, a hot bath (sorrow is a cold emotion), a nap. Maybe one of the old standby movies – Sleepless in Seattle, An Affair To Remember, Operation Petticoat or Father Goose, Six Days Seven Nights, Love Actually. Something with a good tears of sadness to tears of joy excursion. Maybe a big mug of tea, with a big dollop of honey.

And maybe a list of people that you enjoy knowing.

Blessed be!

Brad K.s last blog post..WWn: Palin bags a bigfoot
lisaq September 22nd, 2008, 8:16 am

Thanks BradK. Unfortunately, it is carried over from yesterday so it did kind of screw up my weekend. I really appreciate your suggestions and will definitely try a few of them.
craze September 22nd, 2008, 9:57 am

Oh girl, I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. I think all of us single girls have days like that. It helps opening up to others like you have and allowing yourself to have a pity party once in awhile. If you were closer, I’d come over with the tequilla and join you. HUGS

crazes last blog post..Protect Our Children
Jason September 22nd, 2008, 10:20 am

Its better being single! But if you do get super lonely and you live in the SoCal area, you can count on me to turn that frown upside down!
Honey September 22nd, 2008, 11:28 am

The only Honey she needs is me, BradK!

Thinking of you, LisaQ…

Honeys last blog post..I Got Rejected Hardcore At The Cell Phone Store
Bill September 22nd, 2008, 11:31 am

Here’s that silly ((((hugs)))) thing..
…[and, know it's sincere.]

You hang in there, friend.
There’s plenty of great things
out there,~~ (some of ‘em even better
than Men!:)~~so, do not fear.

If I were a travelin’ fella
I’d definitely be your Umbrella..
(hey! I’m a poet! [Block that song lyric])

Then
again,
there’s always time for Vacations.:)

Smile, hun.
Things will be better soon.
cheekie September 22nd, 2008, 12:37 pm

aw babe, you aren’t alone! ever. and we all have moments like this, single or not.god knows i do. so just go easy on yourself, allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. there is NOTHING weak or abnormal about it. just allow it to happen,that’s the only way it will pass. being single does suck sometimes, being in a relationship does suck sometimes. it’s just the way it goes. it’s just harder when you’re single to realize that it isn’t you, because you are the only one there. in a couple at least you have the other to take it out on…lol.

and you know i am ALWAYS here for you, even if it’s just to send you a dirty joke text to make you smile…
xo
dadshouse September 22nd, 2008, 2:54 pm

I can relate – days like your having can really suck. Sometimes you just want someone to hug you (or more…) We’re all people, and no one can do it alone. We need each other!

dadshouses last blog post..Hot, Sexy, Confident
saneandsingle September 22nd, 2008, 4:05 pm

I’m so sorry you are feeling like this. I had a pity party yesterday myself…complete with ice cream and curious cats! LOL I hope tomorrow is a better day.

saneandsingles last blog post..One Is The Loneliest Number
auntiegwen September 22nd, 2008, 4:54 pm

Sweetie, I’m here, on the other end of an e mail or phone, you’ll get through this, you have so many people who care about you, even the ones who’ve not met you in regular life !!!

You save some pennies and we’ll meet up for real.

Sending you the love xxx

auntiegwens last blog post..Again, with feeling, I am a lucky, lucky girl
lisaq September 23rd, 2008, 5:53 am

Awww Craze thank you! I appreciate that so much. I do wish we could do that tequila though!

Haha Jason. Thanks! Sucks for me that I’m in Kansas huh?

Go Honey! Thanks girl!

Sinfully you always make me smile. Thanks hon!

I know you’re right Cheekie. It just overwhelmed me. You’re a fabulous friend! Hugs!

Yeah Dad’s House mostly it’s cool, but sometimes the human touch is just what’s needed.

Tomorrow was definitely better sane and single. Nice to know I’m not the only one out there havin’ a pity party with cats & ice cream!

Love you Gwen!Working on those pennies though that could take awhile.

lisaqs last blog post..The Bitch That Is PMS
singlemom September 23rd, 2008, 2:17 pm

Just found you blog through another site.

Tomorrow will be better, as will the day after. Just take one day at a time.

singlemoms last blog post..Great bonuses in addition to making extra money !
lisaq September 24th, 2008, 5:15 am

Thanks singlemom. I appreciate it. It’s easier some days than others.

lisaqs last blog post..What I’ve Learned About Online Dating
SINgleGIRL September 24th, 2008, 5:23 pm

Thank you for writing this (and so sorry you’re having one of THOSE days). Sometimes, when I’m feeling lonely and sad I forget that I’m not the only one with those feelings. Like you, I try to stay positive, and to be grateful for all that I do have. But there are days when it’s hard. Really, really hard.

I hope you find the strength to get out and find some ice cream, and if not that, something really silly on the boob tube to watch.

SINgleGIRLs last blog post..Circling Back Around
lisaq September 25th, 2008, 5:53 am

Oh thank you SINgleGIRL! Knowing there’s someone else out going through the same thing is very comforting!

lisaqs last blog post..Hooray For Support Systems!