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Men Come and Go…Friendships Are Forever
Here’s the scenario. You and your closest friends have met a group of guys and you establish a circle of friends kind of thing. Then, after a night of partying, there is some kind of pairing off. You start romanticizing and thinking how cool it is that you’ve met these guys and they’re friends and you’re friends. You begin having visions of double dates and all of you hanging out together. Well, stop it! Now!
Alcohol Changes Everything
First of all, the dynamics of this fun loving group changed drastically when alcohol came into the picture precipitating the pairing off. Because, whether you believe it or not, the pairing off may never have happened without it. People sober up and re-evaluate. They take off their beer googles and things change.
Granted things may have progressed here eventually anyway but really that doesn’t matter. If alcohol was involved in the initial pairing off, the dynamics have changed. Even if one or both couples had already sort of paired off, the fact is there really weren’t established relationships in play. And, because of that, all bets are off and you are entering a dangerous place.
It’s Not a Perfect World
Granted if it were, you and your best friends would meet best friends, fall in love with them and live happily ever after. But the cold hard truth is, it’s not a perfect world. The stars would have to be in perfect alignment for this to happen and the stars may not be interested in your vision of a perfect world.
The odds of this happening are astronomical. Even if there was no alcohol, there really is a slim chance that you and your potential guy and your friends and the other guys will enter into bonafide relationships. If you think otherwise, take off the rose colored glasses. If it happens, it’s a dating anomaly.
Is It Worth The Risk?
I mean really is it? They say that men come and go, but friendships are forever for a reason. It’s true. Are you really ready to risk your friendship for a guy you just met? You don’t even really know this guy yet and you are ready to put your friendship on the line?
If your friend meets someone else and shatters your vision of a perfect dating circle, how will you handle that? And, even worse, what happens if the vision of your friend and the guy you thought she should be with doesn’t work out? Maybe they even find out that they don’t even like each other in any way and animosity pops up between the two of them?
Will you sacrifice your friend to stay on good terms with the guys because you don’t want to face the possibility of losing a guy with potential? Really?
Good Friends Are Hard to Find
Another all too true cliche kids. Maybe in your 20s you don’t think so. There seems to be an unlimited supply of potential new friends in your world. You meet people at work, at school, out on the town, wherever. Understand though that in a year or in 10 years, you may not even remember most of their names. They very likely could be just some people you partied with back in the day.
Finding real friends is as tough as finding someone to have a relationship with. It’s true. We have a higher standard for friendships. We need them to be there, to have our backs, to stick by us in good times and bad. We depend on them. We expect them to always have our best interests at heart even when we are being bitchy.
Step Back and Think
If you find yourself in just such a situation, you need to take a step back and really think about whether this guy is worth losing your friend over. Will he still be there next week or next month? Will your friend? Because your friend is likely feeling hurt over the situation right now and, if she feels like you are choosing potential of a relationship with this dude over her, you may very well be on the verge of losing her.
Are you willing to take that chance? Are you so enamoured of this guy, that you are willing to damage your friendship over him? Take off the blinders. Really think about what’s a stake here. Then do the right thing.
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Carol September 21st, 2008, 9:50 am
Lisa,
How in the hell did I not even know you had this amazing website? I love it!
I agree…the dynamics of a great circle of friends totally change when pairing off happens. This brought back some memories for me and not necessarily good ones! Sure, the night of much needed passion may have filled a tiny void, but the voids of lost friendships are much greater.
lisaq September 21st, 2008, 10:03 am
Awww aren’t you sweet Carol! Thank you! It’s true. Those lost friendship voids are huge! When we girls learn that boys are just not worth it? Ugh!
auntiegwen September 22nd, 2008, 4:49 pm
I love my friends and am proud to say I have never ever let a man come between us
auntiegwens last blog post..Again, with feeling, I am a lucky, lucky girl
lisaq September 23rd, 2008, 5:49 am
Good girl Gwen! More people should be like you!
lisaqs last blog post..The Bitch That Is PMS
kira September 23rd, 2008, 11:38 pm
This is one of those deals that is much easier said than done. It takes two to have and maintain a friendship. It also doesn’t help the situation if one of the friends is bitter over the other spoiling the idea of the perfect circle of friends/relationship. This kind of stuff is shitty all the way around.
lisaq September 24th, 2008, 5:17 am
Definitely shitty all the way around. It comes down to valuing ourselves. Women who do this are the kind that will blow you off for their man right until the situation with the man blows up in their face. They need that male validation and think their whole world revolves around it.
lisaqs last blog post..What I’ve Learned About Online Dating