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I’m From a Map Dot…
Last week Honey commented on my Can This Relationship Survive the Distance? post wondering what it is that keeps me in Mapdot when it is so limiting. I’m sure that many others have wondered the same thing. Hell, I’ve wondered myself. The truth is there are many reasons.
There’s No Place Like Home
Some of you may wonder why I stay in Kansas period. After all, there are 49 other states. I know. I’ve even visited some of them. Hell, I’ve lived in some of them. Really. I’ve ventured out of Kansas and lived in Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Washington state. Washington was awesome! We were there almost 5 years and I honestly loved it there.
But, in 1992, I knew it was time to come home. Yes, Kansas may not be a lot of things to a lot of people, but to me it’s home. The beauty of Washington and the allure of the ocean is strong, but family is here and family makes a place home.
This has been reinforced for me in several ways on many occasions over the years. Two years ago I lost my only brother in a car accident. While we weren’t close, it was a tragedy that reminded me of many things including the importance of family. My parents live 20 minutes away and, the truth is, the girls and I are the most important thing in the world to them. They’ve lost a son. If I left, it would be devastating for them. And for me.
A less tragic, though very scary, thing happened recently as well and, at the time, I thought, “Thank God I’m so close.” I had been to Wichita to see the girls and TDIB and had come home on Saturday afternoon. Less than an hour later, I laid down for a nap. I had no more than closed my eyes when the phone rang. It was Kaci telling me she had totaled her car. She was obviously disoriented and insisted she was okay and could walk home.
If you knew Kaci, you’d know that offering to walk anywhere is a big ass red flag that all is not okay. I called Kira. By the time she arrived at the accident scene, they were about to load her sister in the ambulance. I couldn’t get back to Wichita soon enough. Had I lived out of state or further away than an hour and 15 minutes, I might not have been able to drop everything and go to make sure my baby was okay. Scary.
But Mapdot?
I know. I know. I could move to Wichita and, believe me, I’ve given it a lot of thought. I imagine that someday, unless something big changes, that will indeed happen. But there are many reasons why it can’t happen now.
The biggest is financial. I bought my house under the first time home owner’s program and, in agreement with the terms, I am required to live in it 10 years. I’m in the fourth year. The only way I can sell is by paying a financial penalty which I neither have the resources or the inclination to do. Renting it out isn’t an option either per the terms of the program. It sucks but at the time of the purchase, I honestly didn’t foresee myself wanting to leave Mapdot. So, unless that winning lotto ticket comes in, I’m in my house until 2014. Didn’t seem that far away until I typed it out.
The other part of Mapdot that holds me is my job. Now, I know I could get a job in Wichita teaching what I teach, but I love the school I teach at and, as I’m the only high school ESL teacher in town, I pretty much run my own life. No department, no one else to bother me. As long as I teach the standards, the curriculum is pretty much my call. I like that, and it would never happen in a bigger district.
The More Things Change…
Two years ago I remember telling someone that once Kaci graduated, I was out. That I planned to figure out a way to get out from under my house and go somewhere else. That there would be nothing left in Mapdot for me. There was nothing I wanted here, nothing to hold me. And then my brother was killed.
As I said earlier, we weren’t close but it was still a difficult time. It was then that I bottomed out. My ex boyfriend left me 5 days after the funeral for someone else. You’ve heard of rock bottom? That’s where I landed. I had been diagnosed with chronic, recurring depression 6 weeks before his death. The last time I spoke with him, it was a huge argument and I cut him out of my life. When the ex b/f left me, I fell apart. I went to work every day wearing a mask, dissolved into tears as soon as my car left the parking lot, and pretty much sequestered myself in my house every evening. Every day for 29 days. Though I could finally get through the days without tears, I was still pretty shut off.
Six months later, I realized I needed to make changes in my life and my journey began. Here. In my house in Mapdot. I rediscovered life and rediscovered myself. I’ve come a tremendously long way. And, silly as it may sound, Mapdot was partially responsible. It provided security and comfort when I had none. This town and its people, though conservative and a little redneckish, were like a security blanket. Had I been in a bigger city, I think I may have felt very alone and isolated. Here, not so much. For all its blemishes, geographic challenges, and shallow, somewhat tainted, dating pool, its still home.
Brad K. September 18th, 2008, 1:46 pm
LisaQ,
There are some interesting things you can do with a house. A home office comes to mind. A home business - Amway is still alive and making fortunes, Avon, then there are the sex-toy parties (like the bachelorette party in Made of Honor), etc.
A room mate - of either gender, non-intimate arrangements are very workable. And having someone there changes the way life looks. When in California, I looked for a roommate, one lady told me she wanted a male, because “women aren’t kind to each other.” I imagine, like guys, that depends on those involved.
You can check on whether single foster parents are needed. St. Louis, MO, did, in 1990.
I was impressed with the apartment in “Kissing Jessica Stein” - making the central theme an art studio, without losing the living areas.
You have the option to have dinner guests - friends, JayCees, Kiwanis, political orgnizations, neighborhood watch, church, school activity or teacher groups, even Christmas decoration, quilting, or other craft activities.
As a teacher you must be aware of the benefits of aquariums and pet birds or animals.
You can do like one of my folk’s neighbors, and put up Christmas displays of pigs pulling Santa’s slegh (Everly, Iowa, about 10 years ago. We still talk about it. I moved away long before.)
There are many ways to bring joyful and productive energies into a home.
And living in Map Dot, you get a personal connection with more people than you can shake a stick at. Even when they all begin ‘do you know ..’ introductions with who the grandparents were.
Brad K.
Raised near May City, IA, pop. about 75, counting farm families within 5 miles. They made the bowling alley (kids set the pins) into a fiberglass boat hull factory for a couple of years. The guy with a welder and feed grinder was the biggest name in town, after Elmer Kraft Trucking. St. John’s Missouri Synod Lutheran was the church, and center of social life. I still recall the Christmas bag, with a pound of peanuts, an apple, an orange, a couple Brazil nuts, and three pieces of cellophane-wrapped peppermint candy. Handed out after the Christmas program Christmas eve, in a brown paper bag - and always an act of love.
Brad K.s last blog post..“I am a great catch!” and other harmful delusions
auntiegwen September 18th, 2008, 2:07 pm
I live in middle England and my parents and only sister live 350 miles away in Scotland.
I too am a teacher and I love my school but I hope that when Beautiful Baby Daughter leaves me in 7 years time to go to University I too can leave.
I don’t dislike where I live but after the children finish their education I will have no reason to be here.
There is no place like home !
auntiegwens last blog post..Black Boxes
Honey September 18th, 2008, 2:31 pm
Thanks for this context, LisaQ. I’m always interested in learning about people who are close to their families. My mom died about ten years ago…now I talk to my dad maybe 4 times a year and have visited him I think twice in the last 6 years. I talked to my sister maybe once a year for the last 8 years; she was in a horrible accident and almost died about 6 months ago, so we talk on the phone for 10 minutes every month or two now, but I haven’t visited her. The BF was living with his brother when I met him and we hung out with his parents regularly (they also live in Phoenix) but he has had a falling out with all of them and we haven’t talked to any of them since March. Personally I would have cut them out long before.
It is good when, despite flaws or rough patches in a relationship, people can work through them and remain a family. My immediate family (and the BF’s as well) are, each and every one of them, the family member version of an EUM. It is far too much effort to put in only to get 10% back, and sometimes less. The BF and I strive to have our relationship be everything our family life wasn’t/isn’t.
Honeys last blog post..Finances and Dating
Honey September 18th, 2008, 2:33 pm
Oh, and if that star is really near where you live, at least it’s near the interesting/crumbly edge…
Honeys last blog post..Finances and Dating
lisaq September 19th, 2008, 6:35 am
BradK. I have no idea what you’re talking about. My life here is very full. I’m not lacking for friends or for friends or things to do. My only issue with Mapdot is that it makes me geographically challenged when it comes to dating.
I hear ya Gwen. I know how much you miss Scotland.
My relationship with my mom is a little strained at times Honey but my dad is my rock and I can’t imagine my life without them in it. I talk to them several times a week. And no, I’m more in the center of the state. You know in the really flat, boring part.
lisaqs last blog post..Thou Shalt Not Smother