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Please Don’t Compliment Me Anymore!
Dear Big, Sloppy Man With Bad Teeth,
I realize that you think you were paying me a compliment when you approached me in the grocery store to tell me that I’m very beautiful for my age. That in itself would have been enough. Really, it would have been. But then you went on to add that you even asked your wife, because that’s the kind of relationship you have, if I wasn’t just beautiful for an older woman. I have to tell you that put it over the top for me.
You know those commercials where there is a man interviewing another and the interviewee says it makes him wonder what else he doesn’t know? Usually it’s something like that he’s wearing a mullet or some such silly thing. Well, hon, you should be setting in that seat because there’s something you don’t know. Never, ever pay a woman a bacward compliment! Ever!
Seriously. If you feel the need to approach a woman in a grocery store, or Walmart or the gym (or wait you would never be in the gym), to pay a compliment, you need to stop with beautiful. Adding ‘for your age’ or ‘for an older woman’ completely negates the beautiful part. Uh huh. Truth is the only thing that kept me from completely letting loose on your ass was that we were in a very public place with several other people watching. I did not have time to deal with store security.
I know. It sounds a little silly, but the truth is no woman wants to be told she’s beautiful with a qualifier. Wouldn’t I be beautiful if I were younger? And really, I’m not a hundred and ten for Christ’s sake! I’m only forty frickin’ five. Hardly ready to be put out to pasture any time soon!
It would be something like me telling you that you are very handsome except for your big sloppy gut or your bad teeth. See my point? Perhaps, since you have such a fabulous relationship with your wife, this is something see could give you some pointers on.
Thank you for your time. The next time you see me in the grocery store, don’t feel like you need to go out of your way to compliment me again. Just keep on depleting the salad bar of all of its contents and call it good.
Sincerely,
BOWIGS (Beautiful Older Woman In Grocery Store)
saneandsingle September 14th, 2008, 12:28 pm
That man doesn’t eat salad! You don’t get a sloppy look like that from salad! LOL
Seriously, I hate backhanded compliments of any kind! I’m pretty smart for a woman with big boobs! Did you know that?
saneandsingles last blog post..We set the date!
Brad K. September 14th, 2008, 10:33 pm
LisaQ, I am not sure what you are concerned about - that he got away without a keeper, that he was off his medication, or that he lives in such a constrained and repressive environment, that he might think he was .. what? .. maybe sharing his arousal at your stunning appearance?
What in the world was his wife doing, letting him make propositions like that? Walking up to a woman and expressing appreciation of her appearance is way beyond casual flirting - it is right next to adultery. The lameness of his comment was much less important that a) he was making sexual innuendoes; b) he is attached; and more interesting, c) he makes the proposition before his proposal was unwanted.
This was not polite conversation; it was inappropriate. He might have wolf-whistled (i.e., acted like an animal), he might have flashed his genitals. It was all one and the same - rude. Perhaps treatable or criminal. Whatever.
The older comment probably was because of his fixation on his lost youth.
I suggest that one retort might have gone something like: “Golly, that felt rude. I wasn’t aware I had asked you to comment on my appearance, my age, or your relationship status. Please convey my condolences to your wife.”
lisaq September 15th, 2008, 5:50 am
Not even kidding sane and single. He & his big sloppy wife & friend were attacking the salad bar. Ruined my dinner. And I hear ya. They should just say nothing.
Not worried BradK. Disgusted and offended, yes. Worried, no. I definitely like the condolences retort. I’ll be using that one if I find myself in a similar situation again.
Honey September 15th, 2008, 11:16 am
LisaQ, once I saw a guy at a bar that I’d e-mailed on Match who never e-mailed me back. I went up to him to say hi and that I’d recognized him from the site, and he was like, “Oh, you’re much prettier in person! I would have e-mailed you back if I’d known!” I said, “If I’d known you were an asshole I wouldn’t have e-mailed you in the first place!” And that was that…
SinfullyAnon September 15th, 2008, 2:11 pm
I’m shy….
..usually, I’ll just make an offhand comment
upon the firmness of green bananas. [j/k];…
however, humor does help, if you’re thin as a rail,
and you want your target “attractor” to look beyond
your waist size.
I wish I was in the Grocery store when you were there.
Do you like banannas, btw.
~x~SinfullyAnon
lisaq September 16th, 2008, 6:26 am
Haha Honey! Nicely done!
I love bananas Sinfully. Hehe…
lisaqs last blog post..Is a Failed Relationship Really a Failure?
SinfullyAnon September 21st, 2008, 12:21 am
See!
I was so excited, in anticipation
of your answer, I spelled “banana” wrong.
(Who would’ve ever guessed I worked in Safeway~~lol!)
ZZZzzzz! xx
Carol September 21st, 2008, 9:56 am
*giggles* I have heard similar things so many times that I have come back with my own brand of facetiousness. Nothing tears apart a mid-twenties man more than making his moves on a ‘hot, older woman” than that woman saying something positive to put him in his place. You know, “aw, thanks…my last boyfriend was about your age but he swore I was hot for ANY age!” Kind of lets them know they missed the boat.
I am with you. A compliment with a disclaimer of any sort is not a compliment.
lisaq September 21st, 2008, 10:01 am
Hey Sinfully what was it you were saying about sleep deprivation? I didn’t even notice you spelled banana wrong. I need some ZZZ’s…badly!
Carol I absolutely love it and am sooooooo going to use that line the very next time…and it will. *sigh*
lisaqs last blog post..Men Come and Go…Friendships Are Forever