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Can This Relationship Survive the Distance?
Yesterday Kira wrote about long distance relationships. As it turns out, my relationships with TDIB is just that. He lives in Wichita is about 90 miles from Map Dot. It’s the same place Kira lives and where NB moved soon after they started dating.
Anyway, it works for us…mostly. There are times when it frustrates me. Times like this weekend when my BFF blew me off and I had to cancel plans to see him. That’s happened twice and it sucks. There are also times when he’s had to cancel due to work obligations or issues with his son. Now I realize that happens in many relationships. The difference is when you live in the same town, rescheduling isn’t so much of an issue. For us it can be.
The other issue for me is that, because of the distance and the cancellations, this thing is moving uber slow. I mean there’s slow, and then there’s slower than frickin’ molasses and we definitely qualify for the slower than molasses category. But I can deal with that most of the time.
The problem now is the distance is about to get much greater. You see, on top of my foiled weekend plans this weekend, TDIB also told me that he is moving to Tulsa. Ninety miles just became 264. An hour and 15 minute drive just became four hours. Ugh.
And I don’t know. I don’t know if I can deal. It would be different if we were comitted in an exclusive LTR, but we’re not. We haven’t gotten there yet. We are still in the early stages of seeing each other and haven’t reached that point where either of us is ready for that. If we were still going to be 90 miles apart, we might get there. At 264 miles, it seems a little out of reach.
We really rarely get to see each other now and, while it’s relatively easy for me to jump in the car and drive to Wichita, jumping in the car and driving to Tulsa is a whole other thing. Not as easy. Not as doable.
And I’m not even sure I want to try. Not that I don’t like him. I do. A lot. I can see myself comitting to a LTR with him. Just maybe not under these circumstances. So they question of the day is can this relationship survive the distance? The short answer is I just don’t know.
Thoughts?
Brad K. September 11th, 2008, 8:51 am
You left out the really important part of the move. Tulsa is in Oklahoma. ‘Cowboy country’ Oklahoma. I live in Northern Oklahoma, and Oklahoma is different. This strikes me again, each time I drive to the Kingman, KS Draft Horse Sale. Nuff said.
Seriously, this makes twice that he has placed his career above being with you. He may not think of it that way, but he wouldn’t be considering a move - and you wouldn’t be allowing it - if you were a couple. It may be time to cry, tell each other you will miss being together, and ‘promise to write’ wink, wink.
When you do drive to Tulsa, be *sure* to buy the book-type city street maps. You really need all the help you can get to find your way in Tulsa. Get off the Interstate, and *Whoo!*
Luck from Oklahoma!
Honey September 11th, 2008, 11:41 am
Brad, I don’t think that you can blame the guy for placing his career over a *recent* relationship that, due to distance, hasn’t even been given a chance to gain steam. Lance and I dated for about a year and we broke up when I moved for grad school. I wasn’t about to give up on my educational dreams. He wasn’t about to give up a career he was really enjoying. A year isn’t necessarily even long enough to know for sure whether a relationship will work long term (though sometimes it can be). That’s life, and we’re still close friends.
Lisaq, all you can really do is keep him in your life but be open to the capacity in which he’s in it. Perhaps he’s a FWB that you visit occasionally. Perhaps he’s a close friend and you start dating other people. Just because a relationship doesn’t end with walking down the aisle doesn’t mean it was a failure, and we can’t always overcome circumstances. Perhaps you finally leave Map Dot. Seriously, why do you stay? I would LOVE to see a post about what keeps you there, when the (admittedly limited) things that I know about you suggest that you are far too awesome and cosmopolitan for such a place?
lisaq September 11th, 2008, 3:48 pm
BradK, you know I agree with most of what you said. To be fair, I’ve known that there was a possibility of him moving from the beginning. It just didn’t seem like the job was really going to pan out…and then it did. To be very honest, I had kind of forgotten about the whole thing until he mentioned he had a meeting with the people coming up. That being said, I guess the thing that struck me when I read your comment was that, for him, knowing he might move made him unavailable to me relationship-wise from the beginning. In other words, it’s doubtful that he ever really considered it at all. Why bother if you’re not going to be around right? Instead, perhaps I was just someone to kill time with until the move. Of course, that’s speculation on my part but it feels as if it could be the case. Oh and don’t even ask about my last trip to Oklahoma. Ever been to Paul’s Valley? Yikes!
Honey, I completely agree. I certainly wasn’t looking for a trip down the aisle especially not this early, and I absolutely agree that it wasn’t a failure. I’ve learned many things about dating and about myself in these last few months with him. Things I’m very grateful for, things that will help me be successful in the next relationship. It was perfect for me when it came along. It’s something I’ll remember and cherish for a long time. There’s no bitterness, no hardly feelings, just a little sadness. There are so many reasons I stay in Map Dot. Now that I think about it, I will write a post about just that. Look for it next week. And thank you. You rock. Hard.
craze September 11th, 2008, 4:45 pm
That’s tough. Maybe you can just go with the flow for awhile and see how things transpire.
auntiegwen September 11th, 2008, 4:48 pm
Talk about bad timing !
lisaq September 11th, 2008, 7:55 pm
Yeah Craze. I think that’s pretty much what I’m going to do. I had thought for awhile maybe it was better to cut my losses now, but I actually just got off the phone with him. He wants to see me this weekend and I had already planned to be in Wichita next weekend for Kira’s birthday, so maybe we’ll just play it by ear for awhile.
Yeah huh Gwen. Just my damn luck!
saneandsingle September 13th, 2008, 4:55 pm
Hmm…that’s a tough one! It sounds like you’ve already made your decision though. You can’t fault the guy for taking a job that he already knew about from the beginning of your relationship. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck either though!
saneandsingles last blog post..We set the date!
lisaq September 14th, 2008, 8:10 am
Yeah sane and single, except I keep changing it! I saw him last night and feel confused just now. I honestly don’t know what I want to do. Ugh!
lisaqs last blog post..Please Don’t Compliment Me Anymore!