20-forty.comBecause love isn't always 20/20!
Relationships Are About Compromise, Love Isn’t
I first read “Romeo and Juliet” in my high school freshman English class. What struck me the most about the play was how fast the couple seemed to fall in love. My teacher, Mrs. Bastin, explained it in a way that still echoes in my head. She said “they were in love with love.” After hearing it put that way, I was, and still am, able to relate the infamous place to real life.
Everyday people get married because it is “the right thing to do” or “the next step.” For some, marriage even seems to be a goal. I myself hope to get married someday but I want it to happen because I am in love and want to spend the rest of my life with that person, not because I imagine marriage to be a fairytale or an obtainable goal. I imagine many people get married because they believe that the honeymoon will be everlasting.
Movies often idealize marriage and relationships. They brainwash us into thinking that relationships are always perfect and full of bliss when, in reality, they take time, effort, and patience. Idealizing relationships helps to promote being “in love with love” and causes many people to make compromises where they shouldn’t have to. Perhaps this is why so many people rush into marriage only to end up divorced and/or miserable.
One of my best friends got married last year. She and her husband were together for about 5 months before her proposed, at her request. She wanted to be married so badly that she went out, picked out a ring, and then asked him to buy it and propose to her. He obliged and now she finds herself bored with the marriage. I have asked her on occasion how the married life is and she will just sigh and say “its ok, nothing exciting.” It has become obvious to me that she is one who was “in love with love” and “settled” just so she could achieve her dream of being married.
I have always believed that relationships are about compromise but love isn’t. We should have to compromise on what is the correct way to fold the towels or where to put the television but not on our happiness. No marriage or relationship is perfect or consistently exciting but always being bored or unhappy in the relationship is a big red flag. If you ever have to wonder if you would be happy by yourself or with someone else, you shouldn’t be in the relationship, period. It is not right to stay in a relationship because you are in love with the idea of what that relationship represents.
As much as I don’t like the tv show “The Hills,” I watched it with my sister and roommate the other night. The main character, Lauren, broke it off with the guy she was seeing because, she said, ” I shouldn’t have to settle.” She is right. We shouldn’t have to enter into or stay in a relationship that we aren’t completely comfortable and happy in.
While it would be nice to believe that every relationship can be as romantic as “Romeo and Juliet” or as some movies portray, it isn’t always. We can’t go into a relationship or a marriage with the idea that it will be a constant honeymoon or we only set ourselves up for disappointment. Enter into a relationship or a marriage because you can’t imagine life without the other person not because you are “in love with love” and don’t want to be alone forever. Don’t compromise where love is concerned.
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
saneandsingle September 7th, 2008, 8:43 am
No one should settle. I haven’t settled, as lonely as I am. I know how it feels to be lonely WITH someone too. If you don’t truly love and care about your significant other, you won’t be any happier in the relationship.
saneandsingles last blog post..Not So Sane
Honey September 8th, 2008, 9:27 am
You have to define what things are non-negotiable–that’s what constitutes “settling” for each individual, I think. But yes, settling equals unhappiness or the relationship ending (and isn’t fair to the other person, either).
Honey September 8th, 2008, 9:30 am
You have to define what things are non-negotiable–that’s what constitutes “settling” for each individual, I think. But yes, settling equals unhappiness or the relationship ending (and isn’t fair to the other person, either). Or even if that relationship lasts, look how many relationships your friend has had to end in its place. How is that healthy?
craze September 8th, 2008, 9:51 am
Being in love with love isn’t a bad thing unless it’s clouding your vision and you search for someone with that purpose. I want to be in love and I want to get married someday but as the others have said I’m not about to settle. I want to fall in love with my best friend. Someone that makes me happy, smile, and laugh. Someone I can be ME with. If I find that, then awesome, if I don’t, I’ll stay single.
crazes last blog post..TGIF!
cheekie September 8th, 2008, 1:33 pm
I agree with what both Honey and Craze have said.
I love love. Absolutely. I love lust, and infatuation too.
But, I think as you get older you begin to appreciate the friendship side of it more, and therefore all those ‘ho hum’ moments, the ones where you are watching tv all day in your jammies together. Or even those day to day disagreements and figuring out what to have for dinner (why is that always so bloody hard?)…well you start to see that that is part and parcel of the deal. And not so bad. In fact, it’s rather nice.
It isn’t a sign that you have a ‘boring’ relationship or a broken one.
Never settle, but make sure your expectations are reasonable first, then decide if it’s what you want.