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Why I Don’t Owe You a Reply…
Dear Online Dater Dude,
While I’m flattered that my profile, or more likely, my picture interest you and I appreciate that you took the time to email me, that act does not place any responsibility on me whatsoever. If I email you back, I’m interested. If I don’t, I’m not. It’s that simple.
Your email didn’t get lost or accidentally deleted. I’m not letting it sit there and ferment while I craft the perfect reply. I’m not so busy that I didn’t have time to reply. I’m just, very simply, not interested.
I realize that you may be under the mistaken idea that I owe you a reply telling you that I’m not interested, but the truth is I owe don’t owe you jack crap. I mean seriously, why would I email you to tell you I’m not interested when the lack of a reply obviously conveys the same message.
Think about it this way. If I had been the one to email someone, say you, and you didn’t reply, I’d be like, “Hey! Online Dater Dude isn’t interested. Okie dokie.” Then I’d go about my day. Very easy. Very simple. Very understandable.
‘Cause see, here’s the problem. Many times when we email to say we’re not interested the person who expressed interest in the first place (that would be you), seems to think a) that they can change our mind or b) that we owe them an explanation as to why. Neither of these is true. If I’m not interested, you can’t sell yourself to me. You’re not a used Mercedes or a pair of Jimmy Choo’s I just have to have. Sorry. You’re just not.
As for the explanation as to why, really? You really want me to explain why you don’t do it for me? Do you thrive on rejection or are you just a glutton for punishment? Besides, sometimes ‘it just doesn’t click for me’ really means it just doesn’t click for me.
And the truth of the matter is, I’ve had enough of these email conversations to last me a lifetime. I’m a busy girl. I don’t have time to justify myself to you or try to soothe your over-inflated ego or have a month long conversation with someone I’m obviously not interested in.
So here’s the bottom line. No reply=no interest. Repeat it to yourself to make sure you understand. Sending a second email is a waste of your time and mine. Plus, it annoys the crap out of me. Go on with your day. Find someone else you like and email them. And remember, if they don’t reply, they’re not interested.
Thank you,
ODCWNIIY (Online Dater Chick Who’s Not Interested In You)
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Tiffany August 26th, 2008, 8:26 am
Considering the psychological analysis that sometimes occurs when we “fail” to respond to a comment on a blog post or an unsolicited email soliciting a link exchange, I can only imagine how extreme this might be in the dating world.
Brad K. August 26th, 2008, 9:36 am
To “Online Dater Dude” – expect a reply when you ask a friend a question.
When you write someone with a public presence – you are being a fan. Unless you send money (lots of money) don’t expect a reply. People with an public presence include your supermodel-appearing neighbor, President Bush, Madonna, LisaQ, Hilary Rodham Clinton (the ex-president’s wife), Brad Pitt, and Ulysses S. Grant’s horse.
Hint A used car salesman will *always* reply to anything, and sell your name and address to his buddy salesmen in insurance, loans, satellite TV, used TV’s and loans to buy a computer. That is who you can *expect* a reply to any email.
You have to know a person to make their offer of a date something reasonable, something more mature than a second grader begging the pretty girl in the next row to marry him.
If you want an online date, check out eHarmony.com, Match.com, FriendFinders.com, or AdultFriendFinders.com (but I *do not* want to hear how it comes out at AFF).
craze August 26th, 2008, 10:32 am
Take a hint already – if you don’t get a reply they aren’t interested. It’s that simple.
crazes last blog post..Back in the saddle again
Honey August 26th, 2008, 12:29 pm
Hip hip, hooray for this blog post!
Honeys last blog post..Mansformation Weekend Testimonial
auntiegwen August 26th, 2008, 3:37 pm
Well, that’s cleared that up then !
auntiegwens last blog post..auntiegwen goes to Dublin
saneandsingle August 26th, 2008, 7:21 pm
I don’t understand people who think that you have respond to every email sent! Like you said, if you get no reply it says the same thing as “I’m not interested.”
I have friends who respond to every message they get. I find it to be an incredible waste of time. I only reply to those I’m finding interesting in some way.
saneandsingles last blog post..Texting=NO SEX!!
lisaq August 27th, 2008, 5:58 am
It can get outta hand Tiffany, that’s for sure!
Makes sense I suppose BradK although I’m not sure public presence is accurate when talking about an online dating profile. It applies here in the sense that you used it, but maybe not there.
Haha Craze! Amen sister!
Thanks Honey!
Haha! Yep, Gwen. I suppose it is!
I agree Sane. Such a waste of time. Like you, I only reply to the interesting ones.
lisaqs last blog post..Say What?!
SINgleGIRL September 6th, 2008, 10:38 am
LOVE IT!!!!
I guess it would be rude if I cut and pasted this into my online personals autoreply?
SINgleGIRLs last blog post..Dating in the Slow Lane
lisaq September 7th, 2008, 5:00 pm
Haha…probably SINgleGIRL, probably!
lisaqs last blog post..Relationships Are About Compromise, Love Isn’t
Geckoman March 11th, 2009, 3:52 am
Great post, really help me a lot. Thanks
Gina March 26th, 2009, 2:45 pm
Hooray! And… did you ever see the profiles where you are reading… they don’t sound half bad by at the end they have something like “If I take the time out to write to you, you can at least respond back”… you know their tools right there. I mean, I would be sort of insulted if I wrote a guy online and he responded back with an email “not interested” … people really are interesting creatures to want to be outwardly rejected, or more so — I think they beleive that they are so great that there must be something wrong with the other person and they owe them something!
single Asian women September 1st, 2010, 9:43 am
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