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Telling Your Friend You Don’t Like Their Partner
Right on the heels of Friends Don’t Let Friends Date Stupid, I found this video clip about telling your friend that you don’t like their partner.
As relationship expert Rebecca Harris says your friends are going to see what they want to see…especially in the first stages of a relationship. Ms. Harris says that, in fact, there is only one instance when you should tell your friend how you feel about their partner, and that is only if your friend specifically asks whether you like them.
If you really compelled to share your opinion and observations, if you fear your friend is being abused or your friend asks, here are the important things to remember.
- Always make sure that you are far enough in your friendship that you have credibility.
- Say it kindly.
- Say things like, “I might be wrong here.”
- Be prepared for them to get angry and be prepared to stay calm if that happens.
- Never make them choose between you & their partner.
- And, I might add, be aware that your friend might completely dismiss what you are saying.
Believe me I know what a tightrope this can be to walk. And sometimes, it may be more about your friend, which was the case in Friends Don’t Let Friends Date Stupid, than about their partner. Perhaps you don’t feel, for whatever reason, that your friend is ready for a relationship or that she is jumping into a relationship too quickly. The bottom line is the same. The conditions are the same and the way to handle it is the same.
It’s difficult when we see our friends put themselves in a position where they might be hurt and, as their friend, that’s the last thing we want to see.
Thoughts?
saneandsingle August 17th, 2008, 12:24 pm
This very topic came between me and my best friend years ago. I didn’t feel that the guy she was dating was good enough for her. He was a nice guy, but he wasn’t “responsible” in other areas that are important in a long term relationship.
She asked what I thought of him, and I was honest. She and I had been BFF’s for years! But we grew apart after that and didn’t really speak for about a year. We have repaired our friendship now, and she is married to the man. I still believe what I said. Deep down, I think she does too.
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auntiegwen August 17th, 2008, 6:11 pm
Some of my really lovely friends are married to guys who treat them like crap. I get so incensed on their behalf. These husbands think I am some kind of mad feminist on a crusade but I absolutely hate unfairness. They deserve better.
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Loving Annie August 17th, 2008, 10:06 pm
A real friend tells the truth - as tactfully as possible. Love/lost can make someone blind - and a genuine friend assists you to see clearly - and then make choices from that.
Loving Annies last blog post..What I Like Best
lisaq August 18th, 2008, 5:59 am
Yep, I definitely answer when asked sane and single. It’s the reception I have to come to terms with.
It sucks huh Gwen. It leaves you feels helpless. G’s ex did the same to me, talked crap on me to her and made me out to be some kind of monster. She knew better though and didn’t buy into what he said…if only she had taken that for the sign it was…
It’s a hard one Loving Annie, but I definitely agree with you!
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