Comments on: Winning the Fallback Girl Fight

By: lisaq

lisaq — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 11:00:53 +0000

Thanks Gwen! I definitely think we’re getting there. Yay us!

lisaqs last blog post..How Many is Too Many?

By: auntiegwen

auntiegwen — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 23:08:37 +0000

Well done you. It’s a long tough fight but maybe we are actually getting there.

auntiegwens last blog post..Smile, Mummy

By: lisaq

lisaq — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 12:28:00 +0000

Thanks Loving Annie! I really appreciate that! I definitely know that, if necessary, I can’t put him in his place.

At this point Brad K, I don’t think those words are necessary. I think doing so would actually cause the hostility. I’m totally fine to let things be as they are. Now, if he tries to cross the line again, then that’s different. If it begins to feel like harassment, then I’ll absolutely contact HR.

Thanks Honey!

Haha Sane and Single! Crazy crap huh? I definitely am moving on. The greatest thing is that I feel a shift and change within myself. I know that I have grown and made progress. It feels damn good!

lisaqs last blog post..Winning the Fallback Girl Fight

By: saneandsingle

saneandsingle — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 18:20:13 +0000

Wow…we have been leading parallel lives, huh? I’m glad you are moving on!

By: Honey

Honey — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 17:21:51 +0000

Amen to you Lisa, and I think Brad K. is right on the money!

Honeys last blog post..The Weekly: Paris Hilton and John Edwards Edition

By: Brad K.

Brad K. — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 15:19:29 +0000

I can’t help thinking you left out the three magic words. “Stop harassing me.” No anger, no emphasis, no repeat. Get up and shut the door, turn around and walk away, whatever.

If there is a next casual encounter, walk or phone HR, and report your unhappiness with his intimate demeanor. Admit you had dated, it hadn’t worked out, and he still, this phrase is OSHA and important, “creates a sexually hostile work place for me.” Do *not* warn the guy you will report his behavior, do not apologize to anyone - HR messed up big time.

OSHA applies to all workplaces, including schools. HR, administration - everyone in authority is responsible for making everyone aware of a sexual harassment policy that includes not harassing anyone. He harasses you, he didn’t get the message, his *supervisor* is incompetent with getting that particular word to that particular guy. That is *not* your fault.

But at work you do have a responsibility. You create an environment that invites harassment by failing to report incidents. You don’t stop date-rape by failing to report it, you encourage harassment (and the attendant loss of work time, loss of attention to mission, loss of good people leaving to find escape) by failing to let your supervisor, HR, or someone in the system know that it is happening.

A first incident should get him a warning (not from you!), and his department should repeat the ‘no harassing’ policy. If he doesn’t understand professional behavior, there are rules and supervisors and administrators tasked with ensuring he has the tools to learn.

As I say, three magic words at work.

By: Loving Annie

Loving Annie — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 14:07:03 +0000

Lisa,
Congratulations on being able to see him as he really is, so self-centered and unavailable, and that freeing you to be over him !

You did escape, and now you see how lucky you were to do so and why. And with it came that great feeling of having the balls to easily put him in his place if he tries any of his b.s. again.

You can indeed do anything you set your mind to
Loving Annies last blog post..I’m A Comment Slut…