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Liar Liar
A while back my mom wrote a post (Click here to read orginal post) about a date that I had with a guy that seemed to be really great. We had a 7 hour long phone conversation and stood in the rain for 3 hours chatting. We hit it off really well, or so I thought.
After the date, I barely heard from him. I finally asked if he just wanted me to leave him alone, he said no and acted shocked that I would asked such a thing. I continued not to hear from him. I just recently found out why he acted so strange and essentially blew me off and I have to say, I don’t think she is very cute.
It isn’t the fact that I was blown off for another girl that bothers me, it is the dishonesty. If you don’t want to date me, see me, or ever talk to me again, that is fine; I’m a big girl, I can handle it. What I can’t handle is someone telling me that nothing is wrong, leading me to believe that there is still some possibility of getting to know each other when there isn’t.
“Guys have a special gift for ambiguity. Maybe it’s because they grow up using sign language on the baseball field and basketball court. They never seem to learn that taking a girl out to dinner, buying her a rose, and then not calling her for four days is not a clear way to communicate one’s level of interest.” -Alison James
Gentlemen and ladies alike, know that not only is the truth easier to remember, most people would rather be disappointed by the truth than a lie. Leading people on confuses them and can also make them think they did something wrong or that something is wrong with them personally. There is no sense in giving people a false hope. It benefits no one and, quite frankly, pisses me off. Remember, THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!
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Brad K. August 13th, 2008, 9:07 am
On the other hand, quietly slipping off into the night leaves a bit of mystery. And it definitely avoids an emotional tantrum.
When the guy slips away, perhaps that means the girl isn’t a floor mat that invites being walked on. Whether she is dramatic, arrogant, or loyal, the guy risks retaliation if he steps up and says, “I am not interested that much. I would rather be away from you than with you. Goodbye.” If he has already lost interest, the relationship is over for him. And he has nothing invested in making the parting easier for her. Why would he stick around long enough to end it? What can she give him that he is interested in, when he considers the relationship to be over?
I think our culture has trained people, not just men, to be weasels about being there when their partner discovers they have been abandoned.
Brad K.s last blog post..Just go away!
Loving Annie August 13th, 2008, 12:27 pm
The truth is precious and it stinks when a guy is ambiguous or lies and leads someone on.
Brad’s analysis was cruelly accurate.
Communication is crucial – it’d be nice to know when you met someone whether they had it in them to be a good communicator or not BEFORE you got treated so disrespectfully. And yes, that goes for women as well. It is equal. If you’re done, be decent enough to say so.
craze August 13th, 2008, 1:40 pm
Many women have had to deal with this very typical behavior. Instead of pondering or being frustrated with a man’s apparant inability to just come out and say things aren’t clicking for him I’ve taken another approach. It’s like the quote your mom gave, the best advise for dating women is not to listen to what he says but what he does. I’ve ingrained in to my mind the words of wisdome from Greg Behrendt, He’s Just Not That Into You – a man would rather be trampled my elephants than to just come out and say it’s not working and he doesn’t want to see you anymore. Why? Who the hell knows but we shouldn’t waste any of our precious time pondering it any longer. If a man is interested in you, he WILL show it.
crazes last blog post..Hola!
kira August 13th, 2008, 1:44 pm
What Brad says is cruelly accurate but that doesn’t make it right. I myself have some communication issues that I am working on but I do my best not to give people an invalid sense of the way things are. In the situation I ranted on, he literally said that he wanted to keep talking to me and then didn’t. That, my friends, was a flat out lie. I would have rather had no response at all than a false sense of hope.
Honey August 13th, 2008, 2:25 pm
I had a guy once tell me (after dating for I think 2 months) that the more and more he got to know me, the less and less interested he was in continuing to do so. Over the PHONE. While I was driving in the CAR. I remember that a lot more vividly (and with more negative emotional reaction) than any guy who just didn’t call when he said he would.
But I saw him 4 years later at a restaurant and I have to say, the guy I ended up with is a lot cuter
Honeys last blog post..Work, Circadian Rhythms, and Sex Drive
Will August 13th, 2008, 9:58 pm
Well. That explains a lot.
I never was that interested in playing baseball, or basketball (Marfan’s limited my sporting activities.) Therefore, it seems, possible that I may have compensated by being much more in tune with others [no sign language for me!:0]…
..I can’t stand people who are shady~~(if they’re “slim” that’s ok..it’s “Shady” I don’t like!)
In every life Kira, you’re bound to run across people who lie for all kinds of reasons.
(I’m hearing the song, “Honesty,” by Billy Joel, playing)
You’re right. It’s still the best policy..There are better ways to say good-bye. This guy lost a potential friend.
You are much better off without him.
Great post, as always.
~x~Will
Wills last blog post..p.s.! (see post below this one…)
saneandsingle August 16th, 2008, 1:40 pm
This is one of my pet peeves in dating. If you aren’t interested, just let me know! As you said, “I’m a big girl. I can handle it.”
And yes, I’d rather be hurt by the truth than to find out someone lied to me. Then not only am I hurt, I dislike that person for who he/she really is! This goes for romantic relationships and friendships alike.
saneandsingles last blog post..Updates on the FWB and the LD Man
Hot Alpha Female August 22nd, 2008, 12:57 am
Well girl,
I think that its good that you found out the final reason why he did that to you.
At the end of the day he is a coward and why would you want to have anything to do with that?
Like i said before … even if you didn’t find out what the real reason was ….
It was not your fault and there is nothing that you did wrong.
You are doing and great …. and im sure that is a really good guy out there who will appreciate you for all that you are =)
Hot Alpha Female
Hot Alpha Females last blog post..The ONE Man That All Women LOVE!
lisaq August 22nd, 2008, 5:55 am
You got that right HAF! He IS a coward and not someone Kira would want in her life anyway. It’s good to know what the hell was really going on.
lisaqs last blog post..Men are like….