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Creating Drama Where None Exists
For the fallback girl, this may be one of the very hardest things to do. NML always likens drama to relationship crack for fallback girls. She’s so right! We are so addicted to it, so used to it running our lives, that we create it if it’s not there.
TV & Reality Meet
I’ll admit to you that Lifetime TV’s Army Wives is one of those shows I never miss. It touches me usually to the point of tears. On Sunday’s episode Emmalin Holden, daughter of Claudia Joy & General Michael Holden, is a 16-year-old with a new boyfriend.
Emmalin has struck up a friendship with Dr. Roland Burton, a civilian psychiatrist married to Lt. Colonel Joan Burton, after the death of her sister. She is worried a bit about the new boyfriend really liking her and tells Roland that she knows he’s way out of her league. She says with surprise, “He’s way out of my league and he likes me. I feel like it’s some kind of dream, and I’m going to wake up.”
Roland replies that he doesn’t think anyone’s out of her league and that he thinks she’s at the top of her game.
Emmalin replies that she’s afraid she’s going to blow it and that she’s always checking her texts, her email and her phone to make sure he still likes her.
Roland says, “Take your hand off of the SOS button, Emmalin. These things have their own time table. Enjoy it.”
I can so relate to Emmalin’s dilema. Though I hope she’s not already a 16-year-old fallback girl, I see signs of myself in that short conversation. After so many years of relationships with EUMs and low self esteem and drama, it’s really hard to trust.
It’s About Trust
And I’m not just talking about trusting men. I’m talking about trusting yourself, your own judgment. I’ve mentioned TDIB before. He’s fabulous. He’s honest, he’s decent, and he’s probably the most emotionally available man I’ve met in years.
The thing is that I’m so used to drama and the hot, hot, hot pursuit of EUMs that it’s sometimes difficult for me to trust and not create drama where none exists. Cheekie will tell you that there have been many conversations where she begins with, “Okay. Breathe.” And when I calm down and get rational, I realize she’s right. I realize that all of the drama is of my own making and that it’s my own old crap getting in my way.
Creating the Drama Out of Thin Air
You see, TDIB has never given me a reason not to trust him or a reason not to believe he’s interested in me. Quite the opposite in fact. On the night of our first date, he called after we said our goodbyes and told me he wasn’t ready for the evening to end. He emails and/or calls on a pretty regular basis and we have a wonderful time together.
So, what I have to do is follow NML’s Drama Reduction 12 Step Program as detailed in Part 3 of Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl and learn to trust…both in men and in myself. I know red flags. I’ve seen and ignored more of them than most women ever come across. If one was there, I’d know it. I might ignore it, but I’d know it. Kidding, no more ignoring red flags for this fallback girl.
Step Away From the Button
Later in Sunday’s Army Wives episode, Emmalin is talking to her mom, Claudia Joy, about the boy and how she saw him with another girl. Reassuring Emmalin that maybe this girl is just a friend, Claudia Joy encourages her daughter to simply ask him. Of course, Emmalin says she can’t. Claudia Joy responds with, “You’re right. Assume the worst. Be miserable. I’ll get junk food.”
Point taken. Assuming the worst and being miserable are the things drama is made of. Isn’t it time to take your hand off the SOS button and just enjoy it? I know it is for me.
Thoughts?
Loving Annie August 5th, 2008, 9:24 am
Very good point. Well taken, and perfect timing.
With NML and Cheekie as friends, you are in good company.
I hope I meet my own TDIB soon
Loving Annies last blog post..I’m Angry - Is it Safe to Say so ?
cheekie August 5th, 2008, 9:55 am
It’s true. 99% of the time we create this world of bs, that frankly the guys have NO clue we have created.
What then happens is a manifest destiny type of thing where our behaviour changes, our attitude changes…
Trust isn’t something earned. Trust is granted and taken away when necessary. We cannot continue to go into relationships with the thought that eventually these guys will hurt us, will screw around on us, will abandon us.
Just as you described with Emmalin, the nagging fear and insecurity can pretty much destroy it all.
Trust and love is a funny thing.
The more you blindly give it and put it out to the universe, the more it comes back to you tenfold.
Of course, if anyone gives you reason, concrete real reasons, to not trust or believe then you have to go from there.
But you are only hurting yourself when you go with that train of though from the outset.
and I believe you have told me to ‘Breathe’ on more than one occasion too baby…lol.
xo
cheekie August 5th, 2008, 9:55 am
and why the heck am i a weird triangle faced cartoon dude as my avatar??? lol…weird
cheekies last blog post..disconnect….
auntiegwen August 5th, 2008, 11:11 am
The man I have been seing for the last 6 weeks tells me I am the most impatient woman he has ever met. He too texts, calls and is so available to me and I am now trying to think of the calmness and effortlessness as a positive thing. I am too used to the crash and burn instant fall in love burn each other out dramas that have been my past. Have I been mistaking drama for passion ? Maybe this slow, get to know each other thing is a grown up way of dating and I am still stuck in my teenage ways.
auntiegwens last blog post..Just another Saturday
Honey August 5th, 2008, 8:36 pm
I have been guilty of the same thing, even when the BF and I started dating. It’s faded a bit after 2 years, but I still have those moments. We’re never *cured*, are we?
Honeys last blog post..Sex in the Backyard
lisaq August 6th, 2008, 5:40 am
Thanks Loving Annie! You’re so right! They are the best! I hope you meet someone soon too girl!
Yep, Cheekie, 99% of the time the drama is creating right in our very own brains. Hard habit to break, but one we so have to break!
The calmness and effortlessness is definitely a positive thing Gwen. Most of us just aren’t used to it. It’s outside our comfort zone so it doesn’t feel right.
No, Honey, I don’t think we really ever are. At least not to the point where we just sit back, relax and never ever deal with it again. I think it’s a process and, hopefully, at some point it becomes a part of who we were rather than who we are.
lisaqs last blog post..Wordless Wednesday-Fredrik Ljungberg edition