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Very Young Men and the Older Woman
Older women dating younger men has become a very popular dating trend. Cougars, as they are many times called, have discovered what Demi Moore and Susan Saradon have known for awhile. That there are many perks to dating younger men.
The half-your-age-plus-seven rule
In age-gap relationships, there is a rule which determines if it socially acceptable. The “half-your-age-plus-seven rule” says that you take the age of the older partner, divide it in half and then add seven. So, for example, I am 45. Divided by 2, and rounded up, that is 23. Add 7 and dating someone 30 or older is considered socially acceptable for me according to the rule.
Many people in older women, younger men relationships could care less what society thinks. Their focus, as it should be, is on their relationship. Though there are issues, as is the case with most non-traditional relationships, they are comfortable with the age gap.
Rules are meant to be broken
But what about the women in relationships with very young men? You’ve heard the old saying, “But I’m old enough to be your mom!” Yep, that whole Mrs. Robinson thing. What motivates a much older woman to date a very young man?
What it’s not
I did a little reading at Ageless Love which has a wonderful forum. One of the questions asked is this very one. The poster asks:
How do you know it isn’t a ‘mid life crisis’ for the older woman being flattered by the attention of a younger man, and a young man looking to begin possible his first relationship where he sees many traits of his mother that are both comforting and appealing?
Those who responded either have been or are currently in VYM, OW relationships. They assert that this is not the case. One responder said if it is a mid-life crisis, it has been a very long one as she and her VYM have been together a long time.
The same responder also said that the trick is to NOT mother them. The VYM does not want this. In fact, at one point her VYM said that he didn’t want to do to his mother what he wanted to do to her. Crude maybe, but on target.
The complications
The issue that runs through many age-gap relationships is where the two people are in life. For example, she may have grown children and he may still want babies. The thing is though that this is really just a people issue. The same may very well be true of two people of about the same age.
The important thing is, when searching for a partner, realizing that you need to be on the same page whether you are in an age-gap relationship or not.
The bottom line
What it really boils down to is finding the person you want to spend your life with regardless of age. No one denies there are challenges in the VYM/OW relationship, but the truth of the matter is that there are challenges in relationships…period.
As one responder at Ageless said, “I guess I don’t understand why it’s so hard to understand that two people out of the ordinary, can find each other, and just plain fall in love.”
Thoughts?
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Honey August 3rd, 2008, 12:31 pm
I used to date guys that were at least 5-7 years older than me (I think the biggest age gap was about 20 years). The big trouble I ran into was that most older guys who haven’t been married still want to have kids and that’s why they date a younger woman. However, most people want kids eventually so the fact that I didn’t want them at all makes me incompatible with most people (at least as far as LTRs). The BF doesn’t want kids either, and I have come to enjoy the fact that he is exactly my age and we remember the same cultural events (and that they even happened at the same point in our lives).
Honeys last blog post..How to Spot a Fake Match.com Profile
lisaq August 4th, 2008, 10:58 am
That makes a lot of sense Honey. You know I normally prefer to date younger men. Lately, however, I’ve been seeing a guy my age and I’m finding that I’m enjoying him very much for just the reason you mention. I’m also finding that I’m much more relaxed with him…like there’s less pressure with him and I can be comfortable being myself.
lisaqs last blog post..Very Young Men and the Older Woman
Hot Alpha Female August 5th, 2008, 2:21 am
Hi lisaq,
Omg this site is looking so great. I’m so sorry that i have missed the launch. Yes i have gotten all your emails, just be hectic busy lately!! SO i will send you a couple of posts when i catch a breather =)
Ok so in regards to this older younger thing. To this whole age thing in general. I think i have said this before, but what is more important than age is the actual maturity level of the guy.
I dont really like to date younger guys. But i would probably date a guy who is younger than me by a couple of years if i found out that he was really mature for his age.
In other words i would so date an 18 years old who thinks like a 30 year old. Than a 30 year old who thinks like an 18 year old.
Hot Alpha Females last blog post..Drugs Sex and Rock and Roll
lisaq August 5th, 2008, 5:35 am
Yay! We’re looking for to that HAF and so glad you stopped by!
You’re absolutely right. I know 20 year olds who are more mature than some 45 year olds and that is what matters. And those older guys who act so much younger suck!
lisaqs last blog post..Very Young Men and the Older Woman