20-forty.comBecause love isn't always 20/20!
Nobody Likes a Mouth Rapist
He is the sexiest man you’ve ever been in such close contact with. His eyes are reminiscent of Brad Pitt and his arms are perfectly sculpted. You can’t wait to feel his lips all over your body. He leans in and, for the first time, your lips connect – almost.
The next thing you know his mouth is engulfing half of your face and his tongue is frantically flipping around like a fish out of water. As if that isn’t bad enough, his hand behind your head is helping to push his face into yours causing his teeth to ram into you. It is all you can do not to turn and run.
I like to call kissers of this type “mouth rapists.” There is nothing worse than emerging from a kiss in pain and covered in slobber. In an attempt to rid the world of mouth rapists, here are some definite kissing DONT’S.
Kissing don’ts…
DON’T open your mouth so wide that my whole face gets lost in it. Kissing is meant for lips. This means that our lips should be touching and it is okay to not open your mouth all the way.
DON’T slobber on me. It is absolutely NOT okay to allow your drool to run down my chin. It makes me want to vomit on you.
DON’T press your teeth into my face. This hurts and makes me want to hit you. Nipping at my lip every now and then will drive me completely wild but that does not give you the right to abuse me with your pearly whites.
Enough about what not to do, let’s move on to what to do…
Kissing dos…
DO slow down. It isn’t a race and there is no need to dart your tongue around like the road runner escaping the coyote.
DO let me lead. I know what I want and if you would just slow down and let me guide you, there may be a chance for a second date.
DO alternate between closed lips and using your tongue.
DO run your fingers through my hair at the base of my neck. Be sure not to pull my hair too hard or use your hand to shove my face into yours.
Kissing is a vital part of a relationship and can often be a determining factor in whether or not things will go to the next level. Take your time and pay attention. Nobody likes a mouth rapist.
Kissing tips…
Nine kissing tips from Sex: How to do Everything.
1. Moisturize–chapped lips are a bummer.
2. Don’t lick your lips when going in for a kiss, lest you look like the Big Bad Wolf sizing up his next meal.
3. Use restraint when it comes to tongue (i.e. don’t ever think of kissing as “tonsil hockey”).
4. Create a crescendo by starting with no tongue at all, progressing to one tongue, and advancing to two.
5. Keep your tongue soft and flat, not pointy like an eel.
6. Gently suck or even nibble thier lower lip or the fleshy part of the earlobe, but only for a few seconds.
7. Do not run your tongue along their upper and lower gums as if trying to dislodge dentures.
8.Suck on their tongue–gently and with prudence. Not everyone’s a fan.
9. Keep your salivation in check–slopiness does not equate to passion.
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
Will July 28th, 2008, 10:33 pm
I’ve got the “Do’s” down!:)
(Mention of the earlobes, was nice to see.
A soft, brush, and a bit of tongue, really is nice.)
**
Great advice, all ’round.
A kiss, ideally, should be eased into..and,
progress into a shared merging…(slowly..gently:)
~x~Will
Wills last blog post..Amber’s Wedding Day Confession [Part Three]:
kira July 29th, 2008, 1:50 pm
Thanks Will! We are just doing our part to rid the world of mouth rapists! You are right, a kiss should be eased into and I don’t want to have to worry about being injured every time I go in for a smooch!