I so appreciate your detailing the good guy…the emotionally available guy. The guy that we really all want in our lives. I think sometimes we focus so much on the EUM that we forget what that guy is about when he’s the one we should be looking for. I’d rather be that girl walking around with a smile than any other girl in the world!

lisaqs last blog post..Very Young Men and the Older Woman

You state “Then, they wouldn’t be able to function in their world as they know it because it would be too uncomfortable.” There may be another reason.

They don’t know any better.

I don’t claim these guys aren’t responsible for the injuries they cause, for the dreams they shatter, for the pain they cause to those around them. They should be aware of the destruction and harm they cause, they should recognize what they are doing, and stop. But.

We don’t berate a color blind person for not telling green socks from red. They are physically unable to discern the difference (unless their SO sews labels inside each, which I have seen).

An EUM is living in a different emotional space than well adjusted people interested in a family or other long term relationship. Many EUM’s are what I call professional daters. Many are extremely experienced and talented at attracting bed companions, but their reason for hooking up is shallow – they want the excitement of a new bed mate. They aren’t looking for someone to build a life with. The want a ‘good date’.

Many EUM’s will be expert at figuring out what you want to hear, and convincing you that they are the right companion (for now). They don’t know anything more emotionally involved, they can’t see, don’t dream, can’t envision anything more meaningful than a life of a succession of ‘good dates’.

Many women (and non-EUM men) would rather have a ‘home with a family’ kind of security and emotional haven. That takes a ‘good’ man. Instead of easy words, provocative dress, slick moves, and hanging out at the right bar (the EUM), a good man will usually be living a life. His main characteristics will be honor, discipline, honesty, compassion, good with kids and small children (that is, the kids and small animals are better for having had time with him – this is *not* the same as ‘he didn’t blow up when the kids were around’). Doesn’t sound much like an exciting (ie, edge of danger) date, does it? Women that choose a good man seldom have much exciting to say about him. But the ones that I know smile more, for having a dependable life-mate.

Don’t pity an EUM. Like a drunk, they are dangerous to be around, and doing anything but confront them only enables continued bad behavior. (Confronting is never welcome, usually gets a bitter response, and almost never helps anyone. Sound familiar?)

With all the ’sex sells’ ads and fashion and TV and novels and whatnot, it is no wonder that women think they want the ’sexy’ guy. But the sexy guy is usually an EUM, with an eye on ‘good dates’. Don’t blame an EUM for his lack of understanding, for his inability to participate in a relationship, his deceit. His ‘be a man’ thingamabob was lamed. Like color blindness, cures are only fantasy.

Brad K.s last blog post..About her ex, “I was nothing but good to this man”

lisaqs last blog post..Very Young Men and the Older Woman

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