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What Is Going Slow Really?
No. Really. People say it all the time in dating…especially if you’ve had a recent break up or maybe a not so fabulous track record. Go slow. Okay. But what the hell does that really mean. In dating, what’s the real definition of ‘go slow?‘
Don’t get me wrong, especially for us fallback girls, it’s good advice. Many of us are hard wired to meet a man one day and, boom, be in a relationship the next. So I get that going too fast is a bad thing. Believe me. I do.
Here’s how I know it’s bad. Consider assclown #4. We met in April, moved in together in July, got engaged in September and married in December. Boom! Too fast! And, well, we all know how that turned out don’t we? So really, I understand not going too fast.
It’s the going slow thing I’m struggling with. Now, I do get part of it. The sex part. I understand enough to know jumping into bed in a New York minute is too fast. I got that. First date? No, bad. Second date. Probably not. Third date? Depends on who you talk to. Not until you’re exclusive? Maybe.
Okay, so despite what it sounds like I really do have the sex part down. I get it. It’s about comfort with the new guy and with the relationship. It’s about judging whether he’s real or Memorex. Lots of variables involved. Got it.
But what about outside of that? Because I think this is where I get lost. Let me try to explain.
You all know that I had a first date with TDIB a few weeks ago. Now, I am all about taking this one slow. My definition means that he and I exchange short, sweet emails almost daily. We’ve talked on the phone a handful of times. Nice phone calls of reasonable length. We are working at setting up seeing each other again hopefully this week. Slow. Right? We are taking our time getting to know each other and seeing where it all leads. Good. Right?
Now my girl G, on the other hand, has also met someone. Though I haven’t spent much time with him, he seems nice. All of us, G’s friends, are telling her to take it slow. Her relationship with a very nasty EUM only ended a few months ago. So, G has told the nice man she wants to take it slow. Yet, she talk to him daily on the phone and has seen him several times in the last couple of weeks.
Now, granted TDIB lives in Wichita…about an hour and a half drive from Map Dot. G’s dude is more local. So, I get that makes a difference. Both of us are claiming to take it slow, yet my slow feels like a frickin’ snail’s pace compared to G’s slow. And, as I told her yesterday, when she was telling me that she was going to see him last night and maybe again later in the week, I may have to play my bullshit card.
Why? It doesn’t seem slow. Then again maybe it’s because, as I said, I’m hella lost about what slow means. If you’re not sleeping with someone but still having at least one and maybe more phone conversations a day and seeing them a few times a week, is that slow? Or is almost daily emails and a few phone calls together with one date and one planned date slow?
Or does it really vary so much by person because I get that G & I are different people. The thing is though that we have similar childhood and relationship pasts. Do the differences make the difference or do the similarities determine the path?
Thoughts?
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