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Dating With Kids
“When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new, it almost winds up feeling more like a job interview.” Brad Paisley said it best in his hit song, “He Didn’t Have to Be.” Dating when there are kids involved can be a tricky path for everyone involved. It is hard for the parent, it is hard for their partner, and definitely hard for the children. Having been the partner and the child, I completely understand how complicated kids can make a relationship.
Growing up I disliked just about everyone my mother brought home and it seemed like the ones I did like didn’t stick around very long. It seemed like I hated the ones she married even more than the ones she dated.
Maybe it was because I didn’t want to share my only parent, or maybe it was just my childish nature, but I would have been completely ok if my mother had just never dated at all. However, by the time I got to high school I realized that all that mattered was that my mom was happy. She seemed to be happy with the guy she married when I was in high school, so I just kept the fact that I wished he’d get hit by a bus to myself.
As hypocritical as it may be, I always thought that I would never be able to date someone that had children. That is, until I met Dave. We met very randomly; he was a patron at my bar top and I thought he was the sexiest man I had ever served Coors Light to. We ended up going to dinner the next night, which was when he dropped the “I have two children” bomb. I almost choked on my Sunshine Wheat beer but was able to keep my composure enough to smile and nod. I have no idea why I didn’t run for the hills.
A week after meeting, Dave invited me to grill out for the Super Bowl. I was excited to hang out with him again. At first I was under the impression that we would be grilling with some of his friends but a couple days before the game he told me it was with his parents and kids. I was nervous but felt rude backing out.
His parents were very welcoming and easy to get along with. His kids were the cutest little boys I had ever seen and were instantly attached to my side. Through the next couple months, I became very close with Dave’s parents and especially with his boys. We read books together, played outside, took silly pictures, and even wrestled. I completely fell in love with them.
Dave and I broke up after about three months of seeing each other. I was completely torn apart, not because of Dave but because I wouldn’t be able to see the boys anymore. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got with Dave for allowing me to meet them so early and get so attached to them. To this day I hope that I will run into them when I am out running errands or something just so I could see them one more time.
I can’t speak from the parent’s point of view, but my advice to anyone who is in a dating situation that involves kids is to be careful. A relationship, whether good or bad, forms between the children and their parent’s partner.
If the relationship is a good one and a breakup occurs, you not only have to break up with your partner but with their children and well. The attachment level escalates tremendously when kids enter the picture and because of my previous experience, I don’t know if I would be emotionally prepared to handle dating someone else who has children.
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