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Is Cheating Forgivable?
Wilkipedia Encyclopedia defines cheating as “an act of lying, deception, fraud, trickery, imposture, or imposition.” When you have been “cheated” on or by someone, especially your partner, it can feel like you world was just pulled out from beneath you. Everything you thought to be true, turned out to be a lie and picking up the broken pieces can be a very rocky path. The question is, when you pick up the pieces, can you put them back together or should you pitch them and start over? Can a relationship really survive such a betrayal?
For three and a half years, I dated the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Every fiber in my body told me that I had found my future husband and the future father of my children. We had been dating for about a year when he moved 100 miles away for a new job. A year later, I picked up and moved to be with him. I loved him more than words can even express and I was so excited to be able to be with him everyday. Things were seemingly perfect.
On New Years Day of 2007 (we had been dating for two and a half years at this point) we had our first fight. He “jokingly” told me that he had a crush on one of my friends. I was immediately hurt, annoyed, pissed, and appalled at the fact that he would say such a thing to my face. He didn’t understand why I was upset but apologized anyway. We attempted to move on.
A few months went by and I met a guy I really liked. It was strange to me because until this point, I only had eyes for my boyfriend. I had what I thought were strong feelings for this other guy and broke it off with my boyfriend. Things were awkward because we still lived together but we dealt with it for a few weeks. Needless to say my little fling fizzled out pretty quickly and I ended up back together with my previous beau. He told me he wasn’t mad at me for straying because when we started dating he cheated on me with my hair stylist. At the time, I didn’t feel like I could really be mad at him about it because it had happened so long ago. Instead I dreamt up ways to ruin her life.
About six months later, we hit another rough patch. We were all of a sudden fighting constantly and annoying each other to no end. One night he decided to tell me that he had cheated on me over the summer with a family friend. I was in complete disbelief but as before, we attempted to move on. A couple weeks later we were lying in bed talking about honesty. I told him that I felt like I could tell him anything and loved the fact that I could be completely open and honest with him. He said, “yeah I’ve been completely honest with you too. Oh wait, there was this one time…” He proceeded to tell me about messing around with one of our friend’s girlfriends a few months before I moved in with him. I jumped out of bed and was outraged. He asked me to come back to bed, not understanding why I was so angry.
After three and a half years, I finally broke it off with the man was sure I was going to be with forever. I was shattered. It was really hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that my whole relationship wasn’t anything that I had perceived it to be. I could have chosen to stay with him and possibly been content, but I would have never been happy. No one deserves to be cheated on and no one should feel like they have to stay in a deceptive relationship. For me, it was about loving myself enough to step out of an unhealthy situation. For others, it may be possible to forgive and forget. Every situation and relationship is unique which makes the question “is cheating forgivable?” and impossible one to answer.
