How to Get the Guy…Advice for the Ladies.

Yesterday I wrote a post for the men giving them the skinny on getting the girl. Today, it’s your turn ladies.

It’s the same for you as it is for the men. If you want to attract the man, you have to be attractive to the man. And no, that doesn’t mean you have to run out and color your hair or join a gym. Unless, of course, you’re doing that just for you.

1. Love yourself

I know I’ve said it a million times, but it’s still the single most important thing you can do. If you don’t look in the mirror and love what you see, you can’t expect anyone else to love what they see.

And I’m not talking about what you see on the outside. I’m talking about what you see from the inside out. Know yourself. Know you are worthy and deserving of love. Know without a doubt that the man who wins your heart will be the luckiest man on Earth.

2. Shake off the guilt

Oh please, we’re women. It’s built into us. Most of us are hard-wired to feel guilt. If you aren’t carrying around a little bit of guilt over your divorce or your last break up or the legacy you’re leaving your children, you may very well be a robot and you should seek professional help.

The problem with the guilt is that you’ll be trying continually to make up for it with your new guy. It will cause you to overcompensate and second guess yourself. You’ll come off as needy, smothering, weak, and so not confident. Sound like someone you want to date?

You need to clear that guilt belief away. Visualize it flying to the heavens on the wings of a dove or tied to the string of a balloon like my girl Craze. But whatever you do, make it go away. Anything else is self sabotage.

3. Get a life

Under no circumstances should you completely wrap yourself up in a man and leave yourself nothing else. Get a hobby, join a club, enroll in a class, have girl’s nights out. Do something.

If you latch on to him like a security blanket, call him 10 times a day, hope to see him every day, text and/or email him every time the thought pops into your head, start buying bridal magazines or doodle Mr. & Mrs. Whateverhisnameis all over everything, he’ll run faster than if he had a starring role in Deliverance. And he should.

Men do not want to be smothered. They want their space. They want someone who is interesting and has interests outside of their own. Any man worth his salt will be curious about the fabulousness that is your life, so make it fabulous.

If he does want you there every time, all the time, run like hell. This a sign of bad things to come. Control, smothering you, needing to know your every move. Yikes!

And really, you should be doing these things anyway. For yourself.

4. Don’t be your mother

Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure your mother is a wonderful woman, but times have changed and relationships have changed.

My parents have been married 45 years. I think my father should get sainthood. Really. I do. The woman nags and hounds him like he was put here just to do her bidding. The poor man has no idea what he really thinks because she’s spent years telling him what he should think. Listening to him is like listening to a trained parrot. I don’t know about you, but I want a man not a trained parrot.

This simply means treating a man like a man. No nagging, no berating, respecting him and his opinions. Understand when he wants to watch the game, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to spend time with you. He does. Just not on Sunday afternoon. Know that when he needs to retreat to his man cave, he is just needing his alone time. He is not trying to get away from you. Let him be.

Let’s face it. We are another generation of women. We are women who control our own lives, our own destinies and we certainly don’t need a man to support us. So, please, don’t do as your mother did. Let him be that man you were attracted to in the first place. Don’t, whatever you do, try to train him. He’s a man; not a project or a frickin’ parrot.

5. Know what you want

Same as for the men you have to know what you’re looking for or you will never find it. Rather than being redundant here, I’ll focus on how to figure it out if you don’t know. Really, it’s an easy process.

The first step is figuring out what it is that you don’t want.

But do you know what you DON’T want? Do you really? Take a minute to think about your past relationships. Really think about them. Close your eyes and feel what they made you feel. What did they have in common? My guess is that there was commonality in all or most of them. When I look back at my relationships there are, in fact, many areas of commonality in all of them. I ended one bad, negative relationship just to find myself in another one; one just as bad, just as negative often in record time.

My issue was control. I kept finding myself in horrible, controlling relationships all the while telling myself I didn’t want to be in a controlling relationship.

What I really had to do was get to the bottom of why some part of me subconsciously felt the need to be controlled. Uh huh. You read it right. I was attracting that control into my life and into my relationships. Something, somewhere in my subconscious believed I wasn’t capable of making my own decisions, that I wasn’t important in my relationships. I had to really get clear about what that was, why it was, and let it go.

Once you figure out the why and clear that away, you can figure out what you don’t want. Then you simply change that list to the positive. This allows you to attract the men and the relationships that you really want.

And, as I told the men, remember that you don’t need somebody to complete you. You are a whole, wonderful, complete person all by yourself. Trust in that and look for the man who compliments you…the one who fits.

This post is part of a roundtable series on attraction with a group of fellow bloggers. The blogs range from career development to dating advice to pickup. The original subject was, “what is your best advice for being more attractive?” See the other great posts below, and watch this space as more get published in the next few days.

Lisaq: How to Get the Girl…Advice for the Men
Lance: 5 Ways to Be More Attractive, Stop Sucking, and Dominate Your Life
Honey: What Women Are Looking For…Hell, Men Too!
Monica O’Brien: What Women Really Want In A Man
Nick Sparks: Blogger Roundtable
Hot Alpha Female: The Power of A Magnetic Personality
Natalie Lue: Attraction: 4 Things That Make You Attractive…or Unattractive…
Natalie Lue @ Ask Dan & Jennifer: Top Ten Tips for Dressing For Dating Success
Hot Alpha Female @ Baggage Reclaim: You Are Not Worth My Time!! -How to Know When to Ditch That Guy

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Posted by lisaq on Friday, March 7th, 2008 and is filed under Featured, Tips & Tricks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.